Uncovering the Future: The Philosopher's Stone
by LOTL Stephanie.L
Summary: The Marauders and Lily read the Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. A story i can update whilst on Writer's Block!
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything concerning Harry Potter except my fanfictions.**

**BTW: Blurgh, MUST EDIT!!!! P.S Will be doing the whole series!**

**Uncovering the Future: The Philosopher's Stone**

**Prologue**

Sirius had noticed James grinning evilly all day but had been too scared, not that he would admit to it, to ask him about it. "Good afternoon Paddie!" James said overly cheerfully from behind him; Sirius turned to see the manic grin still painted on James face.

"Uh, yeah." Sirius said backing away slightly, from his possibly mentally instable friend.

"Moony's coming!" Continued James not noticing his terrified companion trying to get away.

"Why, what are you going to do to me?" Sirius blurted out, James raised an eyebrow.

"What the FUCK?"

"Uh, nothing." Sirius cursed himself for being stupid enough to blurt that out; James narrowed his eyes in suspicion but waved it off and continued;

"Lily's coming too!" Sirius fought back a laugh, Lily coming to James house would never happen; she hated his guts!

"Uh, mate I should warn you," James nodded "I know you may not have noticed but Lily hates your guts."

"Ah, but Dumbledore told Lily that she had to go over to the Head Boy's house to learn to get along." James said with a grin.

Sirius grinned, "So you convinced Remus to come over here so Lily had to come because he was staying here. How the hell did you get Remus to agree to this?" At this James' face fell and he looked sheepish.

"Well, you see the thing is…" Sirius cut him off.

"You blackmailed him didn't you? " Sirius chuckled "Remus is going to kill you!"

"Uh well… actually you're right; I did blackmail Remus" James said somewhat reluctantly, Sirius suddenly burst into laughter barely concealing his glee; James' sigh of relief was unheard.

"Seriously Remus AND Lily are going to kill you!" Sirius continued to laugh manically; James rolled his eyes at his friend's antics.

After a while Sirius managed to calm down, "So is that why you've been acting so strange?" he asked

"No, you see I found this book; it's really weird and I thought it would be fun for all of us to read it; and seen as Peter is in hospital I thought we could read it with Lily."

"What's so special about this book?" Sirius asked, he couldn't understand why his best friend was so excited by a book.

"Well, first of all it fell through some weird portal thingy and also… well… you'll find out when Remus and Lily get here." Sirius was surprised by James' secretiveness; they never kept anything from each other. Sirius grinned to cover up his disappointment at the lack of trust,

"A portal? That's awesome! Hey; can I see the book?" James looked uncomfortable.

"I'd rather show you when everyone else is here, if that's okay." Sirius felt a lurch of disappointment but hid it under a smile.

A few hours later; James' mother walked into the room, whilst Sirius and James played exploding snap.

"Hello boys, Remus is waiting downstairs with a girl" Mrs Potter told the two; Sirius threw his hands into the air,

"FINALY!" he shouted; James rolled his eyes as his friend ran down the stairs like a lunatic. James followed him at a slower rate knowing the inevitable was going to happen.

"Moony!" Sirius shouted launching himself at the were wolf, Lily sighed from Remus' side; Sirius continued oblivious to Remus' struggles to get free, "Prongs found a really cool book but he won't show it to me until you guys arrived. Oh and congrats for getting Head Boy!"

"What?" Remus answered confused as he untangled himself from Sirius "I didn't get Head Boy" This got Lily's attention

"You're not Head Boy? But why did Dumbledore send me here then?" James shifted uncomfortably

"Well…you see" Lily interrupted him

"You faked the letter didn't you?! That is the lowest most despicable th-" This time James cut off Lily

"I'm Head Boy." Lily's eyes widened in shock, as did Remus' and Sirius'. Sirius' shock ended quickly replaced by amusement, seconds later he was rolling on the floor laughing his head off.

Lily sighed at Sirius' stupidity before turning back to James "Are you serious?" Sirius sat up,

"No that's James, I'm Sirius."

"…"

"Anyways," James answered Lily, pointedly ignoring Sirius's comment. "I swear on the Marauder's name that I am Head Boy."

"Wow James you congratulations!" Remus congratulated him, Lily looked horrified.

"Uh Lily are you okay?" James asked.

"I have to spend the entire summer with you!" Lily shouted, James winced at her tone. Sirius suddenly remembered.

"Hey James, what about that book?"

"Oh yeah!" Remus and Lily both looked up at the word book, "This book fell out of this weird portal thing, but it has this title, so I think it was meant to be sent to us or something."

"If we're going to read this book I think we should go somewhere private." James said, Sirius thought for a moment.

"How about your room. No one ever goes there except for you." James nodded and they all went up the stairs to James's room; Lily raised an eyebrow at the cleanness but didn't say anything; she was surprised she thought his room would have been a tip it was almost the exact opposite.

James opened a cupboard and took out the book, Lily glanced at the title and gasped; _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_.

**Well, that's the first chapter re-written. I edited something out because it makes it so much more complicated. **


	2. The Boy Who Lived

**Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure that JKR is married with kids, I am still in school which implies that I am not JKR which also implies that I don't own Harry Potter, capeesh (I need to find out how to spell that.)**

**BTW: Hola people! How are you people? By the way the Alternate Lily that appears in this chapter isn't the Alternate Lily from the Prologue. If you are reading my story The Love of a Ghost that Lily is the guest star of this chapter! **

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Chapter 1: The Boy Who Lived

"That's weird; Harry Potter has the same last name as you. Are you related?" Remus asked, James shook his head,

"Not that I know of, and look at this." James opened up the book to the publishing page, "It was published in 1997, that's in our future." Lily hesitated before saying;

"You don't think that this was sent to us to change things or something?"

"Maybe, I think we should start reading now, it will help pass time and we'll find out if we need to change things." Sirius said for once actually being… well serious.

"Hey guys I just realised something!" Everyone turned to Remus, "Since this book was written in the future and the character has James' last name, maybe Harry is James' kid from the future."

"We should read it and find out; it could just be a coincidence." James said taking the book back off Remus; he started to read:

**Mr and Mrs Dursley;**

"Hey that name sounds familiar." Lily said suddenly

"I haven't heard it before." Sirius replied there were nods of agreement around the room.

**of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense.**

"Definitely Muggles." James muttered

"That might be why Lily recognises the name." Remus agreed

**Mr Dursley was the director of a firm called Grunnings, which made drills. He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck, **

"Sounds like a walrus." Sirius muttered; he had a very bad feeling about this guy.

**although he did have a very large moustache. Mrs Dursley was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck, which came in useful as she spent so much time craning over garden fences, spying on the neighbours.**

Lily gasped; it couldn't be.

**The Dursleys had a small son called Dudley**

"Poor kid." Sirius muttered, James nodded in agreement

"I would kill myself before I let someone call me that."

**and in their opinion there was no finer boy anywhere.**

James snorted

"Hey guys I thought this story was about Harry Potter not some dumb Muggle family." Sirius moaned, Remus sighed

"Maybe he comes in later." Sirius suddenly realised something

"Hey if this Harry guy is actually Prongs' son I wonder who Prongs knocked up."

**The Dursleys had everything they wanted, **

"Rich prats, they're probably the Muggle version of my family." Sirius growled.

**but they also had a secret, **

"Oooohh Secrets!" Sirius giggled at James' remark

**and their greatest fear was that somebody would discover it. They didn't think they could bear it if anyone found out about the Potters. **

"FINALLY!" James cried, no one noticed how silent Lily was being.

**Mrs Potter was Mrs Dursley's sister, **

Lily was starting to look really worried, "So my future wife is related to a horse." James said thoughtfully

**but they hadn't met for several years; in fact, Mrs Dursley pretended she didn't have a sister,**

"That's not nice." Remus said sternly

**because her sister and her good-for-nothing husband**

"HEY!"

**were as unDursleyish**

"Is that even a word?" Sirius asked Remus, Remus shook his head.

**as it was possible to be. The Dursley shuddered to think what the neighbours would say if the Potters arrived in the street.**

"Remind me to do just that in the future." James said angrily, his face suddenly lit up as he got a piece of paper and began scribbling furiously.

"James, remember, this might not have anything to do with you." Sirius pointed out

**The Dursleys knew that the Potters had a small son, too, but they had never even seen him. This boy was another good reason for keeping the Potters away; they didn't want Dudley mixing with a child like that.**

"Yeah well I don't want my kid mixing with a kid like Dudley!" James shouted at the book ignoring what Sirius had said, Remus and Sirius shuffled away from him slightly.

**When Mr and Mrs Dursley woke up on the dull, grey Tuesday our story starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happening all over the country. Mr Dursley hummed as he picked out his most boring tie for work**

"Is it normal to purposely pick out your most boring item of clothing?"

**and Mrs Dursley gossiped away happily as she wrestled a screaming Dudley into his high chair.**

"Brat!" they all said at the same time

**None of them noticed a large tawny owl flutter past the window. At half past eight, Mr Dursley picked up his briefcase, pecked Mrs Dursley on the cheek and tried to kiss Dudley goodbye but missed, because Dudley was now having a tantrum and throwing his cereal at the walls.**

"Urgh I HATE people who are spoilt!" Lily said angrily not noticing James shifting uncomfortably

"**Little tyke," chortled Mr Dursley as he left the house. He got into his car and backed out of number four's drive.**

**It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of something peculiar – a cat reading a map.**

"Hey that might be me" Lily said excitedly

"What!" Lily looked down guiltily

"Imanunregisteredanimagus." Lily said quickly

"So are we!" Sirius cried, Remus rolled his eyes and before Lily could ask grabbed the book and continued reading;

**For a second, Mr Dursley didn't realise what he had seen – than he jerked his head around to look again. There was a tabby cat **

"Oh it isn't me then. I'm not a tabby."

**standing**

"How can a cat stand?"

**on the corner of Privet Drive, but there wasn't a map in sight. What could he have been thinking of? It must have been a trick of the light.**

"Or magic maybe." Remus said sarcastically

**Mr Dursley blinked and stared at the cat. It stared back.**

"Sounds like McGonagall" James shuddered

"Didn't she show us her animagus form during that Transfiguration lesson?" Sirius said thoughtfully

**As Mr Dursley drove around the corner and up the road, he watched the cat in his mirror. It was now reading the sign that said **_**Privet Drive **_**– no, **_**looking **_**at the sign; cats couldn't read maps **_**or**_** signs.**

"Yeah they can!" Lily said insulted

**Mr Dursley gave himself a little shake and put the cat out of his mind. As he drove towards town he thought of nothing except a large order of drills he was hoping to get that day.**

"Wow. You have such an interesting life." Remus said sarcastically. Sirius looked at him weirdly

"Remus are you going all sarcastic on us today?"

"Well, nooooooo!"

**But on the edge of town, drills were driven out of his mind by something else.**

"Wow that would be really hard." James said as sarcastically as Remus

**As he sat in the usual morning traffic jam, he couldn't help noticing that there seemed to be a lot of strangely dressed people. People in cloaks.**

"There's nothing weird about people in cloaks!" Sirius shouted, Lily rolled her eyes

"Sirius if he is a Muggle he's not used to seeing people in cloaks."

**Mr Dursley couldn't bear people who dressed in funny clothes – the get-ups you saw on young people! He supposed this was some stupid new fashion.**

"Yeah a fashion that's been only been around the last four thousand years." Remus said…sarcastically.

**He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and his eyes fell on a huddle of these weirdos**

"HEY!" They all shouted

**standing quite close by. They were whispering excitedly together. Mr Dursley was enraged to see that a couple of them weren't young at all; why, that man had to be older than he was, and wearing an emerald-green cloak! The nerve of him! But then it struck Mr Dursley that this was probably some silly stunt – these people were obviously collecting for something… yes, that would be it. The traffic moved on, and a few minutes later, Mr Dursley arrived in the Grunnings car park, his mind back on drills.**

"Merlin this guy's boring!"

**Mr Dursley always sat with his back to the window in his office on the ninth floor. If he hadn't, he might have found it harder to concentrate on drills that morning.**

"I don't think I could concentrate on drills all day if you paid me!"

_**He **_**didn't see the owls swooping past in broad daylight, though people down in the street did; they pointed and gazed open-mouthed as owl after owl sped overhead. **

"Is it just me or are the wizards of the future really thick?" Lily grumbled

**Most of them had never seen an owl even at night-time. Mr Dursley however, had a perfectly normal, owl-free morning. He yelled at five different people. He made several important telephone calls and shouted a bit more. **

"This guy seems to like shouting."

**He was in a very good mood until lunch-time, when he thought he'd stretch his legs and walk across the road to buy himself a bun from the baker's opposite.**

"Fat git!" Sirius said Lily decided not to mention that Peter went to the baker's a lot as well.

**He'd forgotten all about the people in cloaks until he passed a group of them next to the baker's. He eyed them angrily as he passed.**

"This guy's a real ray of sunshine." James remarked darkly

**He didn't know why but they made him feel uneasy. This lot were whispering excitedly, too, and he couldn't see a single collecting tin. It was on his way back past them, clutching a large doughnut in a bag, that he caught a few words a few words of what they were saying.**

"**The Potters, that's right, that's what I heard -"**

"**- yes, their son, Harry -"**

"Let me get this straight, wizards throw caution to the wind so they can gossip about you and your family." Lily said an eyebrow raised.

"Well it's not like they'd gossip about you Evans!" Sirius snapped

**Mr Dursley stopped dead. Fear flooded him. **

"How can fear flood someone?"

**He looked back at the whisperers as if he wanted to say something to them, but thought better of it.**

**He dashed back across the road, hurried up to his office, snapped at his secretary not to disturb him, **

"GIT!" Everyone shouted

**seized his telephone and had almost finished dialling his home number when he changed his mind. He put the receiver back down and stroked his moustache, thinking**

"Wow this guy can stroke his moustache _and _think at the same time? AMAZING!" Remus said sarcastically

… **no, he was being stupid. Potter wasn't such an unusual name.**

"It is in the wizarding world!" James protested,

"Actually there are lots of Muggles who have that name." Lily informed him.

**He was sure there were lots of people called Potter who had a son called Harry. Come to think of it, he wasn't even sure his nephew **_**was**_** called Harry. **

"So this moron doesn't even know his own nephew's name? P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C!"

**He'd never even seen the boy. It might have been Harvey. Or Harold. **

"As if! I would never call my kid Harvey!" James yelled _(AN: No offense to people called Harvey)_

**There was no point in worrying Mrs Dursley, she always got so upset at any mention of her sister. He didn't blame her – if **_**he'd **_**had a sister like that**

"Note to self, upon meeting this Dursley fellow beat the crap out of him for insulting my future wife!"

… **but all the same, those people in cloaks … **

**He found it a lot harder to concentrate on drills that afternoon,**

"I'd find it hard not to!" Remus muttered sarcastically. Sirius sighed

**and when he left the building at five o'clock, he was still so worried that he walked straight into someone just outside the door. "Sorry," he grunted, as the tiny old man stumbled and almost fell. It was a few seconds before Mr Dursley realised that the man was wearing a violet cloak. **

"Hey I bought Flitwick a violet cloak for Christmas!"

"Remus you are such a teacher's pet."

**He didn't seem at all upset at being almost knocked to the ground. On the contrary, his face split into a wide smile and he said in a squeaky voice that made passers-by stare: **

"Probably is Flitwick, no one else sounds like that."

"**Don't be sorry, my dear sir, for nothing could upset me today! Rejoice, for You-Know-Who has gone at last! Even Muggles like yourself should be celebrating, this happy, happy day!"**

The room went quiet, "Voldemort's gone." James said astounded

"Took his time didn't he, what is this like 30 years in the future."

"I wonder what happened to make him go." Lily said quietly, she had a feeling it wasn't good.

**And the old man hugged Mr Dursley around the middle and walked off.**

**Mr Dursley stood rooted to the spot. He had been hugged by a complete stranger. He also thought he had been called a Muggle, whatever that was. He was rattled. He hurried to his car and set off home, hoping he was imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he didn't approve of imagination.**

"Moron!"

"This guy is the most boring person I have ever heard of."

**As he pulled into the driveway of number four, the first thing he saw – and it didn't improve his mood – was the tabby cat he'd spotted that morning. It was now sitting on his garden wall. He was sure it was the same one; it had the same markings around its eyes.**

"Doesn't Minnie's animagus form have markings around the eyes to show where her glasses are?"

"Well, I have markings around my eyes in stag form so probably. I wonder what would happen if I got contacts."

"**Shoo!" said Mr Dursley loudly.**

**The cat didn't move. It just gave him a stern look. **

"Probably is Minnie, I could swear she gave us that look when Alternate Sirius blew up the chocolate cake she was eating."

**Was this normal cat behaviour, Mr Dursley wondered. Trying to pull himself together, he let himself into the house. He was still determined not to mention anything to his wife.**

**Mrs Dursley had had a nice normal day. She told him over dinner all about Mrs Next Door's problems with her daughter **

"Nosy cow" James muttered

**and how Dudley had learnt a new word ("Shan't!"). Mr Dursley tried to act normally. When Dudley had been put to bed, he went into the living-room in time to catch the last report on the evening news:**

"**And finally, bird-watchers**

"People actually watch birds? How boring." _(Once again no offense to bird-watchers)_

**everywhere have reported that the nation's owls have been behaving very unusually today. Although owls normally hunt at night and are hardly ever seen in daylight, there have been hundreds of sightings of these birds flying in every direction since sunrise. **

"Probably gossiping about Voldemort going away."

**Experts are unable to explain why the owls have suddenly changed their sleeping pattern." The news reader allowed himself a grin. "Most mysterious. And now, over to Jim McGuffin with the weather. Going to be any more showers of owls tonight, Jim?"**

"**Well, Ted," said the weatherman, "I don't know about that, but it's not only the owls that have been acting oddly today. Viewers as far apart as Kent, Yorkshire and Dundee have been phoning in to tell me that instead of the rain I promised yesterday, they've had a downpour of shooting stars! **

"Shooting stars? COOL!" Sirius shouted, Lily frowned,

"It's not cool if the Muggles noticed; the whole magical world could be exposed!"

**Perhaps people have been celebrating Bonfire Night early – it's not until next week, folks! But I can promise a wet night tonight."**

**Mr Dursley **

"Have you noticed that they never tell us their actual name it's just Mr and Mrs Dursley, they never tell us their first name." Sirius complained

**sat frozen in his armchair. Shooting stars all over Britain? Owls flying by daylight? Mysterious people in cloaks all over the place? And a whisper, a whisper about the Potters … **

**Mrs Dursley came into the living-room carrying two cups of tea. It was no good. He'd have to say something to her. He cleared his throat nervously. "Er – Petunia, **

"Finally, when we get to school we ask all the girls if they have a sister called Petunia. They we'll know who Prongs married." No one noticed Lily relax noticeably.

**dear –you haven't heard from your sister lately, have you?"**

**As he had expected, Mrs Dursley looked shocked and angry. After all, they normally pretended she didn't have a sister.**

"That's nice isn't it?" Sirius growled,

"**No," she said sharply. "Why?"**

"**Funny stuff on the news," Mr Dursley mumbled. "Owls … shooting stars … and there were a lot of funny-looking people in town today …"**

"_**So?"**_** snapped Mrs Dursley.**

"**Well, I just thought … maybe … it had something to do with … you know … **_**her lot**_**." **

"Our lot? There's nothing wrong with _our lot_!"

**Mrs Dursley sipped her tea through pursed lips. Mr Dursley wondered whether he dared tell her he'd heard the name "Potter". He decided he didn't dare. Instead he said, as casually as casually as he could,**

"**Their son – he'd be about Dudley's age now, wouldn't he?"**

"**I supposed so," said Mrs Dursley stiffly.**

"**What's his name again? Howard isn't it?"**

James snorted;

"**Harry. Nasty, common name, if you ask me."**

"**Oh, yes," said Mr Dursley, his heart sinking horribly. "Yes, I quite agree."**

**He didn't say another word on the subject as they went upstairs to bed. While Mrs Dursley was in the bathroom, Mr Dursley crept to the bedroom window and peered down into the front garden. The cat was still there. It was staring down Privet Drive as though it was waiting for something.**

**Was he imagining things? Could all this have anything to do with the Potters? If it did … if it got out that they were related to a pair of – well, he didn't think he could bear it.**

"He makes it sound like we're another species." James said angrily casting an apologetic glance towards Remus

**The Dursleys got into bed. Mrs Dursley fell asleep quickly but Mr Dursley lay awake, turning it all over in his mind. His last, comforting thought before he fell asleep was that even if the Potters **_**were **_**involved, there was no reason for them to come near him and Mrs Dursley. The Potters knew very well what he and Petunia thought about them and their kind … He couldn't see how he and Petunia could get mixed up in anything that might be going on. He yawned and turned over. It couldn't affect **_**them**_** … **

**How very wrong he was.**

They all laughed at the irony.

**Mr Dursley might have been drifting into an uneasy sleep but the cat on the wall outside was showing no sign of sleepiness. It was sitting as still as a statue, its eyes fixed unblinkingly on the far corner of Privet Drive. It didn't so much as quiver when a car door slammed in the next street, nor when two owls swooped overhead. In fact, it was nearly midnight before the cat moved at all. **

"Sounds a lot like when McGonagall was supervising us during O.W.Ls." Sirius remarked the others agreed.

**A man appeared on the corner the cat had been watching, appeared so suddenly and silently you' have thought he'd just popped out of the ground. **

"Apparition?" Sirius said hopefully, Lily and Remus shook their heads,

"Apparition makes a sound." Lily explained

**The cat's tail twitched and its eyes narrowed.**

**Nothing like this man had ever been seen in Privet Drive. He was tall, thin and very old, judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which were long enough to tuck into his belt. **

"Dumbledore." They all said.

**He was wearing long robes, a purple cloak which swept the ground and high-heeled buckled boots. His blue eyes were light, bright and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles and his nose was very long and crooked, as though it had been broken at least twice. **

"James and Sirius grinned guiltily towards each other. Lily sighed,

"What did you do?" James smiled

"Well the first time it was Sirius' fault during a Quidditch practice that Dumbledore came to."

"Beating accident, Dumbledore never came to another practice." Sirius admitted; Lily's eyes narrowed,

"The first time?" It was Remus' turn to go red with embarrassment and shame,

"Yeah the second time was my fault. I was doing an experiment involving gravity, so I dropped a bowling bowl from the window and Dumbledore walked under, so I yelled at him to watch out; so he looked up and…" Remus trailed off and Lily sighed loudly.

**This man's name was Albus Dumbledore.**

"Well we all knew anyway."

**Albus Dumbledore didn't seem to realise that he had just arrived in a street where everything from his name to his boots was unwelcome. He was busy rummaging in his cloak, looking for something. But he did seem to realise he was being watched because he looked up suddenly at the cat, which was still staring at him from the other end of the street. For some reason, the sight of the cat seemed to amuse him. He chuckled and muttered, "I should have known."**

**He found what he had been looking for in his inside pocket. It seemed to be a silver cigarette lighter.**

Lily got excited, "I saw him use that when he came to tell me I was a witch etcetera."

**He flicked it open, held it up in the air and clicked it. The nearest street lamp went out with a little pop. He clicked it again – the next lamp flickered into darkness. Twelve times he clicked the Put-Outer, until the only lights left in the whole street were two tiny pinpricks in the distance, which were the eyes of the cat watching him. If anyone looked out of their window now, even the beady-eyed Mrs Dursley, they wouldn't be able to see anything that was happening down on the pavement. Dumbledore slipped the Put-Outer back inside his cloak and set off down on the wall next to the cat. He didn't look at it, but after a moment he spoke to it.**

"**Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall."**

Sirius yelled in success, "OH YEAH! I WAS RIGHT!" he began _the_ victory dance.

**He turned to smile at the tabby, but it had gone. Instead he was smiling at a rather severe-looking woman who was wearing square glasses exactly the shape of the markings the cat had around its eyes. She, too, was wearing a cloak, an emerald one. Her black hair was drawn into a tight bun. She looked distinctly ruffled.**

"**How did you know it was me?" she asked.**

"**My dear Professor, I've never seen a cat sit so stiffly."**

"**You'd be stiff if you'd been sitting on a brick wall all day," said Professor McGonagall.**

"**All day? When you could have been celebrating? I must have passed a dozen feasts and parties on my way here."**

"That's probably where I am, partying my ass off!" Sirius said still dancing; Remus looked thoughtful before he said;

"Have you noticed that neither Sirius, Lily nor I am around in this book and James is only mentioned by last name."

**Professor McGonagall sniffed angrily.**

"**Oh yes, everyone's celebrating, all right," she said impatiently. "You'd think they'd be a bit more careful, but no – even the Muggles have noticed something's going on. It was on their news." She jerked her head back at the Dursley's dark living-room window. "I heard it. Flocks of owls … shooting stars … Well, they're not completely stupid. They were bound to notice something. Shooting stars down in Kent – I'll bet that was Dedalus Diggle.**

"Dedalus Diggle? Isn't he that hyperactive seventh year that hangs around Lovegood?" Lily said excitedly, maybe they would turn up in the book.

**He never had much sense."**

"Of course he doesn't have much sense he hangs around _Lovegood _for crying out loud!"

"**You can't blame them," said Dumbledore gently. "We've had precious little to celebrate for eleven years."**

"**I know that," said Professor McGonagall irritably. "But that's no reason to lose our heads. People are being downright careless, **

"She is right you know."

**out on the streets in broad daylight, not even dressed in Muggle clothes, swapping rumours."**

**She threw a sharp, sideways glance at Dumbledore here, as though hoping he was going to tell ****her something,**

"Maybe whatever she wants to know has something to do with us."

**but he didn't, so she went on: "A fine thing it would be if, on the very day You-Know-Who seems to have disappeared at last, the Muggles found out about us all. I suppose he really **_**has**_** gone, Dumbledore?"**

**"It certainly seems so," said Dumbledore. "We have much to be thankful for. Would you care for a sherbet lemon?"**

"Merlin I never knew It would be this bad." Lily muttered, Sirius looked outraged,

"Don't tell me it's your fault Dumbledore is hooked on those things!"

"Well, he confiscated them off me. It's not my fault!"

"**A **_**what**_**?"**

"**A sherbet lemon. They're a kind of Muggle sweet I'm rather fond of."**

**"No, thank you," said Professor McGonagall coldly, as though she didn't think this was the moment for sherbet lemons.**

**"As I say, even if You-Know-Who **_**has**_** gone -"**

**"My dear Professor, surely a sensible person like your self can call him by his name? All this 'You-Know-Who' nonsense - for eleven years I have been trying to persuade people to call him by his proper name: **_**Voldemort**_**". Professor McGonagall flinched, but Dumbledore, who was unsticking two sherbet lemons,**

"Only Dumbledore could be eating sherbet lemons when Voldemort is gone." Lily laughed

**seemed not to notice.** **"It all gets so confusing if we keep saying 'You-Know-Who.' I have never seen any reason to be frightened of saying Voldemort's name."**

"True. I think it makes it easier to call him Tom." James said grinning

**"I know you haven't," said Professor McGonagall, sounding half-exasperated, half-admiring. "But you're different. Everyone knows you're the one You-Know - oh, all right, **_**Voldemort**_** -was frightened of"**

**"You flatter me," said Dumbledore calmly. "Voldemort had powers I will never have."**

**"Only because you're too - well - noble to use them."**

"OH MY GOD! You don't think McGonagall has a crush on Dumbledore!"

**"It's lucky it's dark. I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs."**

"…"

"Okaaaaaay."

**Professor McGonagall shot a sharp look at Dumbledore and said, "The owls are nothing to the rumours that are flying around. You know what everyone's saying? About why he's disappeared?About what finally stopped him?"**

**It seemed that Professor McGonagall had reached the point she was most anxious to discuss, the real reason she had been waiting on a cold hard wall all day, for neither as a cat nor as a woman had she fixed Dumbledore with such a piercing stare as she did now.**

Sirius and James shuddered;

**It was plain that whatever 'everyone' was saying, she was not going to believe it until Dumbledore told her it was true. Dumbledore, however, was choosing another sherbet lemon and did not answer.**

**"What they're saying," she pressed on, "is that last night Voldemort turned up in Godric's Hollow. He went to find the Potters.** **The rumour is that Lily and James Potter**

Everyone looked over at Lily in shock,

"Don't look at me, my sister's called Marygold!" James nodded trying to hide his disappointment;

"Right so my future wife is called Lily. Sirius get the year book." Sirius walked over to a cupboard and took out the large year book.

"All right, there are seventeen Lilys in the school. Not counting next year's new people. So when we get back to school, we ask all of them except Lily," Sirius nodded in Lily's direction, "if they have a sister called Petunia." Remus had read ahead and gone very pale. James noticed;

"Remus, what's up." Remus shakily read the next sentence.

**Are - are - that they're – **_**dead**_**."**

The room was silent with shock,

"I-I'm going to die." James said quietly, there was a loud pop as Alternate Ghost Lily turned up (The Love of a Ghost Lily)

"Welcome to the club." She said glumly, she looked up hopefully, "Do you actually want to join the club, I'm the only member so far-" Sirius interrupted;

"Sorry Alternate Lily, but were going to change it so James and his future wife DON'T die!" A/Lily sighed,

"No one ever wants to join my club!" with another pop she disappeared;

"Did you really mean that Sirius?" James said hopefully, Sirius rolled his eyes;

"Of course I did, the Head of house J. Potter probably knew it was going to happen, that's why we got the book, remember what Alternate Lily and Alternate James said?" James nodded feeling a little hope creep back.

**Dumbledore bowed his head. Professor McGonagall gasped.**

**"Lily and James … I can't believe it … I didn't want to believe it … Oh, Albus …"**

James wiped his eyes discreetly, "Wow Minnie actually misses me, that's nice of her." He said forcing a smile. "I always thought she wanted rid of me."

**Dumbledore reached out and patted her on the shoulder. "I know … I know …" he said heavily.**

**Professor McGonagall's voice trembled as she went on. "That's not all. They're saying he tried to kill the Potter's son, Harry.** **But - he couldn't. He couldn't kill that little boy.** **No one knows why, or how, but they're saying that when he couldn't kill Harry Potter, Voldemort's power somehow broke - and that's why he's gone."**

The room was filled with silence,

"Voldemort tried to kill my future kid." James said in a voice that made Lily ever so slightly scared.

"On the plus side Voldemort got beaten by a baby. PRONGS JUNIOR IS AWESOME!" Sirius said in awe, James grinned;

"Padfoot did I tell you I wanted you to be God Father?"

"EVEN AWESOMER!!"

**Dumbledore nodded glumly."It's - it's true?" faltered Professor McGonagall. "After all he's done … all the people he's killed … he couldn't kill a little boy? It's just astounding ...of all the things to stop him … but how in the name of heaven did Harry survive?"**

"Isn't it obvious? Harry's already a Marauder! WAY TO GO PRONGSLET!" It was pretty obvious that Sirius was very proud of his future God son

**We can only guess," said Dumbledore. "We may never know."**

**Professor McGonagall pulled out a lace handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes beneath her spectacles. Dumbledore gave a great sniff as he took out a watch from his pocket and examined it. It was a very odd watch. It had twelve hands but no numbers; instead, little planets were moving around the edge. **

James looked at his own watch which was exactly as described in the book.

**It must have made sense to Dumbledore, though, because he put it back in his pocket and said, "Hagrid's late. I suppose it was he who told you I'd be here, by the way?"**

**"Yes," said Professor McGonagall. "And I don't suppose you're going to tell me why you're here, of all places?"**

**"I've come to bring Harry to his aunt and uncle. They're the only family he has left now."**

"No way! Not to those evil/boring gits that we were told about in half the chapter!" James said in horror.

"Why isn't Prongslet coming to live with me?" Sirius said angrily, Remus shrugged

"Um, Sirius there is a possibility you're dead as well."

"**You don't mean - you **_**can't**_** mean the people who live **_**here**_**?" cried Professor McGonagall, **

"See? McGonagall agrees with me!" James said happily, "I always knew she liked me deep down!"

**jumping to her feet and pointing at number four. "Dumbledore - you can't. I've been watching them all day. You couldn't find two people who are less like us. And they've got this son - I saw him kicking his mother all the way up the street, screaming for sweets.**

"That kid is a complete BRAT!" Lily said angrily.

**Harry Potter come and live here!"**

"I completely agree Minnie!" Sirius said proudly.

**"It's the best place for him," said Dumbledore firmly. "His aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he's older. I've written them a letter."**

"A letter. How can you explain everything in a _letter_?" Lily said in disbelief.

"**A letter?" repeated Professor McGonagall faintly, sitting back down on the wall. "Really, Dumbledore, you think you can explain all this in a letter? **

Everyone looked at Lily weirdly, she rolled her eyes.

**These people will never understand him! He'll be famous - a legend - I wouldn't be surprised if today was known as Harry Potter Day in future - there will be books written about Harry -** **every child in our world will know his name!"**

"PRONGS JUNIOR'S FAMOUS!!" Sirius said in delight, Lily noticed James shaking his head disapprovingly.

**"Exactly," said Dumbledore, looking very seriously over the top of his half-moon glasses. "It would be enough to turn any boy's head. Famous before he can walk and talk! Famous for something he won't even remember! Can't you see how much better off he'll be, growing up away from all that until he's ready to take it?"**

James nodded in agreement.

**Professor McGonagall opened her mouth, changed her mind, swallowed and then said, "Yes - yes, you're right, of course. But how is the boy getting here Dumbledore?"** **She eyed his cloak suddenly as though she thought he might be hiding Harry underneath it.**

"Dumbledore wouldn't be so irresponsible." Lily said horrified at the possibility of Dumbledore doing such a thing.

"**Hagrid's bringing him."**

"**You think it - **_**wise**_** - to trust Hagrid with something as important as this?"**

James scowled, he obviously trusted Hagrid. "James, Hagrid sometimes doesn't know his own strength that's probably what McGonagall was getting at." Lily said gently resting a hand on his arm.

**"I would trust Hagrid with my life," said Dumbledore.**

Remus, Sirius and James all nodded in approval.

**"I'm not saying his heart isn't in the right place," said Professor McGonagall grudgingly, "but you can't pretend he's not careless. He does tend to - what was that?" **

"That's me coming to kidnap Harry from the family of hell!" Sirius said proudly

**A low rumbling sound had broken the silence around them. It grew steadily louder as they looked up and down the street for some sign of a headlight; it swelled to a roar as they both looked up at the sky - and a huge motorbike fell out of the air and landed on the road in front of them.**

"Sirius, how would you like a giant motorbike for your eighteenth birthday?"

"YAY- wait _eighteenth_?"

"Have to wait for you to get a driver's license." Remus said smugly as Sirius scowled;

**If the motorbike was huge, it was nothing to the man sitting astride it. He was almost twice as tall as a normal man and at least five times as wide.** **He looked simply too big to be allowed, and so **_**wild**_** - long tangles of bushy black hair and beard hid most of his face, he had hands the size of dustbin lids and his feet in their leather boots were like baby dolphins. **

"Wow Sirius, you've been packing on the pounds." Lily smirked, Sirius narrowed his eyes at her.

**In his vast muscular arms he was holding a bundle of blankets. **

"HARRY!" James said hopefully;

**"Hagrid," said Dumbledore, sounding relieved. "At last. And where did you get that motorbike?"**

**"Borrowed it, Professor Dumbledore, sir," said the giant, climbing carefully off the motorbike as he spoke. "Young Sirius Black lent it me.** **I've got him, sir."**

"YES! I HAVE GIANT MOTORBIKE! Wait why aren't I collecting Harry?"

**"No problems, were there?"**

**"No, sir - house was almost destroyed **

"Typical, Voldemort couldn't settle for just killing me, he had to destroy my house as well?"

**but I got him out all right before the Muggles started swarmin' around. He fell asleep as we were flyin' over Bristol."**

**Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall bent forward over the bundle of blankets. Inside, just visible, was a baby boy, fast asleep. Under a tuft of jet-black hair** **over his forehead they could see a curiously shaped cut, like a bolt of lightning.**

"Poor Harry has a scar." Lily said softly;

"Pronglet is cursed with James' hair, poor kid."

**"Is that where - ?" whispered Professor McGonagall.**

**"Yes," said Dumbledore. "He'll have that scar forever."**

**"Couldn't you do something about it, Dumbledore?"**

**"Even if I could, I wouldn't. Scars can come in useful. I have one myself above my left knee which is a perfect map of the London Underground.**

"Did I ever tell you guys that Dumbledore scares me sometimes?"

**Well - give him here, Hagrid - we'd better get this over with."**

**Dumbledore took Harry in his arms and turned towards the Dursleys' house.**

"NOOOOO! HARRY CANNOT GOT THERE!" Sirius screamed.

**"Could I - could I say goodbye to him, sir?" asked Hagrid.**

**He bent his great shaggy head over Harry and gave him what must have been a very scratchy, whiskery kiss.** **Then, suddenly, Hagrid let out a howl like a wounded dog.**

Sirius folded his arms offended;

"**Shhh!" hissed Professor McGonagall. "You'll wake the Muggles!"**

**"S-s-sorry," sobbed Hagrid, taking out a large spotted handkerchief and burying his face in it. "But I c-c-can't stand it - Lily an' James dead - an' poor little Harry off ter live with Muggles -"**

"It's nice of Hagrid to care isn't it?" James said smiling.

**"Yes, yes, it's all very sad, but get a grip on yourself, Hagrid, or we'll be found," Professor McGonagall whispered,**

"Minnie has such a nice way of cheering people up doesn't she?"

**patting Hagrid gingerly on the arm as Dumbledore stepped over the low garden wall and walked to the front door. He laid Harry gently on the doorstep, took a letter out of his cloak, tucked it inside Harry's blankets and then came back to the other two. For a full minute the three of them stood and looked at the little bundle; Hagrid's shoulders shook, Professor McGonagall blinked furiously and the twinkling light that usually shone from Dumbledore's eyes seemed to have gone out**.

**"Well," said Dumbledore finally, "that's that. We've no business staying here. We may as well go and join the celebrations."**

"I cannot believe people are celebrating when I just died." James said in indignation,

"Don't worry James, we're probably wallowing in misery!" Remus said cheerfully;

"**Yeah," said Hagrid in a very muffled voice. "I'd best get this bike away. G'night, Professor McGonagall - Professor Dumbledore, sir."**

**Wiping his streaming eyes on his jacket sleeve, Hagrid swung himself on to the motorbike and kicked the engine into life; with a roar it rose into the air and off into the night.**

**"I shall see you soon, I expect, Professor McGonagall," said Dumbledore, nodding to her. Professor McGonagall blew her nose in reply**.

**Dumbledore turned and walked back down the street. On the corner he stopped and took out the silver Put-Outer. He clicked it once and twelve balls of light sped back to their street lamps so that Privet Drive glowed suddenly orange and he could make out a tabby cat slinking around the corner at the other end of the street.** **He could just see the bundle of blankets on the step of number four.**

"There's still a chance of me coming you know!" Sirius said trying to cheer James up;

**"Good luck, Harry," he murmured. He turned on his heel and with a swish of his cloak he was gone.**

**A breeze ruffled the neat hedges of Privet Drive, which lay silent and tidy under the inky sky, the very last place you would expect astonishing things to happen. Harry Potter rolled over inside his blankets without waking up. One small hand closed on the letter beside him and he slept on, not knowing he was special, not knowing he was famous, not knowing he would be woken in a few hours' time by Mrs. Dursley's scream as she opened the front door** **to put out the milk bottles, nor that he would spend the next few weeks being prodded and pinched by his cousin Dudley …** **He couldn't know that at this very moment, people meeting in secret all over the country were holding up their glasses and saying in hushed voices: "To Harry Potter - the boy who lived!"**

Remus looked up at his friends, "That's the end of Chapter 1." Lily got an idea,

"How about we write a list of everything we've found out and a list of things we know about James' future wife?"

James smiled at her, "That's a good idea. Sirius and Remus, you write the list for what we've found out and Lily and I will work out details of future Mrs Potter." The groups started to work, ten minutes later they showed each other what they had come up with;

**

* * *

**

What we've Learned So Far

**The Dursley family are a bunch of spoilt selfish people. They are also Muggles.**

**James "Prongs" Potter get's married and has a kid called Harry.**

**Mr Dursley works at a boring firm that makes drills.**

**Mrs Dursley is a nosy cow.**

**Mrs and Mrs Dursley don't like witches and wizards.**

**Minnie was spying on the Dursleys in her animagus form.**

**Voldemort is gone and all the wizards (and witches) are gossiping and being and celebrating.**

**Voldemort killed Prongs and Prong's wife.**

**Prongs Junior defeated Voldemort, GO PRONGSLET!**

**Mrs Petunia Dursley is Mrs Potter's sister, they seem to hate each other. **

**Lily is to blame for Dumbledore's sherbet lemon obsession.**

**McGonagall has a crush on Dumbledore.**

**Sirius is freaked out by Dumbledore.**

**Prongs Junior is famous.**

**Voldemort destroyed James' house.**

**Dumbledore's on crack.**

**Prongslet is being forced to live with the evil family!**

**I have a motorbike! AWESOME!!**

**The Search for James' Wife**

**She's called Lily,**

**Her sister is Petunia Dursley,**

**She and her sister hate each other,**

**It is implied she goes to Hogwarts,**

* * *

"We'll probably learn more in the next chapters." Remus said thoughtfully, Lily nodded and yawned, the day had gone past really quickly.

"Guys I'm going to bed. It's been a hectic day really." Lily said, "Night." Lily left the room,

"She's right you know, it's been hectic today." James was looking sadly out of the huge window,

"Yeah…" he said distracted, Sirius sensed what James was thinking about;

"Don't worry, we'll change things, we'll make sure you don't die. Isn't that right Remus?" Remus nodded,

"Thanks guys."

**

* * *

**

Well that's it for now, sorry for the wait, I tried to type everything up myself until I realised I could just copy an paste. I think it would have taken me another week.

**I'm going to check that I reached my 1000 words (minus the parts from HP) then I might think about another story, I'll put this up in the morning though. By the Way I can't remember if "Moldywart" was in the books or if someone invented it could someone please tell me because I really can't remember. By the way you may be wondering why Lily said her sister was called Marygold, the reason is Petunia used to be called Marygold but changed her name to something less cheerful. But she hasn't changed her name yet so Lily doesn't know she's James' future wife. **

**Lots of Lurve**

**JRK**

**ARGH! My amazing people who review/alert/other! Sorry for almost forgetting! **

**0Rosina0:** I hope my message cleared that up. Thanks for reviewing and story alerting! :) :P, you get two smiles for doing both!

**Saffygirl:** Thanks for favouriting my story and story alerting! :) :P

**Piscesfairy:** Thanks for story alerting! :) :P

**nightwing:** Thank you for reviewing and alerting! :) :P


	3. The Vanishing Glass

**Disclaimer: You should know by now that I don't own Harry Potter, only one person does. JKR!**

**BTW: I would like to dedicate this chapter to the three seven year olds who called me a "Crazy Bitch" and laughed at me, may you all get fucked and go to hell you bastards! What kind of seven year olds know that kind of language? Oh they swore at me and insulted me so I'm not being too harsh. Brain dead morons! By the way don't send bad reviews or insult me I am in a friggin' bad mood and will not hesitate to take it out on people who insult me. God help the people at school! **

**

* * *

**

Chapter 2: The Vanishing Glass

The next morning James got up reasonably early, eager to read the next chapter with the others. After emptying a bucket of ice cold water on Sirius and being chased around the house having abuse screamed at him he had gone to Remus' room, only to find him already starting his homework; it was barely a week after school had ended for Merlin's sake!

James told Remus to find Padfoot so they could meet up in the library to continue reading the Harry Potter book, next he went to Lily's room. James had been really disappointed that he wasn't ever going to get together with Lily; he had always believed that deep down Lily liked him and they would eventually end up together. But he was wrong. He knocked on the door softly; when no response came he knocked a little more firmly.

"Come in." she called, James opened the door and stepped in; Lily was sitting at a small vanity table brushing her long auburn hair, she looked up at him expectantly.

"We're all going to the library to read the next chapter; you coming?" he asked;

"Okay give me a minute." James walked out of the room and stood outside the door, a few minutes later Lily came out, they both headed over to the library.

Lily noticed that James seemed a bit distant, usually he was pretty cheerful, but ever since reading that first chapter he had been strangely distant maybe it was because he had found out about his death, still Lily couldn't forget the look of disappointment on his face when she had told him about Marigold.

Eventually they arrived at the library, James opened the door for her, she smiled and went through sitting down beside Remus to compare Potions summer essays.

James took out the book from where it was hidden, and threw it over to Lily; she caught it expertly much to the astonishment of James and Sirius. She ignored them and began to read.

**Nearly ten years had passed since the Dursleys had woken up to find their nephew on the front step, but Privet Drive had hardly changed at all. The sun rose on the same tidy front gardens and lit up the brass number four on the Dursleys' front door; it crept into their living-room, which was almost exactly the same as it had been on the night when Mr. Dursley had seen that fateful news report about the owls. Only the photographs on the mantelpiece really showed how much time had passed. Ten years ago, there had been lots of pictures of what looked like a large pink beach ball** **wearing different-coloured bobble hats **

"Why would someone take pictures of a beach ball with different hats?" Sirius asked,

"I think they might be talking about that Dursley kid, Dudley."

**- but Dudley Dursley **

"See!"

**was no longer a baby,** a**nd now the photographs showed a large, blond boy riding his first bicycle, on a roundabout at the fair, playing a computer game** **with his father,** **being hugged and kissed by his mother.** **The room held no sign at all that another boy lived in the house, too.**

"I'm sure Harry feels very loved." James muttered angrily.

**Yet Harry Potter was still there,** **asleep at the moment, but not for long. His Aunt Petunia was awake and it was her shrill voice which made the first noise of the day.**

**"Up! Get up! Now!"**

**Harry woke with a start. His aunt rapped on the door again.**

**"Up!" she screeched. **

"What a lovely thing to here every morning!" Sirius commented. James scowled angrily, he was going to make sure he didn't die so his future kid would never have to go through this.

**Harry heard her walking towards the kitchen and then the sound of the frying pan being put on the cooker. He rolled on to his back and tried to remember the dream he had been having. It had been a good one. There had been a flying motorbike in it.** **He had a funny feeling he'd had the same dream before.**

"YES!" Sirius shouted, "He remembers my motorbike!"

**His aunt was back outside the door**

**"Are you up yet?" she demanded.**

**"Nearly," said Harry.**

**"Well, get a move on, I want you to look after the bacon. And don't you dare let it burn, I want everything perfect on Duddy's birthday."**

"I wonder what Harry's birthdays are like." Lily said thoughtfully, everyone took a moment to consider this.

**Harry groaned.**

**"What did you say?" his aunt snapped through the door.**

**"Nothing, nothing ..."**

**Dudley's birthday - how could he have forgotten? Harry got slowly out of bed and started looking for socks.** **He found a pair under his bed and, after pulling a spider off one of them, **

"Urgh, I hate spiders!" Lily said, Sirius smirked

"Lily do you happen to suffer from arachnophobia?"

"No." she said quickly, a little _too _quickly.

**put them on. Harry was used to spiders, because the cupboard under the stairs was full of them,**

James frowned, "Why would Harry spend time in a cupboard?"

**and that was where he slept.**

Everyone cried out in outrage. "That evil cow makes my kid sleep in a cupboard!"

"Those people are going to pay!"

**When he was dressed he went down the hall into the kitchen. The table was almost hidden beneath all Dudley's birthday presents.**

Before the others could say "brat" Remus quickly intervened

"You don't know how big the table is."

**It looked as though Dudley had got the new computer he wanted, not to mention the second television**

Lily frowned, "Who needs _two_ televisions? I don't even have _one_!"

"Um Lily?"

"Yes."

"What's a television?" Lily sighed and took out her video camera. Taking off the lense she recorded Remus juggling. She then pressed play back and showed Sirius and James the small screen.

"A television is a big box with a screen that shows moving images like the ones on the screen of my camera."

"OK."

**and the racing bike. Exactly why Dudley wanted a racing bike was a mystery to Harry, as Dudley was very fat and hated exercise **

"Yea that makes no sense."

**- unless of course it involved punching somebody. **

Lily's eyes narrowed, "This kid reminds me of someone who lives on my street. He goes about beating the crap out of people for no good reason."

"Has he ever hurt you Lily?"

"…"

**Dudley's favourite punch-bag was Harry, but he couldn't often catch him. Harry didn't look it, but he was very fast.**

"GO PRONGSLET!"

**Perhaps it had something to do with living in a dark cupboard, but Harry had always been small and skinny for his age.**

"Three guesses where he got that from!"

"Hey! I happen to be very tall!"

**He looked even smaller and skinnier than he really was because all he had to wear were old clothes of Dudley's**

"WHAT!! THEY CAN'T EVEN BUY HIM HIS OWN CLOTHES!! THOSE EVIL BASTARDS!!"

**and Dudley was about four times bigger than he was.**

"I don't find that too hard to believe!"

**Harry had a thin face, knobbly knees, black hair**

"NOOOOOO!! POOR PRONGSLET!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"…"

**and bright-green eyes.**

Everyone turned to look at Lily, "What part of 'my sister's name is Marigold' do you guys not understand?"

"Well, I have brown eyes so my future wife must have green eyes. That's another thing to add to the list."

**He wore round glasses held together by a lot of Sellotape because of all the times Dudley had punched him on the nose.**

"Guys we really are going to need to give this kid an attitude adjustment."

**The only thing Harry liked about his appearance was a very thin scar on his forehead which was shaped like a bolt of lightning.**

"Cool!"

"Poor kid. D'you think he got it when Voldemort tried to kill him?"

**He had had it as long as he could remember and the first question he could ever remember asking his Aunt Petunia was how he had got it.**

"**In the car crash when your parents died,"**

"Didn't Minnie and Dumbledore say you got killed by Voldie?" Sirius said confused;

"Yeah she did. But what's a car?" James replied. Lily sighed;

"A car is a Muggle method of transportation. Next year take Muggle Studies!"

"Why would I drive a car?"

"I have absolutely no idea." Sirius suddenly realised something,

"Guys, I just realised something. Since this Petunia person is a Muggle and is also your wife's sister, there is a possibility that this Lily is Muggle-Born." Lily shook her head,

"Petunia might be a squib."

**she had said. "And don't ask questions."**

"Children have to ask questions! Otherwise they never learn anything!"

_**Don't ask questions**_** - that was the first rule for a quiet life with the Dursleys.**

**Uncle Vernon entered the kitchen as Harry was turning over the bacon.**

"MY KID IS NOT A DOMESTIC APPLIANCE!"

"**Comb your hair!" he barked, by way of a morning greeting.**

James shook his head, "Not possible. Believe me, I've tried."

**About once a week, Uncle Vernon looked over the top of his newspaper and shouted that Harry needed a haircut. Harry must have had more haircuts than the rest of the boys in his class put together, **

"Those people never learn."

**but it made no difference, his hair simply grew that way - all over the place.**

"Welcome to my world!"

**Harry was frying eggs** **by the time Dudley arrived in the kitchen with his mother. Dudley looked a lot like Uncle Vernon. **

"Poor kid."

**He had a large, pink face, not muck neck, small, watery blue eyes and thick, blond hair that lay smoothly on his thick, fat head.**

"What a lovely way to describe someone."

**Aunt Petunia often said that Dudley looked like a baby angel **

James and Sirius snorted at this.

**- Harry often said that Dudley looked like a pig in a wig.**

Everyone burst into uncontrollable laughter at this, "Prongs Junior is going to be a brilliant Marauder!"

"Oh good God not another one!"

"I feel for you Lily."

**Harry put the plates of egg and bacon on the table, which was difficult as there wasn't much room. Dudley, meanwhile, was counting his presents. His face fell.**

**"Thirty-six,"**

"It was definitely a HUGE table!"

"What kind of kid gets thirty six presents for their birthday? I barely got FIVE!"

"Why do I have a strange feeling Harry doesn't get that many presents?"

**he said, looking up at his mother and father. "That's two less than last year."**

"Oh my freakin GOD!"

"Spoilt brat!!"

"**Darling, you haven't counted Auntie Marge's present, see, it's here under this big one from Mummy and Daddy."**

"Freakin typical! Life is so unfair!"

"I get you a present every year Lily."

"Wait, YOU'RE my secret admirer?!"

"…of crap!"

"**All right, thirty-seven then," said Dudley, going red in the face.** **Harry, who could see a huge Dudley tantrum coming on, **

"Hey what do you guys say to stealing all this kid's present and give them to the salvation army?"

**began wolfing down his bacon as fast as possible in case Dudley turned the table over.**

"Smart kid."

**Aunt Petunia obviously scented danger too, because she said quickly, "And we'll buy you another **_**two**_** presents while we're out today. How's that, popkin? **_**Two**_** more presents. Is that all right?"**

"Talk about bribing the kid's silence."

**Dudley thought for a moment. It looked like hard work.** **Finally he said slowly, "So I'll have thirty ... thirty ..."**

"Merlin! Does this guy have a learning difficulty?" (No offense people with learning difficulties)

"Any moron can add two to thirty seven!"

**"Thirty nine, sweetums," said Aunt Petunia.**

"At least she can count."

"Sweetums?" Everyone sniggered.

**"Oh." Dudley sat down heavily and grabbed the nearest parcel. "All right then."**

**Uncle Vernon chuckled. **

**"Little tyke**

"Little? LITTLE? That kid must be the size of a frigging walrus!!"

**wants his money's worth, just like his father.** **Atta boy, Dudley!" He ruffled Dudley's hair**.

**At that moment the telephone **

"…" Lily sighed loudly,

"Muggle communications device. I'll show you something similar later."

**rang** **and Aunt Petunia went to answer it while Harry and Uncle Vernon watched Dudley unwrap the racing bike, a cine-camera, a remote control airplane, sixteen new computer games and a video recorder.**

James opened his mouth about to say something but Lily cut him off.

"Just. Take. Muggle. Studies. Next. Year."

**He was ripping the paper off a gold wristwatch when Aunt Petunia came back from the telephone, looking both angry and worried.**

**"Bad news, Vernon," she said. "Mrs. Figg's **

James shuddered, Lily frowned. "What, do you know her or something?"

"Yeah, whenever Mum and Dad had to go to a conference they sent me to live with her. She's a squib and a good friend of the family."

**broken her leg. She can't take him." She jerked her head in Harry's direction.**

Sirius frowned, "What does she mean by, 'she can't take him'?"

**Dudley's mouth fell open in horror, but Harry's heart gave a leap. **

"Okay now I'm really confused!"

**Every year on Dudley's birthday his parents took him and a friend out for the day, to adventure parks, hamburger bars or the cinema. Every year, Harry was left behind with Mrs. Figg, **

"WHAT? They leave him with a crazy old lady who lives in a house that smells like cabbage where she spends all day talking about her cats?!"

**a mad old lady who lived two streets away.** **Harry hated it there. The whole house smelled of cabbage and Mrs. Figg made him look at photographs all the cats she'd ever owned.**

Everyone looked at James, "That was WEIRD!"

**"Now what?" said Aunt Petunia, looking furiously at Harry as though he'd planned this. Harry knew he ought to feel sorry that Mrs. Figg had broken her leg, **

"Yes. He should." Lily said stiffly.

**but it wasn't easy when he reminded himself it would be a whole year before he had to look at Tibbles, Snowy, Mr. Paws and Tufty again.**

"I feel for him. I really do."

**"We could phone Marge," Uncle Vernon suggested.**

**"Don't be silly, Vernon, she hates the boy."**

"What did Harry ever do to her?"

**The Dursleys often spoke about Harry like this, as though he wasn't there - or rather, as though he was something very nasty that couldn't understand them, like a slug.**

"Those bastards!" Lily looked thoughtful,

"You know I had a friend who thought slugs were cute." (AN: I actually have a friend who thinks slugs are cute!)

"…"

"It's not that weird!"

"…"

**"What about what's-her-name, your friend - Yvonne?"**

"If she's Petunia's friend she must be a bitch!"

**"On holiday in Majorca," snapped Aunt Petunia.**

**"You could just leave me here," Harry put in hopefully (he'd be able to watch what he wanted on television for a change and maybe even have a go on Dudley's computer.)**

"That would be nice for Harry."

"THAT BITCH DOESN'T LET MY KID WATCH WEIRD MUGGLE THINGS!"

**Aunt Petunia looked as though she'd just swallowed a lemon.**

Everyone shuddered.

**"And come back and find the house in ruins?" she snarled.**

"You know for revenge we could actually blow up their house." Sirius said an evil smile on his face. Lily glared at him,

"Sirius that wouldn't help anyone."

"EXACTLY!"

"But then my kid wouldn't have anywhere to live!"

"Well, you see after blowing up the house, I would kidnap Harry and take him to live with me!"

"Alright blow up the house! In fact as Godfather you have no choice!"

"What do you mean I have no choice?"

"If you didn't I would haunt you!"

"Ok I'll blow up their house!"

"Good doggie!"

"**I won't blow up the house," said Harry, **

Lily smiled triumphantly at the others. Sirius scowled.

**but they weren't listening.**

"That's not nice."

**"I suppose we could take him to the zoo,"**

"YES!"

**said Aunt Petunia slowly, "... and leave him in the car ..."**

"No."

**"That car's new, he's not sitting in it alone ..."**

"What's he going to do? Blow it up?"

"If he has any sense he would."

**Dudley began to cry loudly.**

"Wimp."

**In fact he wasn't really crying, it had been years since he'd really cried, but he knew that if he screwed up his face and wailed, his mother would give him anything he wanted.**

"SPOILT BRAT!"

"James cal-"

"I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!"

**"Dinky Duddydums, **

Everyone burst into laughter, Remus said, still laughing "Dinky Duddydums? Merlin I almost feel sorry for the kid!"

**don't cry,** **Mummy won't let him spoil your special day!" she cried, flinging her arms around him.**

"My GOD this woman is thick! I can not believe she fell for it!"

"**I ... don't ... want ... him ... t-t-to come!" Dudley yelled between huge pretend sobs. "He always sp-spoils everything!" He shot Harry a nasty grin through the gap in his mother's arms.**

"That kid is pure evil."

"I wouldn't be surprised if Petunia went off and shagged Voldemort and that is the result!"

**Just then, the doorbell rang – "Oh, Good Lord, they're here!" said Aunt Petunia frantically - and a moment later, Dudley's best friend, Piers Polkiss,** **walked in with his mother.** **Piers was a scrawny boy with a face like a rat.** **He was usually the one who held people's arms behind their backs while Dudley hit them.**

"No offense to Peter but this Piers guy, sounds a lot like him."

"I know looks like a rat, and has a small part in the group."

**Dudley stopped pretending to cry at once.**

Lily rolled her eyes, "Typical male behaviour, act emotional when you want something then when your friends turn up you're back to being a bastard."

**Half an hour later, Harry, who couldn't believe his luck, was sitting in the back of the Dursleys' car with Piers and Dudley, on the way to the zoo for the first time in his life.**

"First time? Lots of people got to the zoo when they're children!"

"Those people are going to get it!"

**His aunt and uncle hadn't been able to think of anything else to do with him, but before they'd left, Uncle Vernon had taken Harry aside.**

**"I'm warning you," he had said, putting his large purple face right up close to Harry's,**

"OH MY GOD IT'S HIDEOUS!"

"EVERYBODY RUN!!"

**"I'm warning you now, boy -any funny business, anything at all - and you'll be in that cupboard from now until Christmas."**

"Ok I really hate this guy."

"Don't worry James, I'll get revenge for you!"

"Moony, don't talk like that! We'll make sure James doesn't die!!"

**"I'm not going to do anything," said Harry, "honestly ..."**

**But Uncle Vernon didn't believe him. No ever did. **

"I would believe him." Everyone else voiced their agreement.

**The problem was, strange things often happened around Harry and it was just no good telling the Dursleys he didn't make them happen.**

"Probably kiddie magic."

"I once changed my teacher's hair colour!"

"Wow, Lily you could actually be a Marauder!"

"How insulting!!"

**Once, Aunt Petunia, tired of Harry coming back from the barber's looking as though he hadn't been at all, **

"Those people never learn."

**had taken a pair of kitchen scissors and cut his hair so short he was almost bald except for his fringe,** **which she left 'to hide that horrible scar'.**

"It'll probably just grow straight back."

**Dudley laughed himself silly at Harry, who spent a sleepless night imagining school the next day, where he was already laughed at for his baggy clothes and his Sellotaped glasses. **

"You know if I turned up they would beg his forgiveness!"

"Sirius you can not just go around threatening people!"

"Spoil sport."

**Next morning, however, he had got up to find his hair exactly as it had been before Aunt Petunia had sheared it off.**

"That's weird." Lily said looking at James, Sirius nodded and shuffled away from his friend. Remus sighed.

**He had been given a week in his cupboard for this,** **even though he had tried to explain that he **_**couldn't**_** explain how it had grown back so quickly.**

"That's so unfair! How was it his fault?"

**Another time, Aunt Petunia had been trying to force him into a revolting old jumper of Dudley's (brown with orange bobbles).**

"Oh my GOD! The poor child!"

**The harder she tried to pull it over his head, the smaller it seemed to become, until finally it might have fitted a glove puppet, but certainly wouldn't fit Harry.** **Aunt Petunia had decided it must have shrunk in the wash and, to his great relief, Harry wasn't punished.**

James sighed in relief; _he_ didn't even want to know what he would do to those people if Harry had been punished for that.

**On the other hand, he'd got into terrible trouble for being found on the roof of the school kitchens.**

"That's understandable."

**Dudley's gang had been chasing him as usual** **when, as much to Harry's surprise as anyone else's, there he was sitting on the chimney.**

"PRONSLET APPARATED! GO PRONGS JUNIOR!!"

**The Dursley's had received a very angry letter from Harry's headmistress telling them Harry had been climbing school buildings. But all he tried to do (as he shouted at Uncle Vernon through the locked door of his cupboard)** **was jump behind the big bins outside the kitchen doors. Harry supposed that the wind must have caught him in mid-jump.**

"Fat chance, no wind could carry you that high!"

**But today, nothing was going to go wrong. **

Lily sighed, "He just jinxed it now." Sirius frowned,

"How can Harry jinx something? He doesn't have a wand yet!" Lily sighed again.

**It was even worth being with Dudley and Piers to be spending the day somewhere that wasn't school, his cupboard or Mrs. Figg's cabbage-smelling living-room.**

"Are those the only places Harry goes to? What about school trips? Dentist appointments? Doctor's appointments?"

**While he drove, Uncle Vernon complained to Aunt Petunia. He liked to complain about things: people at work, Harry, the council, Harry, the bank and Harry** **were just a few of his favourite subjects. **

"This guy like to complain about Harry doesn't he?"

**This morning, it was motorbikes.**

"HEY! Motorbikes RULE!!"

**"... roaring along like maniacs, the young hoodlums," **

"I AM NOT A HOODLUM!!"

"…"

"I'm not!!"

"…"

**he said, as a motorbike overtook them.**

**"I had a dream about a motorbike," said Harry, remembering suddenly. "It was flying."**

"I have a feeling he shouldn't have said that."

**Uncle Vernon nearly crashed into the car in front. He turned right around in his seat and yelled at Harry, his face like a gigantic beetroot with a moustache, **

"SHIELD YOUR EYES!! IT'S HIDEOUS!!"

**"MOTORBIKES DON'T FLY!"**

"YEAH THEY DO!" Sirius shouted, "I know I'm going to get a flying motorbike!"

**Dudley and Piers sniggered.**

**"I know they don't," said Harry. **"**It was only a dream."**

"No Harry," Sirius said trying to be wise, "It was a memory from your forbidden past."

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

**But he wished he hadn't said anything. If there was one thing the Dursleys hated even more than his asking questions, it was his talking about anything acting in a way it shouldn't, no matter if it was in a dream or even in a cartoon - they seemed to think he might get dangerous ideas.**

"Oh, yeah. Like when we read that weird book about 'Fantastic Beasts' and used it to prank Snivellus!"

"I remember that! He was so freaked by the fake Manticore he actually wet himself!"

**It was a very sunny Saturday and the zoo was crowded with people. The Dursleys bought Dudley and Piers large chocolate ice-creams at the entrance** **and then, because the smiling lady in the van had asked Harry what he wanted before they could hurry him away, they bought him a cheap lemon ice lolly.**

James looked livid, "At least it's better than nothing." Lily said softly.

**It wasn't bad either, Harry thought,** **licking it as they watched a gorilla scratching its head and looking remarkably like Dudley, except that it wasn't blond.**

Everyone laughed. "This kid is going to be a brilliant Marauder!"

**Harry had the best morning he'd had in a long time. He was careful to walk a little way apart from the Dursleys so that Dudley and Piers, who were starting to get bored with the animals by lunchtime, wouldn't fall back on their favourite hobby of hitting him.**

"I hate bullies." James said angrily.

"YOU ARE SO HYPOCRITICAL!" Lily shouted,

"What?"

"You BULLY Snape all the time!" James stayed silent.

**They ate in the zoo restaurant and when Dudley had a tantrum because his knickerbockers glory wasn't big enough,** **Uncle Vernon bought him another one and Harry was allowed to finish the first.**

"It looks like things are looking up." Remus said trying to lighten up the atmosphere.

**Harry felt, afterwards, that he should have known it was all too good to last.**

"Oh great."

**After lunch they went to the reptile house.** **It was cool and dark in here, with lit windows all along the walls. Behind the glass, all sorts of lizards and snakes were crawling and slithering over bits of wood and stone.** **Dudley and Piers wanted to see huge, poisonous cobras and thick, man-crushing pythons.**

Lily snorted, "Typical."

**Dudley quickly found the largest snake in the place.** **It could have wrapped its body twice around Uncle Vernon's car, and crushed it into a dustbin -** **but at the moment it didn't look in the mood.** **In fact, it was fast asleep.**

Sirius sighed, "What a shame."

**Dudley stood with his nose pressed against the glass, staring at the glistening brown coils**.

**"Make it move," he whined at his father. **

"I wonder how this kid would deal with my parents!" Sirius said a smile creeping up his face as he imagined it.

**Uncle Vernon tapped on the glass, but the snake didn't budge.**

**"Do it again," Dudley ordered.**

"It's nice to see who wears the pants in _that_ relationship."

**Uncle Vernon rapped the glass smartly with his knuckles, but the snake just snoozed on.**

**"This is boring," Dudley moaned. He shuffled away.**

**Harry moved in front of the tank and looked intently at the snake. He wouldn't have been surprised if it had died of boredom itself - no company except stupid people drumming their fingers on the glass trying to disturb it all day long. It was worse than having a cupboard for a bedroom, where the only visitor was Aunt Petunia hammering on the door to wake you up** **- at least he got to visit the rest of the house.**

"Harry had better not start liking snakes."

"Yeah we don't want him to become a Slytherin."

**The snake suddenly opened its beady eyes. Slowly, very slowly, it raised its head until its eyes were level with Harry's. **_**It winked.**_

"OH MY FREAKIN GOD! It's Salazar in disguise trying to kill the last Potter heir!"

"Why would Slytherin want to kill the last Potter."

"oh erm er."

**Harry stared. Then he looked quickly around to see if anyone was watching. They weren't. He looked back at the snake and winked, too.**

"Oh no."

**The snake jerked its head towards Uncle Vernon and Dudley, then raised its eyes to the ceiling. It gave Harry a look that said quite plainly: **_**"I get that all the time."**_

"NONONONONONONONONONO!"

**I know," Harry murmured through the glass, though he wasn't sure the snake could hear him. "It must be really annoying."**

**The snake nodded vigorously**

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

**"Where do you come from, anyway?" Harry asked.**

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!"

"MY KID IS A PARSELTONGUE!!"

**The snake jabbed its tail at a little sign next to the glass. Harry peered at it. **

_**Boa Constrictor, Brazil.**_

**"Was it nice there?"**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" slap

"Lily was that really necessary?"

"I think so."

**The boa constrictor jabbed its tail at the sign again and Harry read on: **_**This specimen was bred in the zoo.**_** "Oh, I see - so you've never been to Brazil?"**

"NO-" slap

"I'll keep doing that until you shut up!" whimper

**As the snake shook its head, a deafening shout behind Harry made both of them jump. "DUDLEY! MR DURSLEY! COME AND LOOK AT THIS SNAKE! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT IT'S DOING!"**

**Dudley came waddling towards them as fast as he could. **

"They make Dudley sound like a penguin!"

"No- Penguin's are cute! Dudley is NOT cute."

**"Out of the way, you," he said, punching Harry in the ribs.**

"BASTARD!!"

"Ok I have to agree! That kid is evil!"

**Caught by surprise, Harry fell hard on the concrete floor. ****What came next happened so fast no one saw how it happened - one second, Piers and Dudley were leaning right up close to the glass, the next, they had leapt back with howls of horror.**

**Harry sat up and gasped; the glass front of the boa constrictor's tank had vanished. **

"Uh oh, Harry's going to get in trouble for this. I can tell."

**The great snake was uncoiling itself rapidly, slithering out on to the floor - people throughout the reptile house screamed and started running for the exits.**

**As the snake slid swiftly past him, Harry could have sworn a low, hissing voice said, " Brazil, here I come ... Thanksss, amigo."**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" slap

"LILY!"

"Shut up Sirius, if you scream again I WILL slap you!"

"Ha HA! Padfoot got told off!"

"The same goes for you Potter!"

**The keeper of the reptile house was in shock.**

**"But the glass," he kept saying, "where did the glass go?"**

"Merlin knows."

**The zoo director himself made Aunt Petunia a cup of strong sweet tea while he apologized over and over again.** **Piers and Dudley could only gibber. As far as Harry had seen, the snake hadn't done anything except snap playfully at their heels as it passed,** **but by the time they were all back in Uncle Vernon's car, Dudley was telling them how it had nearly bitten off his leg,** **while Piers was swearing it had tried to squeeze him to death.**

"Men are _so_ melodramatic!"

**But, worst of all, for Harry at least, was Piers calming down enough to say, "Harry was talking to it, weren't you, Harry?"**

"I knew Harry was going to get in trouble for this!"

"Yes Remus, you told us!"

**Uncle Vernon waited until Piers was safely out of the house before starting on Harry. He was so angry he could hardly speak. He managed to say, "Go - cupboard - stay - no meals,"** **before he collapsed into a chair and Aunt Petunia had to run and get him a large brandy.**

"That Dursley had better feed my son! Even if he is a-a Parseltongue"

"Acceptance is the quickest way to get over it."

**Harry lay in his dark cupboard much later, wishing he had a watch. He didn't know what time it was and he couldn't be sure the Dursleys were asleep yet. Until they were, he couldn't risk sneaking in to the kitchen for some food.**

"HEY! Why doesn't Harry have my invisibility cloak? He could have sneaked down easily!"

**He'd lived with the Dursleys almost ten years, ten miserable years, as long as he could remember, ever since he'd been a baby and his parents had died in that car crash. He couldn't remember being in the car when his parents had died.**

"That's because we didn't die in a car crash!"

**Sometimes, when he strained his memory during long hours in his cupboard, he came up with a strange vision: a blinding flash of green light** **and a burning pain on his forehead. **

"OH MY GOD! The only spell that is green is the Avada Kedavra!"

"PRONGSLET SURVIVED THE AVADA KEDAVRA! AWESOME!!"

**This, he supposed, was the crash,** **though he couldn't imagine where the green light came from.** **He couldn't remember his parents at all.**

"Oh." Then Lily did the most unexplainable thing, she HUGGED him.

**His aunt and uncle never spoke about them, and of course he was forbidden to ask questions. There were no photographs of them in the house.**

"Great, me and future wife are dead and they don't even have pictures of us!!"

**When he had been younger, Harry had dreamed and dreamed of some unknown relation coming to take him away, but it had never happened;** **the Dursleys were his only family.** **Yet sometimes he thought (or maybe hoped) that strangers in the street seemed to know him. **

"IT'S ME!!"

**Very strange strangers they were, too.**

"Okay maybe not."

**A tiny man in a violet top hat had bowed to him once while out shopping with Aunt Petunia and Dudley. **

"Harry's not royalty, why are they bowing to him?"

**After asking Harry furiously if he knew the man, Aunt Petunia had rushed them out of the shop without buying anything. **

"Paranoid cow!"

**A wild-looking woman dressed in all green has waved merrily at him once on a bus. A bald man in a very long purple cloak had actually shaken his hand in the street the other day then walked away without another word. **

"That is so rude!"

"Yeah, they could have at least told him about me!"

**The weirdest thing about all these people was the way they seemed to vanish the second Harry tried to get a closer look.**

"Apparition."

**At school, Harry had no one. Everybody knew that Dudley's gang hated that odd Harry Potter in his baggy old clothes and broken glasses, and nobody liked to disagree with Dudley's gang.**

"Wimpy gits!" Lily closed the book,

"That's the end of the chapter." James stood up and pulled out two sheets of paper.

"Okay everyone, back to our lists, same groups as before."

Sirius and Remus decided to make a booklet of what they learned each chapter, so took out a plain piece of parchment to write about this chapter.

A while later they compared lists again;

**

* * *

**

What We've Learned So Far (Chapter 2)

Ten years have passed.

The Dursleys couldn't care less about Harry.

Harry's been doing kiddie magic.

The Dursley's make him sleep in cupboard, THOSE BASTARDS (surprisingly Remus wrote the last bit!!)

Harry is being forced into being a domestic appliance.

Harry remembers my motorbike! Damn that kid has a good memory!

Dudley's a fat pig.

Dudley is a spoilt brat who got thirty nine presents for his birthday.

Dudley likes beating up Harry, the evil BASTARD!

Harry has to wear Dudley's old clothes and Dudley is about four times the size of Harry!

Harry has a cool scar!

Harry has the Potter hair Merlin help him!

The Dursleys have told Harry James died in a car crash (what a load of shit!)

The Dursleys don't understand the Potter hair!

Harry's had a lot of haircuts for that reason.

Dudley looks like Vernon, poor kid!

The Dursley's make Harry spend time with a crazy old lady!!

The Dursleys are very paranoid.

Harry's being doing kiddie magic.

Harry's a Parseltongue. NOOOOOOOOOO!!

Dursley is an evil git who locks people in cupboards.

Harry freed a snake, he had better not be in Slytherin.

Wizards are bowing and shacking Harry's hand.

Harry apparated! GO PRONGSLET!

All the Muggles at Harry's school have no backbone!

**

* * *

**

The Search for James' Wife

Her name is Lily

Her sister is Petunia Dursley, her brother in law is Vernon Dursley and her nephew is Dudley Dursley.

She and her sister hate each other.

It is implied but not confirmed that she goes to Hogwarts.

Unless she screwed around on James (highly unlikely) she has green eyes.

We have no clue to a last or middle name.

With Petunia's hate for magic there is a possibility that Lily is Muggle born.

* * *

"What time is it?" Lily asked, James glanced at his watch.

"Ten past nine, breakfast should be ready now." Everyone got up and walked towards the dinning room, except Sirius, he ran.


	4. Letters From No One

**Disclaimer/BTW:**

**Steph: Ok people you know the drill, my lurvely friend JRK doesn't own anything.**

**Tom: Yeah so back off!**

**Alison: Lalalalalalaaaaaaaaa! I'm like a hippo I wanna roll in muuuud! I dunno where my tusk is, I dunno where my home iiiiiiis! I'm like a hippooooo!!**

**Tom/Steph/JRK: …**

**JRK: She scares me.**

**Tom/Steph: Welcome to the club.**

**JRK: By the way thanks for all the reviews!! Keep reviewing and Tom will give you a hug!!**

**Tom: WHAT?! I didn't agree to this!!**

**Steph: He's one of the hottest guys at LOTL Academy! With the exception of Mr Imreallyreallyhot the gorgeous Magical History teacher. Loud sigh**

**Tom: fumes silently because he secretly fancies Steph**

**Katie: You will all die and Tom will be MINE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!**

**Alison: I'M LIKE A HIPPOOOOOOO!! YEAAAAAHHHH!!**

**Katie: Oh my God you are so retarded I can't believe we're twins!**

**Steph: Hey only we can call Alison a retard!**

**Alison: Loud fart!**

**(Everyone except JRK knocked out by the stench because JRK was wearing a gas mask)**

**JRK: Now that everyone's unconscious we can get on with the story!**

**The Letters From No One**

Lily looked at the letter in disbelief, it couldn't be! But it was, she wiped her eyes not even considering the end of the letter with its implications. She sniffed and glanced at a magical alarm clock, 5AM, maybe she should go talk to Remus.

Lily crept along the corridors until she found herself outside Remus' room, clutching the letter in her hand. She knocked timidly, "Come in." Lily opened the door and walked in; Remus could see the red eyes that betrayed how much she had cried. "Lily's what-" wordlessly she handed him the letter.

He read it through several times before it sank in, he walked over to Lily and wrapped his arms around her whilst she cried.

* * *

"Alright everyone ready to start reading?" James asked five hours later,

"Hey Lily weren't you going to show us that fellyphone thing?" Sirius asked suddenly. Instead of Lily answering Remus did.

"Lily doesn't feel like it right now." James shrugged and tossed the book at Sirius.

**The escape of the Brazilian boa constrictor earned Harry his longest-ever punishment.**

"What the hell? How can they blame him? THOSE BASTARDS!!"

**By the time he was allowed out of his cupboard again, the summer holidays had started** **and Dudley had already broken his new cine-camera, crashed his remote-control aeroplane and, first time on his racing bike, knocked down old Mrs. Figg as she crossed Privet Drive on her crutches.**

"Wow the kid actually rode the bike? AMAZING!"

"How could he break all those things in that space of time?"

**Harry was glad school was over, but there was no escaping Dudley's gang, who visited the house every single day.**

"Oh joy, more kids to beat up my son."

**Piers, Dennis, Malcolm and Gordon** **were all big and stupid,** **but as Dudley was the biggest and stupidest of the lot, he was the leader.**

"Well, that's true."

"Are you kidding? I'm surprised he can walk and talk at the same time!"

**The rest of them were quite happy to join in Dudley's favourite sport: Harry-hunting.**

James and Sirius growled menacingly. Even Lily glared at the book for a moment.

**This was why Harry spent as much time as possible out of the house, wandering around thinking about the end of the holidays, where he could see a tiny ray of hope. **

"Yeah me, coming to save him on my amazing flying motorbike!"

"He's not going to let us forget it until we buy it for him?"

**When September came he would be going off to secondary school** **and, for the first time in his life, he wouldn't be with Dudley. **

"WHOOHOO!"

"Don't get too excited Sirius, this is the Dursleys we're talking about!"

**Dudley had a place at Uncle Vernon's old school, Smeltings.**

"What a weird name for a school."

"And 'Hogwarts' isn't?"

**Piers Polkiss was going there, too. **

"Merlin help us."

**Harry, on the other hand, was going to Stonewall High, the local comprehensive.**

"COMPREHENSIVE?!"

**Dudley thought this was very funny.**

"Bastard."

**"They stuff people's heads down the toilet first day at Stonewall," he told Harry. "Want to come upstairs and practice?"**

"DON'T YOU DARE DURSLEY!!"

**"No thanks," said Harry. "The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick"** **Then he ran for it before Dudley could work out what he'd said.**

Everyone except Lily laughed at this. She just smiled weakly, only James noticed.

**One day in July, **

"I bet Harry's birthday is in July!" James said suddenly, Sirius raised an eyebrow, James looked down embarrassed. "I always wanted my kid to be born in July, I don't know why."

**Aunt Petunia took Dudley to London to buy his Smeltings uniform, leaving Harry at Mrs. Figg's. **

"Typical, still don't trust him alone in the house."

**Mrs. Figg wasn't as bad as usual. **

"Huh?"

**It turned out she'd broken her leg tripping over one her cats and she didn't seem quite as fond of them as before.**

"HAS THE WORLD GONE INSANE?!"

"Maybe it's because your dead Prongsie."

"Gee, thanks."

**She let Harry watch television and gave him a bit of chocolate cake that tasted as though she'd had it for several years.**

"Hey I bought her chocolate cake for her birthday last year. She said she was going to save it… OH MERLIN NO!!"

**That evening, Dudley paraded around the living-room for the family in his brand-new uniform. Smeltings boys wore maroon tailcoats, orange knickerbockers and flat straw hats called boaters.** **They also carried knobbly sticks, used for hitting each other while the teachers weren't looking.** **This was supposed to be good training for later life.**

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"HE BETTER NOT USE IT ON HARRY!"

**As he looked at Dudley in his new knickerbockers, Uncle Vernon said gruffly that it was the proudest moment of his life.**

"The guy hasn't had a very interesting life has he?"

**Aunt Petunia burst into tears and said she couldn't believe her Ickle Dudleykins,**

"…"

"I almost feel sorry for him."

**he looked so handsome and grown-up.**

"I find that VERY hard to believe."

**Harry didn't trust himself to speak. He thought two of his ribs might already have cracked from trying not to laugh.**

Lily laughed.

**There was a horrible smell in the kitchen the next morning**

"Urgh. DUDLEY!!"

**when Harry went for breakfast. It seemed to be coming from a large metal tub in the sink.** **He went to have a look. The tub was full of what looked like dirty rags swimming in grey water**.

"Maybe Dursley has killed someone and is washing out the blood stains."

**"What's this?" he asked Aunt Petunia. **

"NO HARRY SHE'LL KILL YOU TOO!!" slap! "Thanks Lily, I needed that."

**Her lips tightened as they always did if he dared to ask a question.**

"NOOO!" loud sigh.

**"Your new school uniform," she said.**

"oh."

"Isn't it a bit wet?"

**Harry looked in the bowl again.**

**"Oh," he said. "I didn't realise it had to be so wet."**

Everyone looked at Lily. "Scary."

**"Don't be stupid,"**

"Only Dudley is stupid!"

**snapped aunt Petunia. "I'm dyeing** **some of Dudley's old things grey for you. It'll look like everyone else's when I've finished."**

"What?!"

**Harry seriously doubted this, but thought it best not to argue. He sat down at the table and tried not to think about how he was going to look on his first day at Stonewall High - like he was wearing bits of old elephant skin, probably.**

"Way to make Harry fit in."

"He's been showing kiddie magic so he should get his letter soon."

"HEY! The title of this chapter is 'the letters from no one' HARRY'S GOING TO HOGWARTS!!"

**Dudley and Uncle Vernon came in, both with wrinkled noses because of the smell from Harry's new uniform.** **Uncle Vernon opened his newspaper as usual and Dudley banged his Smeltings stick, which he carried everywhere, on the table.**

"Oh yeah 'getting training for later life' what a load of bullshit!"

**They heard the click of the letter-box and flop of letters on the doormat.**

"Hogwarts!!"

**"Get the post, Dudley," said Uncle Vernon from behind his paper.**

"Yes!"

"**Make Harry get it."**

**"Get the post, Harry."**

"No."

**"Make Dudley get it."**

"Yes."

**"Poke him with your Smeltings stick, Dudley."**

"YOU ASSHOLE!!"

**Harry dodged the Smeltings stick** **and went to get the post.** **Three things lay on the doormat: a postcard from Uncle Vernon's sister Marge,** **who was holidaying on the Isle of Wight,** **a brown envelope that looked like a bill** **and - **_**a letter for Harry**_**.**

"HOGWARTS!!"

**Harry picked it up and stared at it,** **his heart twanging like a giant elastic band.** **No one, ever, in his whole life, had written to him.**

"Thanks Padfoot, Moony."

"Hey why aren't you accusing Lily?"

"Because Lily isn't my best friend in the whole wide world!"

**Who would?** **He had no friends, **

"I am going to kill Dudley, he's obviously the reason for this."

"We'll help you kill him."

**no other relatives** **he didn't belong to the library so he'd never even got rude notes asking for books back. Yet, here it was, a letter, addressed so plainly there could be no mistake:**

_**Mr. H. Potter, the Cupboard under the Stairs.**_

_**4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey**_

"HOGWARTS!!"

"Okay Sirius we get it!"

**The envelope was thick and heavy, made of yellowish parchment, and the address was written in emerald-green ink.** **There was no stamp.**

James rolled his eyes, "It's delivered by owl, there is no need for stamps!"

**Turning the envelope over, his hand trembling, Harry saw a purple wax seal bearing a coat of arms; a lion, an eagle, a badger and a snake surrounding a large letter 'H'.**

"Hogwarts!!" SLAP!!

"Lily! You're ruining me perfect face! The ladies will hate you for ruining this masterpiece!" SLAP!!

"What was that for?"

"For being a vain idiot!!"

**"Hurry up, boy!" shouted Uncle Vernon from the kitchen. "What are you doing, checking for letter-bombs?" He chuckled at his own joke.**

"Newsflash: You ain't funny!"

**Harry went back to the kitchen, still staring at his letter.** **He handed Uncle Vernon the bill and the postcard, sat down and slowly began to open the yellow envelope.**

**Uncle Vernon ripped open the bill, snorted in disgust and flipped over the postcard**

**"Marge's ill," he informed Aunt Petunia. "Ate a funny whelk ..."**

"Whelk?"

**"Dad!" said Dudley suddenly. "Dad, Harry's got something!"**

"IT AIN'T ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS DUDLEY!!HARRY WILL GO TO HOGWARTS!!"

**Harry was on the point of unfolding his letter,** **which was written on the same heavy parchment as the envelope, when it was jerked sharply out of his hand by Uncle Vernon.**

"NOOOO!!"

"**That's **_**mine**_**!" said Harry, trying to snatch it back.**

"YEAH HARRY!! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!"

**"Who'd be writing to you?" sneered Uncle Vernon,**

Sirius growled menacingly.

**shaking the letter open with one hand and glancing at it.** **His face went from red to green faster than a set of traffic lights.**

"Hi! Hi!"

"Sirius you are such a girl."

**And it didn't stop there.** **Within seconds it was the greyish white of old porridge.**

**"P-P-Petunia!" he gasped. **

"HE DOESN'T WANT HARRY TO GO TO HOGWARTS!!"

"THAT BASTARD!!"

**Dudley tried to grab the letter to read it,**

"Spoilt brat! It's none of his business!"

**but Uncle Vernon held it high out of his reach.**

"HA!"

**Aunt Petunia took it curiously and read the first line. For a moment it looked as though she might faint.** **She clutched her throat and made a choking noise.**

"Because she swallowed Dudley's pokey stick and was now dying!"

"SIRIUS!"

**" Vernon. Oh my goodness - Vernon!"**

**They stared at each other, seeming to have forgotten that Harry and Dudley were still in the room. Dudley wasn't used to being ignored. He gave his father a sharp tap on the head with his Smeltings stick.**

"Oh well, I can dream."

**"I want to read that letter," he said loudly.**

"Oh fuck off Dudley."

**"**_**I**_** want to read it," said Harry furiously, "as it's **_**mine.**_**"**

"Now Harry on the other hand has a good reason to read the letter."

**"Get out, both of you," croaked Uncle Vernon, stuffing the letter back inside its envelope.**

**Harry didn't move. **

"YEAH HARRY STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!! WHOOWHOO!!"

**"I WANT MY LETTER!" he shouted.**

"Hey he kinda reminds me of Lily when we stole her Charms Homework." Unknown to anyone Lily froze in her seat.

**"Let **_**me**_** see it!" demanded Dudley.**

"No comprendo? I said FUCK OFF"

**"OUT!" roared Uncle Vernon, and he took both Harry and Dudley by the scruffs of their necks and threw them into the hall,** **slamming the kitchen door behind them.**

"CHILD ABUSE!! I'LL GET YOU DURSLEY!!"

**Harry and Dudley promptly had a furious but silent fight over who would listen at the keyhole;**

"I hope Harry wins."

**Dudley won,**

"Dang it!!"

**so Harry, his glasses dangling from one ear, lay flat on his stomach to listen at the crack between the door and the floor.**

"Wouldn't you hear more in that position?"

"Yeah but it's uncomfortable."

**"Vernon," Aunt Petunia was saying in a quivering voice, "look at the address - how could they possibly know where he sleeps?** **You don't think they're watching the house?"**

"Of course they're watching the house. How else would they know?!"

**"Watching - spying - might be following us," muttered Uncle Vernon wildly.**

"How paranoid can you get?"

**"But what should we do, Vernon? Should we write back? Tell them we don't want-"**

"Yeah, that'll work."

**Harry could see Uncle Vernon's shiny shoes pacing up and down the kitchen.**

**"No," he said finally. "No, we'll ignore it. If they don't get an answer ... yes, that's best ... we won't do anything ..."**

"Not going to work."

**But -"**

**"I'm not having one in the house, Petunia! Didn't we swear when we took him in we'd stamp out all that dangerous nonsense?"**

James growled.

**That evening when he got back from work, Uncle Vernon did something he'd never done before; he visited Harry in his cupboard.**

"Wow, what an achievement."

**"Where's my letter?" said Harry, the moment Uncle Vernon had squeezed through the door.** **"Who's writing to me?"**

"HOGWARTS!!"

**"No one. It was addressed to you by mistake," **

"Yeah and I'm a convicted murderer!"

"For fuck's sake! It had Harry's cupboard on it!"

**said Uncle Vernon shortly.** **"I have burned it."**

**"It was **_**not**_** a mistake," said Harry angrily. "It had my cupboard on it."**

"…"

"That is really weird!"

**"SILENCE!" yelled Uncle Vernon, and a couple of spiders fell from the ceiling. He took a few deep breaths and then forced** **his face into a smile, which looked quite painful.**

All the guys smirked.

"**Er – yes, Harry – about this cupboard. Your aunt and I have been thinking...** **you're really getting a bit big for it …**

"No shit Sherlock."

**we think it might be nice if you moved into Dudley's second bedroom."**

"DUDLEY HAS TWO BEDROOMS AND MY KID LIVES IN A CUPBOARD!! WHERE IS THE JUSTICE?!"

**"Why?" said Harry.**

"Don't complain Harry, be grateful these arseholes are trying to make your life a bit better."

**"Don't ask questions!" snapped his uncle. "Take this stuff upstairs, now."**

**The Dursleys' house had four bedrooms: one for Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia, one for visitors (usually Uncle Vernon's sister, Marge),** **one where Dudley slept and one where Dudley kept all the toys and things that wouldn't fit into Dudley's first bedroom.**

"Fucking typical."

**It only took Harry one trip upstairs to move everything he owned from the cupboard into his room.** **He sat down on the bed and stared around him.** **Nearly everything in here was broken. The month-old cine-camera was lying on top of a small, working tank Dudley had once driven over next door's dog;**

Sirius howled in anger.

**in the corner was Dudley's first-ever television set, which he'd put his foot through when his favourite programme had been cancelled;**

"Can you say brat?"

"Yeah brat."

"OH MY GOD!"

**there was a large birdcage which had once held a parrot that Dudley had swapped at school for a real air-rifle,**

"WHAT THE FUCK? HE COULD HAVE HURT HARRY!!"

**which was up on a shelf with the end all bent because Dudley had sat on it.**

"Somehow I don't find that hard to believe."

**Other shelves were full of books.**

"Dudley reads?!"

"Has the world come to an end?"

**They were the only things in the room that looked as if they'd never been touched before.**

"Well that makes sense."

**From downstairs came the sound of Dudley bawling at his mother: "I don't **_**want**_** him in there ... I **_**need**_** that room ...**

"What the hell for?"

**make him get out ..."**

"NO WAY YOU BASTARD!!"

**Harry sighed and stretched out on the bed. Yesterday he'd have given anything to be up here. Today he'd rather be back in his cupboard with that letter than up here without it.**

"Don't worry about it Harry, Hogwarts doesn't give up _that_ easily."

**Next morning at breakfast, everyone was rather quiet. Dudley was in shock. He'd screamed, whacked his father with his Smeltings stick, been sick on purpose, **

"Isn't that what anorexic people do?"

"Maybe Dudley will become thinner."

"Yeah like that'll happen!"

**kicked his mother **

"If I had done that I would probably be dead."

**and thrown his tortoise through the greenhouse roof **

"YOU BASTARD!! YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT TO A POOR DEFENSELESS CREATURES!!"

"Lily calm down."

"NO I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! I WILL CALL THE RSPCA IN THE FUTURE!!"

**and he still didn't have his room back.**

"OH YEAH!!"

**Harry was thinking about this time yesterday and bitterly wishing he'd opened the letter in the hall. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia kept looking at each other darkly.**

"Don't worry Harry there will be more letters!"

**When the post arrived, Uncle Vernon, who seemed to be trying to be nice to Harry, made Dudley go and get it.**

"YEEESSS!!"

**They heard him banging things with his Smeltings stick all the way down the hall. Then he shouted, "There's another one! **_**Mr. H. Potter, The Smallest Bedroom, 4 Privet Drive-**_**"**

"HARRY GET IT!!"

**With a strangled cry, Uncle Vernon leapt from his seat and ran down the hall, Harry right behind him. Uncle Vernon had to wrestle Dudley to the ground to get the letter from him, which was made difficult by the fact that Harry had grabbed Uncle Vernon around the neck from behind.**

"GO PRONGSLET!!"

**After a minute of confused fighting, in which everyone got hit a lot by the Smeltings stick,** **Uncle Vernon straightened up, gasping for breath, with Harry's letter clutched in his hand**.

"NOOOO!!"

"**Go to your cupboard - I mean, your bedroom," he wheezed at Harry.** **" Dudley - go - just go."**

**Harry walked round and round his room. Someone knew he had moved out of his cupboard and they seemed to know he hadn't received his first letter. Surely that meant they'd try again?** **And this time he'd make sure they didn't fail. He had a plan.**

"Like a true Marauder." James said proudly.

**The repaired alarm clock rang at six o'clock the next morning. Harry turned it off quickly and dressed silently. He mustn't wake the Dursleys. He stole downstairs without turning on any of the lights.**

**He was going to wait for the postman on the corner of Privet Drive and get the letters for number four first.**

"But the letters are delivered by owls."

"Yeah but Harry doesn't know that."

**His heart hammered as he crept across the dark hall towards the front door-**

**"AAAAARRRGH!"**

**Harry leapt into the air - he'd trodden on something big and squashy on the doormat - something **_**alive**_**!**

"IT'S A DEAD BODY!! I KNEW PETUNIA WAS A SERIAL KILLER! NOOO HARRY!!"

**Lights clicked on upstairs and to his horror Harry realised that the big squashy something had been his uncle's face. **

"Petunia killed her husband? THAT EVIL PSYCHO BITCH!!"

**Uncle Vernon had been lying at the foot of the front door in a sleeping bag, clearly making sure that Harry didn't do exactly what he'd been trying to do.** **He shouted at Harry for about half an hour and then told him to go and make a cup of tea. **

"Oh well."

**Harry shuffled miserably off into the kitchen, and by the time he got back, the post had arrived, right into Uncle Vernon's lap. Harry could see three letters addressed in green ink.**

"HOGWARTS!!"

**"I want-" he began, but Uncle Vernon was tearing the letters into pieces before his eyes.**

"Harry should find the pieces and stick them back together."

**Uncle Vernon didn't go to work that day. He stayed at home and nailed up the letter-box.**

"Like that'll work!"

"**See," he explained to Aunt Petunia through a mouthful of nails, "if they can't deliver, they'll just give up."**

**"I'm not sure that'll work, Vernon."**

**"Oh, these people's minds work in strange ways, Petunia, they're not like you and me," said Uncle Vernon,** **trying to knock in a nail with the piece of fruit cake Aunt Petunia had just brought him.**

"I always knew he was insane."

"Who cares about that? Petunia's probably poisoned the fruit cake!!"

**On Friday, no fewer than twelve letters arrived for Harry. As they couldn't go through the letter-box they had been pushed under the door, slotted through the sides and a few even forced through the small window in the downstairs toilet.**

"Hogwarts never gives up!!"

**Uncle Vernon stayed at home again.** **After burning all the letters, he got out a hammer and nails and boarded up the cracks around the front and back doors so no one could go out. He hummed 'Tiptoe through the Tulips' as he worked, and jumped at small noises.**

"Probably scared of Petunia sneaking up on him to stab him!"

**On Saturday, things began to get out of hand. Twenty-four letters to Harry found their way into the house, rolled up and hidden inside each of the two dozen eggs** **that their very confused milkman had handed Aunt Petunia through the living-room window.** **While Uncle Vernon made furious telephone calls to the post office and the dairy trying to find someone to complain to, Aunt Petunia shredded the letters in her food mixer.**

"Why don't they just give up and give Harry the letter? I mean he'll be out of their skin for most of the year."

"Probably think that he'll come home and hex them all, I would."

**"Who on earth wants to talk to **_**you**_** this badly?" Dudley asked Harry in amazement.**

"HOGWARTS!!"

**On Sunday morning, Uncle Vernon sat down at the breakfast table looking tired and rather ill,** **but happy.**

**"No post on Sunday's," **

"Yeah but in the wizarding world the post comes every day."

**he reminded them happily as he spread marmalade on his newspapers,**

"Right."

"**no damn letters today -"**

"I have a feeling he spoke too soon."

**Something came whizzing down the kitchen chimney** **as he spoke and caught him sharply on the back of the head.** **Next moment, thirty or forty letters came pelting out of the fireplace like bullets. The Dursleys ducked, but Harry leapt into the air trying to catch one –**

"GO HARRY!!"

**"Out!OUT!" **

**Uncle Vernon seized Harry around the waist and threw him into the hall.**

"ARSEHOLE!!"

**When Aunt Petunia and Dudley had run out with their arms over their faces, Uncle Vernon slammed the door shut. They could hear the letters still streaming into the room, bouncing off the walls and floor.**

"Wow Hogwarts are rather eager aren't they?"

**"That does it," said Uncle Vernon, trying to speak calmly but pulling great tufts out of his moustache at the same time.** **"I want you all back here in five minutes, ready to leave. We're going away. Just pack some clothes. No arguments!"**

**He looked so dangerous with half his moustache missing that no one dared argue.**

"He probably looked damn hilarious!"

**Ten minutes later they had wrenched their way through the boarded-up doors** **and were in the car, speeding towards the motorway. Dudley was sniffling in the back seat; **

"Awww the big bully's cwying How sweet."

**his father had hit him round the head** **for holding them up while he tried to pack his television, video and computer in his sports bag.**

"Dude get a laptop, much smaller!"

**They drove. And they drove.** **Even Aunt Petunia didn't dare ask where they were going. Every now and then Uncle Vernon would take a sharp turning and drive in the opposite direction for a while.**

**"Shake 'em off ... shake 'em off," he would mutter whenever he did this.**

"He's lost it."

**They didn't stop to eat or drink all day.** **By nightfall Dudley was howling.** **He'd never had such a bad day in his life. He was hungry, he'd missed five television he'd wanted to see and he'd never gone so long without blowing up an alien on his computer.**

"He thinks his life's bad? He obviously hasn't met Lily from Dimension 2E. Homeless." She explained to the confused looks she was getting.

**Uncle Vernon stopped at last outside a gloomy-looking hotel on the outskirts of a big city. Dudley and Harry shared a room with twin beds and damp, musty sheets. Dudley snored but Harry stayed awake, sitting on the window-sill, staring down at the lights of passing cars and wondering...**

**They ate stale cornflakes and cold tinned tomatoes on toast for breakfast the next day.** **They had just finished when the owner of the hotel came over to their table.**

"'**Scuse me, but is one of you Mr. H. Potter? Only I got about an 'undred of these at the front desk."**

**She held up a letter so they could read the green ink address:**

_**Mr. H. Potter, **_

_**Room 17**_

_**Railview Hotel, **_

_**Cokeworth.**_

"HOGWARTS!!"

**Harry made a grab for the letter but Uncle Vernon knocked his hand out of the way. The woman stared.**

**"I'll take them," said Uncle Vernon quickly, standing up quickly and following her from the dining-room.**

**"Wouldn't it be better just to go home, dear?" Aunt Petunia suggested timidly, hours later, but Uncle Vernon didn't seem to hear her. Exactly what he was looking for, none of them knew. He drove them into the middle of a forest, got out, looked around, shook his head, got back in the car and off they went again.**

"What the hell is he doing?"

**The same thing happened in the middle of a ploughed field, halfway across a suspension bridge and at the top of a multi-storey car park.**

"**Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?" Dudley asked Aunt Petunia dully late that afternoon.** **Uncle Vernon had parked at the coast, locked them all inside the car and disappeared. **

"Weirdo."

**It started to rain. Great drops beat on the roof of the car. Dudley snivelled.**

**"It's Monday," he told his mother.** **"The Great Humberto's on tonight. I want to stay somewhere with a **_**television**_**."**

**Monday.** **This reminded Harry of something. If it **_**was**_** Monday -and you could usually count on Dudley to know the days of the week,** **because of television - then tomorrow, Tuesday, was Harry's eleventh birthday.**

"I KNEW HIS BIRTHDAY WOULD BE IN JULY!! WHOOWHO!!"

**Of course, his birthdays were never exactly fun -last year, the Dursleys had given him a coat-hanger and a pair of Uncle Vernon's old socks.**

"When I come in I'm going to buy him the best broom in the world!" Sirius promised angrily.

**Still, you weren't eleven every day.**

**Uncle Vernon was back and he was smiling.** **He was also carrying a long, thin package and didn't answer Aunt Petunia when she asked what he'd bought.**

"He's probably going to kill Petunia before she can kill him!"

**"Found the perfect place!" he said. "Come on! Everyone out!"It was very cold outside the car. Uncle Vernon was pointing at what looked like a large rock way out to sea. Perched on top of the rock was **

**the most miserable little shack you could imagine.** **One thing was certain, there was no television in there.**

"Poor Dudley…not!"

**"Storm forecast for tonight!" said Uncle Vernon gleefully, clapping his hands together. "And this gentleman's kindly agreed to lend us his boat!"**

**A toothless old man came ambling up to them, pointing, with a rather wicked grin, at an old rowing boat bobbing in the iron-grey water below them.**

"I hope the boat doesn't sink." Lily said anxiously.

**"I've already got us some rations," said Uncle Vernon, "so all aboard!"**

**It was freezing in the boat. Icy sea spray and rain crept down their necks and a chilly wind whipped their faces.** **After what seemed like hours they reached the rock, where Uncle Vernon, slipping and sliding, led the way to the broken-down house**.

Lily let out a quiet sigh of relief.

**The inside was horrible; it smelled strongly of seaweed, the wind whistled through the gaps in the wooden walls and the fire-place was damp and empty. There were only two rooms.**

**Uncle Vernon's rations turned out to be a packet of crisps each and four bananas.**

"Is that it? Harry barely gets enough to eat anyway! THOSE BASTARDS!!"

**He tried to start a fire but the empty crisp packets just smoked and shrivelled up.**

"**Could do with some of those letters now eh?" he said cheerfully.**

"Don't worry Hogwarts won't give up!"

**He was in a very good mood. Obviously he thought nobody stood a chance of reaching them here in a storm to deliver post.** **Harry privately agreed, though the thought didn't cheer him up at all.**

"He obviously doesn't know much about wizards does he?"

**As night fell, the promised storm blew up around them. Spray from the high waves splattered the walls of the hut and a fierce wind rattled the filthy windows.** **Aunt Petunia found a few mouldy blankets in the second room and made up a bed for Dudley on the moth-eaten sofa.**

"What about Harry?" James growled.

**She and Uncle Vernon went off to the lumpy bed next door** **and Harry was left to find the softest bit of floor he could find and to curl up under the thinnest, most ragged blanket.**

James growled louder.

**The storm raged more and more ferociously as the night went on. Harry couldn't sleep. He shivered and turned over, trying to get comfortable, his stomach rumbling with hunger.** **Dudley's snores were drowned by the low rolls of thunder that started near midnight.** **The lighted dial of Dudley's watch, which was dangling over the edge of the sofa on his fat wrist, told Harry he'd be eleven in ten minutes' time.** **He lay and watched his birthday tick nearer, wondering if the Dursleys would remember at all,** **wondering where the letter-writer was now.**

"Probably near by."

**Five minutes to go. Harry heard something creak outside.** **He hoped the roof wasn't going to fall in,** **although it might be warmer if it did. **

James growled, "Don't worry James, this book has many more chapters left, they can't kill him off so soon."

**Four minutes to go. Maybe the house in Privet Drive would be so full of letters when they got back that he'd be able to steal one somehow.**

"He probably could slip one away."

**Three minutes to go. Was that the sea, slapping hard on the rock like that****? ****And (two minutes to go) what was that funny crunching noise?** **Was the rock crumbling into the sea?**

"It better not be!"

**One minute to go and he'd be eleven. Thirty seconds ... twenty seconds ... ten - nine - maybe he'd wake Dudley up, just to annoy him **- **three - two - one –**

**BOOM.**

"NOOO!! PETUNIA HAS SET OFF A BOMB TO KILL THEM ALL!!"

**The whole shack shivered and Harry sat bolt upright, staring at the door. Someone was outside, knocking to come in.**

Sirius closed the book, much to the other's disappointment. "Remus we should work on our list." Lily muttered something incoherently and left the room not noticing that she had dropped a small sheet of paper. James picked it up and stuffed it into his pockets before the others noticed.

**

* * *

******

What We've Learned So Far (Chapter 3)

Petunia is a psycho murderer!

Sirius has gone crazy.

Hogwarts are trying really hard for Harry to get his letter

An axe murderer is knocking on the shack door to kill Harry.

The Dursleys have upgraded Harry's sleeping area.

Vernon has gone crazy.

Lily is seriously protective of animals.

Mrs Figg is no longer cat obsessed!

Mrs Figg gave Harry 30 year old cake!!

Lily has no respect for the masterpiece that is my face.

LILY STOLE MY MOISTURISER DIDN'T SHE?! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!!

Sirius has definitely lost it.

* * *

James rolled his eyes at the list, and went to his room to read the paper in private. Once he was alone he locked the door and unfolded the sheet of parchment.

_Dear Freak_

_I thought you ought to know that your kind murdered our parents and it's all your fault!! Vernon and I are getting married, don't bother coming Vernie kins doesn't want a freak like you around!!_

_Oh and by the way I've changed my name from Marigold to Petunia. _

_I hope you die._

_Petunia Evans-Dursley _

**

* * *

**

JRK: And the truth is revealed!!

**Steph: Poor Lily, I better go cheer her up. **_Goes into portal_

**Tom: I wonder how James is going to react, **

**JRK: Hey will you hug my reviewers? Pretty please with sugar on top. **_Gives puppy dog eyes_

**Tom: **_loud sigh _**Fine!**

**JRK: Damn I forgot the people in the last chapter!!**

Chapter 2 reviewers

**0Rosina0:** I think I sent you a message to clear all that up. Thx for reviewing! HugX1

**nightwing27:** I'm glad you think so. I hope this chapter is just as funny! HugX1

**buttonbit:** I try to make Lily an animagus in as many stories as possible because I like thinking of different things she could be! HugX1

**TimeWitch15:** Well the letter James found should pretty much tell James everything, man Lily's going to be pissed when she finds out he read the letter!! HugX1

Chapter 3 reviewers

**Shadow Priesstes:** Yeah that'll probably have an interesting reaction! The reaction to Harry's "gift" was one of my favourite parts of that chapter! HugX1

**WhyDoesAWebsiteNeedMyName:** I really wanted to get in soon so James is probably going to talk to Lily soon about the letter. HugX1

**nightwing27:** I think it's clear she didn't tell them by choice! LOL!! HugX1

**Phnx:** Remus knows cause he read the letter, James has just read the letter and Lily's the one the letter was addressed to, so it's just Sirius who doesn't know. I have a really random scene planned for his reaction when he founds out they all knew and didn't tell him!! HugX1

**Gryffindor for eva':** TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND CALM THE HECK DOWN! YOU SHOULDN'T BE SUICIDAL! LOL! HugX1


	5. The Keeper of the Keys

**Uncovering the Future**

**Disclaimer/BTW:**

**JRK: I'm back!!!!! Did ya miss me!!!**

**Tom: Sorry about the wait!**

**JRK: I'm tired!!! Well on with da story! Sorry about everthing being centre but it won't change!**

**The Keeper of the Keys**

James ran after Lily, he stopped outside her door to hear quiet sobbing. "Lily?"

"What!"

"Lily you dropped your letter."

"Oh yeah!!! Congradulations!!!! You must be thrilled that I'm gonna marry you!!" She flung open the door, "Are you happy now? You've won!!! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!" She slammed the door open but James managed to stick his foot in front of the door.

"Lily, please, I just want to talk!" But she had collapsed to the floor in tears; James kneeled down and put his arms around her letting her cry into his shirt. After several minutes she pulled away and wiped her tears.

"Thanks James."

"It's okay. You want to go back now?"

"Kay" They both walked side by side into the library, Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Finally! We were just about to start without you!" Remus grabbed the book and began to read:

**BOOM!** **They knocked again. Dudley jerked awake.**

**"Where's the canon?" he said stupidly.**

"That's not difficult, he IS stupid!"

"I mean seriously? A cannon?!"

"Someone say my name?"

"Sirius that is so old!"

**There was a crash behind them and Uncle Vernon came skidding into the room. He was holding a rifle in his hands**

"Lily, what's a rifle?"

"It's a gun."

"Lily, what's a gun?"

"It's a thing Muggles use to kill each other."

"OHHH!!!!"

**- now they knew what had been in the long, thin package he had brought with them.**

"Does he really think he can kill wizards with a gum?"

"It's a gun, not a gum"

**"Who's there?" he shouted. "I warn you - I'm armed!"**

"That's silly! Of course he has arms!"

"Why do I even bother?"

**There was a pause. Then -**

**SMASH!**

"Dursley was cut into shreds by a giant unicorn!"

"SIRIUS!!!!"

**The door was hit with such force that it swung clean off its hinges and with a deafening crash landed flat on the floor.**

"GET AWAY FROM PRONGSLET AXE-MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**A giant of a man was standing in the doorway.** **His face was almost completely hidden by a long, shaggy mane** **of hair and a wild tangled beard, but you could make out his eyes, glinting like black beetles under all the hair. **

**The giant **

"Hagrid!" They all cheered

"I'll be right next time!"

"Whatever Sirius!"

**squeezed his way into the hut, stooping so that his head just brushed the ceiling. He bent down, picked up the door and fitted it easily back into its frame. The noise of the storm outside dropped a little. He turned to look at them all.**

**"Couldn't make a cup o' tea could yeh? It's not been an easy journey ..."]**

"GIVE HIM THE FUCKING LETTER"

"I kinda agree with Sirius it has been long enough."

**He strode over to the sofa where Dudley sat frozen with fear.**

**"Budge up, yeh great lump," **

"GO HAGRID!!!!!!!!!"

**said the stranger.**

"IT'S HAGRID! HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO TELL YOU?!

"Um, Sirius, the book can't hear you!"

**Dudley squeaked and ran to hide behind his mother,** **who was crouching, terrified behind Uncle Vernon.**

"I can understand that Vernie can hide Petunia but Dudley? No way! HE'S HUGE!"

"I agree it's an impossible feat."

**"An' here's Harry!" said the giant.**

**Harry looked up into the fierce, wild, shadowy face and saw that the beetle eyes were crinkled in a smile.**

**"Las' time I saw you, you was only a baby," said the giant. "Yeh look a lot like yeh dad, but yeh've got yer mum's eyes."**

James squeezed Lily's hand reassuringly as she smiled at him.

**Uncle Vernon made a funny rasping noise.**

"PETUNIA DID POISON HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT LITTLE BITCH!!"

"For the love of Merlin, Petunia is NOT a serial killer!"

**"I demand that you leave at once, sir!" he said. "You are breaking and entering!"**

"Hey! That rhymes! Who knew that Dursley was a poet at heart!"

**"Ah, shut up, Dursley, yeh great prune," **

"You have got to love Hagrid and his awesome insults!"

"We'll get to use them as well, Sirius is writing them down!"

**said the giant.** **He reached over the back of the sofa, jerked the gun out of Uncle Vernon's hands, bent it into a knot as easily as if it had been made of rubber,**

"AWESOME!!!"

"Now Petunia can't steal the gun and go on a shooting spree! What a shame!"

"SIRIUS!"

**and threw it into a corner of the room.**

**Uncle Vernon made another funny noise, like a mouse being trodden on.**

"He he"

**"Anyway - Harry," said the giant, turning his back on the Dursleys, "a very happy birthday to yeh. Got summat fer yeh here **

"Aww, Hagrid got Harry a present! That's so SWEET!"

"WOMEN!"

"Lily, put the knife down and back away!"

"NEVER!!!! HE HAS INSULTED WOMEN!!!!!"

"He he"

"YOU SEXIST PIG!!!"

"Lily give me the knife and no one gets hurt!"

**- I mighta sat on it at some point,**

"Understandable."

"This is Hagrid after all!"

**but it'll taste all right."**

"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Sirius! Its had Hagrid's butt germs all over it!"

**From an inside pocket of his black overcoat he pulled a slightly squashed box. **

"Well he did sit on it!"

"At least the lid was on when he sat on it!"

**Harry opened it with trembling fingers. Inside was a large, sticky chocolate cake with **_**Happy Birthday Harry**_** written on it in green icing.**

"Remind me to hug Hagrid when we go back to school!"

**Harry looked up at the giant. He meant to say thank you, but the words got lost on the way to his mouth,** **and what he said instead was, "Who are you?"**

"HARRY! Say thank you!!!"

"It's not his fault he was raised by such rude people!"

**The giant chuckled.**

**"True, I haven't introduced meself. Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts."**

**He held out an enormous hand and shook Harry's whole arm.**

**"What about that tea then, eh?" he said, rubbing his hands together. "I'd not say no ter summat stronger if yeh've got it, mind."**

"I thought Hagrid was getting off the booze!"

"Yeah! That's why me and James nicked it all!"

"What?"

"Umm. Nothing?"

**His eyes fell on the empty grate with the shrivelled crisp packets in it and he snorted. He bent down over the fireplace; they couldn't see what he was doing but when he drew back a second later, there was a roaring fire.**

"Wait, I thought Hagrid was expelled and his wand snapped in half!"

"He was!"

"Hmmm. This could be great blackmail!"

"WE ARE NOT BLACKMAILING HAGRID!!!"

"Who said 'we'?"

**It filled the whole damp hut with flickering light and Harry felt the warm rush over him as though he'd sunk into a hot bath.**

"It must have been freezing!!"

"Poor Harry!"

**The giant sat back down on the sofa, which sagged under his weight, and began taking all sorts of things out of the pockets of his coat: a copper kettle, a squashy packet of sausages, **

"Mmmm… sausages!"

**a poker, a teapot, several chipped mugs** **and a bottle of some amber liquid**

"Hagrid! Not in front of my eleven year old son!"

**which he took a swig from before starting to make tea.** **Soon the hut was full of the sound and smell of sizzling sausage.**

"Mmmm… sausages!"

**Nobody said a thing while the giant was working, but as he slid the first six fat, juicy, slightly burnt sausages **

"Mmmmm…sausages!"

"Will someone just get Sirius some sausages already? He's driving me crazy!"

**from the poker,** **Dudley fidgeted a little.** **Uncle Vernon said sharply, "Don't touch anything he gives you, Dudley."**

"As if you need any more fattening up!"

**The giant chuckled darkly. **

"**Yer great puddin' of a son **

"Did ya get that Sirius?"

"Yep!"

**don' need fattenin' any more, Dursley, don' worry."**

"Scaaaary!"

**He passed the sausages **

"Mmmm… sausages!" Lily stormed downstairs and grabbed a plate of sausages and slammed it into Sirius' face!

"LILY!!!"

**to Harry, who was so hungry he had never tasted anything so wonderful, but he still couldn't take his eyes off the giant.**

"Staring is rude Harry!!!!"

"We're gonna need to teach this kid some manners!"

"James your parentalness is kind of scary!"

**Finally, as nobody seemed about to explain anything, he said, "I'm sorry, but I still don't really know who you are."**

"He said his name was Hagrid! Maybe Dudley is wearing off on Harry!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! STAY OUT OF THE LIGHT HARRY!"

**The giant took a gulp of tea and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.**

**"Call me Hagrid," he said, "everyone does. An' like I told yeh, I'm Keeper of Keys at Hogwarts - yeh'll know all about Hogwarts, o' course.**

"Oh shit!"

**Er - no," said Harry.**

"To be honest Harry, maybe lying would have been better!"

"NO WAY! Hagrid will take our revenge on the Dursleys!"

"This is going to be good!"

**Hagrid looked shocked.**

**"Sorry," Harry said quickly.**

"It's THEM that ought to be sorry!"

**"**_**Sorry**_**?" barked Hagrid, turning to stare at the Dursleys, who shrank back into the shadows. "It's them as should be sorry! **

"Weeeeeiiiiirrrrd!"

"But completely TRUE!"

**I knew yeh weren't gettin' yer letters but I never thought yeh wouldn't even know abou' Hogwarts, fer cryin' out loud! Did yeh never wonder where yer parents learnt it all?"**

**"All what?" asked Harry.**

"Magic grasshopper!"

"What the hell was that Sirius?"

"I was trying to be wise!"

**"ALL WHAT?"** **Hagrid thundered. "Now wait jus' one second!"**

"uh oh! Volcano Hagrid is gonna BLOW!!!"

**He had leapt to his feet. In his anger he seemed to fill the whole hut. The Dursleys were cowering against the wall.**

"Everyone duck!"

"At least the Dursleys are gonna get punished for what they've done!"

**"Do you mean ter tell me," he growled at the Dursleys, "that this boy - this boy - knows nothing abou' - about ANYTHING?"**

"I wouldn't go that far! He'd know stuff like Maths and English and Science!"

**Harry thought this was going a bit far.** **He had been to school, after all, and his marks weren't bad.**

"NOT THAT BAD?!!! THEY SHOULD BE HIGH MARKS!!! HAVE YOU NOT INHERITED MY SMARTOSITY!!!"

"Smartosity? Seriously!"

"Yes?"

"Oh Merlin! It's not funny anymore!"

**"I know **_**some**_** things," he said. "I can, you know, do maths and stuff.**

"See!" Lily said proudly!

**But Hagrid simply waved his hand and said, "About our world, I mean. Your world. My world. **_**Yer parents' world**_**."**

"I didn't know we lived on a separate world! Did you Sirius!"

"No I didn't! Maybe we're ALIENS!!!!"

"AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**"What world?"**

"Exactly! What world?"

**Hagrid looked as if he was about to explode.**

"Well he is a volcano after all!!!"

"Hey how about when we go to school we start calling Hagrid something volcano like!"

"Oh yeah like 'lava bomb'!"

**"DURSLEY!" he boomed.**

"And now HE ERUPTS!"

**Uncle Vernon, who had gone very pale, whispered something that sounded like 'Mimblewimble'.**

"Shouldn't he be more worried about Hagrid and his imminent doom than a mimblewimble!"

**Hagrid stared wildly at Harry."But yeh must know about yer mum and dad," he said. "I mean, they're **_**famous**_**.**_** You're**_** famous."**

"Am I famous? I must be! I mean I'M GORGEOUS!" slap! "LILY!"

**"What? My - my mum and dad weren't famous, were they?"**

"**Yeh don' know ... yeh don' know ..." Hagrid ran his fingers through his hair, fixing Harry with a bewildered stare. Yeh don' know what yeh are?" he said finally.**

**Uncle Vernon suddenly found his voice.**

**"Stop!" he commanded. "Stop right there, sir! I forbid you to tell the boy anything!"**

"I don't think that's a very smart thing to say to an extremely pissed off Hagrid!"

**A braver man than Vernon Dursley would have quailed under the furious look Hagrid now gave him; when Hagrid spoke, his every syllable trembled with rage.**

"Ok NOW he erupts!"

**"You never told him? Never told him what was in the letter Dumbledore left fer him?** **I was there! I saw Dumbledore leave it, Dursley! An' you've kept it from him all these years?"**

**"Kept what from me?" said Harry eagerly.**

**STOP! I FORBID YOU!" yelled Uncle Vernon in panic.**

"Oh do shut up!"

**Aunt Petunia gave a gasp of horror. **

"Because it turned out that Vernon was really an undercover walrus who had discovered her murdering ways!"

"SIRIUS!"

"**Ah, go boil yer heads, both of yeh," said Hagrid.** **"Harry - yer a wizard."**

"FINALLY!"

"About bloody time!"

"It's been four chapters for crying out loud!"

**There was a silence inside the hut.** **Only the sea and the whistling wind could be heard.**

**"I'm a what?"**

"Harry! Are you deaf? He said you're a wizard!"

**"A wizard, o' course," said Hagrid, sitting back down on the sofa, which groaned and sank even lower, "an' a thumpin good'un I'd say, once yeh've been trained up a bit. With a mum an' dad like yours, what else would yeh be? **

"Please! With a Dad like James he probably end up accidentally flushing himself down a toilet!!!"

"THAT WAS ONE TIME!!!!"

**An' I reckon it's abou' time yeh read yer letter."**

"HOGWARTS!"

"I thought he had gotten over it!" Lily groaned.

**Harry stretched out his hand at last to take the yellowish envelope, addressed in emerald green**

"What is with the green?"

"Are they TRYING to make him a Slytherin?!"

"If he ends up in Slytherin I'm disowning him!"

"JAMES!"

**to Mr. H. Potter, The Floor, Hut-on-the-Rock, The Sea. **

"Ah but which sea?! I have finally proved you know nothing you stupid letter!"

**He pulled out the letter and read:**

**HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY**

**Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore**

**(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc Chr. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump,** **International Confed. of Wizards)**

"Is it just me or has Dumbledore's list of achievements gotten bigger?"

**Dear Mr. Potter,**

**We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July.**

**Yours sincerely,**

**Minerva **

"I REFUSE TO CALL YOU MINERVA YOUR NAME IS MINNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Didn't she turn you into a hippo when you called her that in class?"

"Good times!"

**McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress**

**Questions exploded inside Harry's head like fireworks** **and he couldn't decide which to ask first. After a few minutes he stammered, "What does it mean, they await my owl?"**

"**Gallopin' Gorgons, **

"he he! Can Gorgons even gallop?"

**that reminds me," said Hagrid, clapping a hand to his forehead with enough force to knock over a cart horse, and from yet another pocket inside his overcoat he pulled out an owl -** **a real, live, rather ruffled-looking owl**

"RSPCA!!!!!!!!!"

**a long quill and a roll of parchment. With his tongue between his teeth he scribbled a note which Harry could read upside down:**

_**Dear Mr. Dumbledore  
Given Harry his letter. Taking him to buy his things tomorrow. Weather's horrible. Hope you're well.  
Hagrid.**_

**Hagrid rolled up the note, gave it to the owl, which clamped it in its beak, went to the door and threw the owl out into the storm.**

"RSPCA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**Then he came back and sat down as though this was normal as talking on the telephone.**

**Harry realized his mouth was open and closed it quickly.**

**"Where was I?" said Hagrid, but at that moment, Uncle Vernon, still ashen-faced but looking very angry, moved into the firelight.**

"oooooohh!!! Scaaaaaarryyyy!"

**"He's not going," he said.**

"Yes he bloody will!!!"

"I'd like to see you stop him!"

**Hagrid grunted.**

**"I'd like ter see a great Muggle like you stop him," he said.**

"We've really got to stop doing this!"

"**A what?" said Harry, interested.**

**"A Muggle," said Hagrid. "It's what we call non-magic folk like them. An' it's your bad luck you grew up in a family o' the biggest Muggles I ever laid eyes on."**

"Completely agree with you!"

**"We swore when we took him in we'd put a stop to that rubbish," said Uncle Vernon, "swore we'd stamp it out of him! **

"You can't stamp out magic!!!!!"

**Wizard, indeed!"**

**"You knew?" said Harry. "You knew I'm a - a wizard?"**

"What d'you expect? Your Aunt must have known that you would probably become a wizard!"

**"Knew!" shrieked Aunt Petunia suddenly."Knew! Of course we knew! How could you not be, my dratted sister being what she was?**

"HEY THAT'S MY FUTURE WIFE YOUR TALKING ABOUT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**Oh, she got a letter just like that and disappeared off to that - that school - and came home every holiday with her pockets full of frog-spawn** **turning teacups into rats.**

"Dude, I can't wait to meet your wife! She sounds AWESOME!"

**I was the only one who saw her for what she was **

"The most amazing beautiful person in the entire universe?"

**- a freak!**

"OH NO SHE DIDN'T!!!!"

"Sirius? Have you lost it?!"

**But for my mother and father, oh no, it was Lily this and Lily that, they were proud of having a witch in the family!"**

Lily burst into tears at the mention of her parents James gently wrapped his arms around her, rocking her soothingly. Sirius looked on confused before continuing.

**She stopped to draw a deep breath and then went ranting on. It seemed like she had been wanting to say all this for years.**

**"Then she met that Potter at school**

"So the future wife definitely went to Hogwarts, good to know!"

**and they left and got married and had you,** **and of course I knew you'd be the same, just as strange, just as - as abnormal** **- and then, if you please, she went and got herself blown up**

"I thought she died in a 'car crash'?"

**and we got landed with you!"**

**Harry had gone very white.** **As soon as he found his voice he said, "Blown up? You told me they died in a car crash!"**

"SEE!"

**"CAR CRASH!" roared Hagrid,** **jumping so angrily that the Dursleys scuttled back to their corner. "How could a car crash kill Lily an' James Potter?**

"Exactly!!!!"

**It's an outrage! A scandal! Harry Potter not knowin' his own story when every kid in our world knows his name!"**

**"But why? What happened?" Harry asked urgently.**

**The anger faded from Hagrid's face. He looked suddenly anxious.**

**"I never expected this," he said in a low, worried voice. "I had no idea, when Dumbledore told me there might be trouble gettin' hold of yeh, how much yeh didn't know. Ah, Harry, I don' know if I'm the right person ter tell yeh - but someone's gotta - yeh can't go off ter Hogwarts not knowin"**

**He threw a dirty look at the Dursleys.**

"Asses!"

"**Well, it's best yeh know as much as I can tell yeh - mind, I can't tell yeh everythin', it's a great myst'ry, parts of it ..."**

**He sat down, stared into the fire for a few seconds and then said, "It begins, I suppose, with - with a person called - but it's incredible yeh don't know his name, everyone in our world knows -"**

"Voldie!"

"**Who?"**

"Voldie!"

**"Well - I don' like sayin' the name if I can help it. No one does."**

"V-O-L-D-E-M-O-R-T!!!!"

**"Why not?"**

"Because they're dumbasses!"

**"Gulpin' gargoyles, **

"he he!"

**Harry, people are still scared.** **Blimey, this is difficult. See, there was this wizard who went ... bad.** **As bad as you could go. Worse. Worse than worse. His name was ..."**

"VOLDIE!!!"

**Hagrid gulped, but no words came out.**

**"Could you write it down?" Harry suggested.**

**"Nah - can't spell it.**

"V-O-L-D-E-M-O-R-T!!!!"

"I'm too depressed to slap you!"

**All right - Voldemort."**

"OMG HAGRID SAID IT!!!!"

**Hagrid shuddered. "Don' make me say it again. Anyway, this - this wizard, **

"Voldie!"

"I might slap you instead of Lily!"

**about twenty years ago now, started lookin' fer followers. Got 'em, too - some were afraid, some just wanted a bit o' his power, 'cause he was gettin' himself power, all right. Dark days, Harry. Didn't know who ter trust, didn't dare get friendly with strange wizards or witches ... Terrible things happened. He was takin' over. 'Course, some stood up to him - an' he killed 'em. Horribly. One o' the only safe places left was Hogwarts. Reckon Dumbledore's the only one You-Know-Who was afraid of.** **Didn't dare try takin' the school, not jus' then, anyway.**

**"Now, yer mum an' dad were as good a witch an' wizard as I ever knew.** **Head Boy an' Girl at Hogwarts in their day**!

"Wait isn't Lily Head Girl?"

"Not now Sirius!"

"Wait I thought Lily's sister was called Marigold!"

"She changed her name."

"THEN YOUR…OMFG WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THIS!!!!!"

"It's not really the time Sirius!!!"

"How could you keep this from me? I'm surprised your not screaming it out to the world like when you heard that rumour that Lily had the hots for you!!!"

"SIRIUS! SHUT UP!!!!!!"

**Suppose the myst'ry is why You-Know-Who never tried to get 'em on his side before ...**

"I'd rather die!!"

"Ditto YOU KILLED MY PARENTS YOU FUCKTARD!!!!!!"

"OMG Lily I didn't know, I'm so sorry!"

"S'okay Sirius!"

**probably knew they were too close ter Dumbledore ter want anythin' ter do with the Dark Side. **

"Damn right!"

**Maybe he thought he could persuade 'em ... maybe he just wanted 'em outta the way. All anyone knows is, he turned up in the village where you was all living, on Halloween **

"We died on Halloween? Aww I LOVE halloweeen!!! Grrr!!! Another reason to hate Voldie!!! YOU SPOILT MY FAVOURITE DAY ASSHOLE!!!!"

**ten years ago. You was just a year old.**

"I only knew my son for a year!! That's so depressing!!!!"

**He came ter yer house an' - an' -"**

**Hagrid suddenly pulled out a very dirty, spotted handkerchief and blew his nose with the sound of a foghorn.**

"Nice to know Hagrid cares!"

**"Sorry," he said. "But it's that sad - knew yer mum an' dad, an' nicer people yeh couldn't find** **anyway – **

"I'm definitely giving him a hug later!"

**You-Know-Who killed 'em. An' then - an' this is the real myst'ry of the thing - he tried to kill you,** **too. Wanted ter make a clean job of it, I suppose, or maybe he just liked killin' by then.** **But he couldn't do it. **

"No shit! Harry came back to life!! I mean seriously dude!!!"

**Never wondered how you got that mark on yer forehead? That was no ordinary cut. That's what yeh get when a powerful, evil curse touches yeh -took care of yer mum an' dad an' yer house, even **

"WHY DESTROY MY HOUSE?!!!!"

**- but it didn't work on you, an' that's why yer famous, Harry.** **No one ever lived after he decided to kill 'em, no one except you, an' he'd killed some o' the best witches an' wizards of the age - the McKinnons,**

"DAMNIT! That girl was hot!!"

**the Bones**

"So was she!!!"

**the Prewetts**

"Why is Voldie killing off all the hot girls?!!!"

**- an' you was only a baby an' you lived."**

**Something very painful was going on inside Harry's mind.** **As Hagrid's story came to a close, he saw again the blinding flash of green light, more clearly than he had ever remembered it before - and he remembered something else, for the first time in his life - a high, cold, cruel, laugh.**

"Fuck you Voldemort!"

**Hagrid was watching him sadly.**

**"Took yer from the ruined House myself, on Dumbledore's orders. Brought yeh ter this lot ..."**

"Really wish you hadn't!"

**"Load of old tosh," said Uncle Vernon.** **Harry jumped; he had almost forgotten that the Dursleys were there. Uncle Vernon certainly seemed to have got back his courage. **

"It keeps coming in short flashes!"

**He was glaring at Hagrid and his fists were clenched.**

**"Now you listen here, boy," he snarled. "I accept there's something strange about you, probably nothing a good beating wouldn't have cured **

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!!!!"

"LILY!! Put down the knife!!!"

"Yeah, we can use it later once we find your dumbass sister!"

**and as for all this about your parents, well, they were weirdoes, **

"Can't disagree really!"

"SIRIUS!!"

**no denying it,** **and the world's better off without them in my opinion **

"I'm going to have lots of fun killing these people!!!"

**asked for all they got, getting mixed up with all these wizarding types - just what I expected, always knew they'd come to a sticky end - "**

"Not if I have anything to say about it!!!!"

**But at that moment, Hagrid leapt up from the sofa and drew **

"A sword?"

**a battered pink umbrella **

"Hagrid really needs more style!"

**from inside his coat.** **Pointing this at Uncle Vernon like a sword, **

"I guess I was almost right!"

**he said, "I'm warning you, Dursley - I'm warning you - one more word ..."**

**In danger of being speared on the end of an umbrella by a bearded giant, **

"he he!!"

**Uncle Vernon's courage failed again; **

"And the flash ends!!!!"

**he flattened himself against the wall and fell silent.**

**"That's better," said Hagrid breathing heavily and sitting back down on the sofa, which this time sagged right down to the floor.**

**Harry, meanwhile, still had questions to ask, hundreds of them.**

**"But what happened to Vol- sorry - I mean, You-Know-Who?"**

"NO HARRY YOU MUST SAY THE NAME!!! SAY IT WITH ME: V-O-L-D-I-E!!!"

**"Good question, Harry. Disappeared. Vanished. Same night he tried ter kill you. Makes yeh even more famous. That's the biggest myst'ry, see ... he was gettin' more an' more powerful - why'd he go? **

"Cuz he realized no one liked him and went home to cry!"

**Some say he died.** **Codswallop, **

"he he!!"

**in my opinion. Dunno if he had enough human left in him to die.** **Some say he's still out there, bidin' his time, like, but I don' believe it. People who were on his side came back ter ours. Some of 'em came outta kinda trances. Don' reckon they ** **could've done if he was comin' back.**

"Do you really think he's gone?"

"I dunno!"

**Most of us reckon he's still out there somewhere but lost his powers. **

"That would bemore likely!"

**Too weak to carry on.** **'Cause somethin' about you finished him, Harry. There was somethin' goin' on that night he hadn't counted on - I dunno what it was, no one does - but somethin' about you stumped him, all right."**

"Oh yeah like the power of true love!!!"

"Be serious Sirius!"

"I am!"

"Groan!"

**Hagrid looked at Harry with warmth and respect blazing in his eyes, but Harry, instead of feeling pleased and proud, felt quite sure there had been a horrible mistake.** **A wizard? Him? How could he possibly be? He'd spent his life being clouted by Dudley **

"Evil fucker!"

**and bullied by Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon;**

"Make that plural!!!"

**if he was really a wizard, why hadn't they been turned into warty toads every time they'd tried to lock him in his cupboard?** **If he'd once defeated the greatest sorcerer in the world, how come Dudley had always been able to kick him around like a football?**

"Cuz you don't have a wand!!!"

**"Hagrid," he said quietly, "I think you must have made a mistake. I don't think I can be a wizard."**

**To his surprise, Hagrid chuckled. **

**"Not a wizard, eh? Never made things happen when you were scared or angry?"**

**Harry looked into the fire. Now he came to think about it ... every odd thing that had ever happened when he, Harry, had been upset or angry ... chased by Dudley's gang, he had somehow found himself out of their reach ...** **dreading going to school with that ridiculous haircut, he'd managed to make it grow back ...** **And the very last time Dudley had hit him, hadn't he got his revenge, without even realizing he was doing it? Hadn't he set a boa constrictor on him?**

"PARSELTONGUE!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

"You have to admit the boa thing was pretty sweet!!"

"Yeah!"

**Harry looked back at Hagrid, smiling, and saw that Hagrid was positively beaming at him.**

**"See?" said Hagrid. "Harry Potter, not a wizard - you wait, you'll be right famous at Hogwarts."**

**But Uncle Vernon wasn't going to give in without a fight. **

"Oh great another flash of rare courage!"

**"Haven't I told you he's not going?" he hissed. "He's going to Stonewall High **

"Where he'll look like an elephant!! Don't think I've forgotten about his sorry excuse of a uniform!!!!"

**and he'll be grateful for it. I've read those letters and he needs all sorts of rubbish - spell books and wands and - "**

"**If he wants ter go, a great Muggle like you won't stop him," growled Hagrid. "Stop Lily an' James Potter's son goin' ter Hogwarts! Yer mad. His name's been down ever since he was born. He's off ter the finest school of witchcraft and wizardry in the world. Seven years there and he won't know himself. He'll be with youngsters of his own sort, fer a change, an' he'll be under the greatest Headmaster Hogwarts ever had, Albus Dumbled - "**

**"I AM NOT PAYING FOR SOME CRACKPOT OLD FOOL TO TEACH HIM MAGIC TRICKS!" yelled Uncle Vernon.**

"Oh shit!"

"You've done it now!!!"

"Volcano Hagrid is finally gonna erupt!!!"

**But he had finally gone too far. Hagrid seized his umbrella and whirled over his head.** **"NEVER -" he thundered, "- INSULT - ALBUS - DUMBLEDORE - IN - FRONT - OF - ME!"**

**He brought the umbrella swishing down through the air to point at Dudley.** **There was a flash of violet light, a sound like a firecracker, a sharp squeal and next second, **

"Dudley lay on the ground with his internal organs spilling out!"

"SIRIUS!!!"

**Dudley was dancing on the spot with his hands clasped over his fat bottom, howling in pain.** **When he turned his back on them, Harry saw a curly pig's tail poking through a hole in his trousers.**

"…"

"OMG THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!!"

"HAHAHAHAHHAAAAAA!!!!"

"I wanna marry Hagrid!!!"

"Too bad you're stuck with me!"

"Oh yeah."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

**Uncle Vernon roared. Pulling Aunt Petunia and Dudley into the other room, he cast one last terrified look at Hagrid and slammed the door behind them.**

"Good riddance to bad rubbish!!"

"Amen to that!"

**Hagrid looked down at his umbrella and stroked his beard.**

**"Shouldn'ta lost me temper," he said ruefully, "but it didn't work anyway. Meant ter turn him into a pig** **but I suppose he was so much like a pig anyway there wasn't much left ter do."**

"Have you got that Sirius!!"

"Damn right!!!!"

**He cast a sideways look at Harry under his bushy eyebrows.**

"I'm surprised he can see with those hedges!!"

"**Be grateful if yeh didn't mention that ter anyone at Hogwarts," he said. "I'm - er - not supposed ter do magic, strictly speakin'. I was allowed ter do a bit ter follow yeh an' get yer letters to yeh an' stuff - one o' the reasons I was so keen ter take on the job -"**

**"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.**

**"Oh, well - I was at Hogwarts meself but I - er - got expelled, **

"Thought so!"

**ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year.** **They snapped me wand in half an' everything. But Dumbledore let me stay on as gamekeeper. Great man, Dumbledore."**

**"Why were you expelled?"**

"He wouldn't tell us!!"

**"It's gettin' late and we've got lots ter do tomorrow," said Hagrid loudly.** **"Gotta get up ter town, get all yer books an' that."**

**He took off his thick black coat and threw it to Harry."You can kip under that, he said. "Don't' mind if it wriggles a bit, I think I still got a couple o' dormice in one o' the pockets."**

"Animal rights!!!!!"

"That's the end of the chappie!" Sirius said cheerfully, he scrunched up on of the lists, "Won't need this anymore now that we know Lily is James' future wife!"

"Are you guys going out yet?"

"My parents just died I DON'T THINK THIS IS THE TIME!!!!" Lily screamed and stormed out, probably to go talk to Mrs P.

"You guys seemed pretty cosy when you walked in!" Sirius remarked once she was gone.

"She was upset, I was trying to make her feel better!!"

"Whatever! I don't think we learned much this chapter so we'll combine what we learned today with what we'll get once Lily calms down and gets back in here."

"So what do we do till then?"

"Who's up for Scrabble?"

* * *

**JRK: And that concludes this chapter of Uncovering the Future!**

**Steph: We'll thank the reviewers and go to bed cuz I'm knackered!**

**Katanagirl16: **Sorry about the wait!!!

**callie258: **Thanks for reviewing

**moonray9: **I know about that but I thought it would be pretty weird if Petunia used to have a name like Marigold! Thx 4 reviewing!

**Aly-Cat101: **Thanks for reviewing!

**Merciless-the-insane-cancerian: **He he! I have COFFEE!!

**Ignore Harvery. Buster is evil.: **Thanks for reviewing…all of you?

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**Tracy-FromNewsround: **Thanks for reviewing!


	6. Diagon Alley

**Uncovering the Future: The Philosopher's Stone**

**Chapter 5: Diagon Alley**

* * *

Once Lily had calmed down she came back into the library and they all played Scrabble. Even though Lily joined in halfway through she still won even though Sirius insisted she cheated because most of the words she used were Muggle words!

"Alright next chapter! Diagon Alley!! Wooohhhh!!!! Harry's going shopping!" Sirius cried in triumph!

"Maybe he'll find that awesome broom shop!!!" James said excitedly! "He sounds like the perfect seeker!!" Lily rolled her eyes.

"He's only eleven!! He can't try out yet!!"

"Whatever, on with the story!" Sirius tossed the book to Remus.

**Harry woke early the next morning. Although he could tell it was daylight, he kept his eyes shut tight.**

"Why would he do that?"

**'It was a dream," **

"That Petunia slaughtered everyone in the house and left Harry so he would take the blame!"

"SIRIUS!!"

**he told himself firmly. 'I dreamt a giant called Hagrid came to tell me I was going to a school for wizards. When I open my eyes I'll be at home in my cupboard.'**

"No such luck kid!"

"You've joined the freak show like us!!" Slap! "Lily!!!"

"Don't insult my son!"

**There was suddenly a loud tapping noise.  
'And there's Aunt Petunia knocking on the door,' **

"Weren't all the Dursleys scared away?"

"Yeah, I would have thought they would have moved to Australia or something!"

**Harry thought, his heart sinking. **

**But he still hadn't opened his eyes. It had been such a good dream.**

"Wait till you meet Sirius! That'll be you worst NIGHTMARE!!"

"Hey!!! Lily defend me!!!"

"Why? I'm not marrying you!"

"Remy?"

"Call me Remy one more time…" Sirius backed away looking scared.

**Tap. Tap. Tap.**

**'All right,' Harry mumbled, 'I'm getting up.'**

"Another thing he inherited from James!" Sirius said sadly.

"What?" James asked puzzled.

"Unwillingness to get up! So if you ever want some in the morning Lily don't get your hopes up!" SLAP!!

"Moony!! Tell the lovebirds to stop hitting me!!"

"Why oh why do I hang around these people?"

**He sat up and Hagrid's heavy coat fell off him.** **The hut was full of sunlight, the storm was over, Hagrid himself was asleep on the collapsed sofa **

"Was the sofa collapsed before Hagrid sat on it or after?"

"Probably after!"

"JAMES!! That isn't very nice!! It may be true but it still isn't nice!!!"

**and there was an owl rapping its claw on the window, a newspaper held in its beak.**

"Those owls get so annoying!!"  
**  
Harry scrambled to his feet, so happy he felt as though a large balloon was swelling inside him.**

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! HARRY'S GOING TO BLOW UP!!!!!!!!" Slap!! "Remy save me from the couple from hell!"

"What do you expect? You keep saying there future son is going to die!!"

**He went straight to the window and jerked it open. The owl swooped in and dropped the newspaper on top of Hagrid, who didn't wake up. The owl then fluttered to the floor and began to attack Hagrid's coat.**

"One of those owls ruined my favourite dress!!!! AND he took two GALLEONS!!"

"Those birds are EVIL!!!"

"Then again most birds are. And not all of them have wings!"

"SIRIUS!!!"

**'Don't do that.'**

"Harry you're a parseltongue not a birdtongue!!"

"*sniff* don't remind me."

**Harry tried to wave the owl out of the way, but it snapped its beak fiercely at him and carried on savaging the coat.**

"I don't think Ella, my roommate's scars ever healed when she tried to save my dress!"

**'Hagrid!' said Harry loudly. 'There's an owl -'**

**'Pay him,' Hagrid grunted into the sofa.**

"How would Harry be able to hear Hagrid if he's talking to a pillow?"

**'What?'**

**'He wants payin' fer deliverin' the paper. Look in the pockets.'**

**Hagrid's coat seemed to be made of nothing but pockets - bunches of keys, slug pellets, balls of string, mint humbugs, **

"OMG!!" Sirius screamed, "I ate one of those!!!"

"That can't be hygienic!!"

**teabags ... finally, Harry pulled out a handful of strange-looking coins.**

**'Give him five Knuts,' said Hagrid sleepily.**

**'Knuts?'**

**'The little bronze ones.'**

**Harry counted five little bronze coins and the owl held out its leg so he could put the money into a small leather pouch tied to it. **

"Think of how much of our taxes our spent training these bloody things!!"

**Then it flew out through the open window.**

**Hagrid yawned loudly, sat up and stretched.**

'Best be off, Harry, lots ter do today, gotta get up ter London an' buy all yer stuff fer school.'

"Yay!!! Shopping!!!"

"I never labelled you as a girly girl Lils"

"All women like shopping and DON'T call me Lils!! Only my mum is allowed to call me that!!!"

"… sorry Lily"

**Harry was turning over the wizard coins and looking at them. He had just thought of something which made him feel as though the happy balloon inside him had got a puncture.**

"Maybe Harry won't blow up after all!!!"

"*sigh* Harry was never going to blow up, Sirius!!"

"… what?"

"Merlin don't sound so depressed Sirius!!! This is my son's life we're talking about!!!!"

**'Um - Hagrid?'**

**'Mm?' said Hagrid, who was pulling on his huge boots.**

"DAMN his feet are HUGE!!!"

**'I haven't got any money – **

"We must have left him something!!! I'm James POTTER for crying out loud!!!! My family is LOADED!!!!"

"Maybe you spent all the money!! Or Voldie stole it!!!

"DAMN YOU VOLDEMORT!!!!! Not only do you kill my wife and destroy my house but you steal my money!!!! YOU ASSHOLE!!!!"

**and you heard Uncle Vernon last night - he won't pay for me to go to learn magic.'**

"DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR ME?!! I'M LOADED!!!"

**'Don't worry about that,' said Hagrid, standing up and scratching his head. 'D'yeh think year parents didn't leave yeh anything?'**

"SEE HAGRID UNDERSTANDS!!

**'But if their house was destroyed -'**

"It's in the bloody bank!!!!"

**'They didn't keep their gold in the house, boy! **

"I agree that would never happen!!"

"I know I'm not that stupid!!"

"I don't know about you but I know for a fact Lily would never have allowed it!! No matter how many babies you gave her!!!" Slap!!! "Lily!!!"

**Nah, first stop fer us is Gringotts. Wizards' bank Have a sausage, **

"Mmmmm…. Sausages…"

"Oh jeez not again!"

"I already got him sausages!! It's your turn!!"

**they're not bad cold - an' I wouldn' say no teh a bit o' yer birthday cake, neither.'**

"Mmmm… cake…"

"Like I said YOUR TURN!!!!"

**'Wizards have **_**banks?"**_

"Duh!!! Just because we're from another world doesn't mean we don't have banks!!!"

**'Just the one. Gringotts. Run by goblins.'**

"Those guys creep me out!!"

"Ditto!!!"

**Harry dropped the bit of sausage **

"Mmmm… sausage!!!"

"I am going to slap you!!!"

**he was holding.**

**'**_**Goblins**_**?'**

**'Yeah - so yeh'd be mad ter try an' rob it, I'll tell yeh that. Never mess with goblins, Harry. Gringotts is the safest place in the world fer anything yeh want ter keep safe - 'cept maybe Hogwarts. **

"Please!! I lost my protractor in Hogwarts!!! It's not the best place to keep things safe!!!"

"You mean the blue circly thing with the glitter?"

"Yes- wait how did you know about that?"

"It's very simple! James had a stalkerish obsession with you so I stole it to give it to him as a birthday present!! You can have it back as a wedding present!"

**As a matter o' fact, gotta visit Gringotts anyway. Fer Dumbledore. Hogwarts business.' Hagrid drew himself up proudly. 'He usually gets me ter do important stuff fer him. Fetchin' you - gettin' things from Gringotts - knows he can trust me, see.'**

**'Got everythin'? Come on, then.'**

**Harry followed Hagrid out on to the rock. The sky was quite clear now and the sea gleamed in the sunlight. The boat Uncle Vernon had hired was still there, with a lot of water in the bottom after the storm.**

**'How did you get here?' Harry asked, looking around for another boat.**

**'Flew,' said Hagrid.**

"Oh good God can you imagine Hagrid on a broomstick?"

"What broomstick is strong enough?!"

**"**_**Flew**_**?"**

**'Yeah - but we'll go back in this. Not s'pposed ter use magic now I've got yeh.' **

**They settled down in the boat, Harry still staring at Hagrid, trying to imagine him flying.**

"Wait… no can't see it!!!"

**'Seems a shame ter row, though,' said Hagrid, giving Harry another of his sideways looks. 'If I was ter - er - speed things up a bit, would yeh mind not mentionin' it at Hogwarts?'**

**'Of course not,' said Harry, eager to see more magic. **

**Hagrid pulled out the pink **

"Hagrid!! Pink isn't a very manly colour!!!"

**umbrella again, tapped it twice on the side of the boat and they sped off towards land.**

"Is it like one of those 'speedboat things'?" James asked.

"Yes- wait, how did you know about?"

"Well you told us to take Muggle Studies so I watched some Muggle films!"

"Sirius, you should listen to James more often!!"

"But where would the fun in that be?"

**'Why would you be mad to try and rob Gringotts?' Harry asked.**

"Because the Goblins would catch you and rip out all your internal organs!!"

"SIRIUS!!!"

**'Spells - enchantments,' said Hagrid, unfolding his newspaper as he spoke. 'They say there are dragons **

"Didn't Hagrid tell us he wanted a dragon?"

"Oh yeah then we tried to steal one for him!"

"You what?"

"Umm… nothing Lily!"

"Man you have it baaaaaaddd!!!!"

**guardin' the high security vaults. **

**And then yeh gotta find yer way - Gringotts is hundreds of miles under London, see. Deep under the Underground. Yeh'd die of hunger tryin' ter get out, even if yeh did manage ter get yer hands on summat.'**

"But what if you found food!!!"

**Harry sat and thought about this while Hagrid read his newspaper, the Daily Prophet. Harry had learnt from Uncle Vernon that people like to be left alone while they did this, but it was very difficult, he'd never had so many questions in his life**

**'Ministry o' Magic messin' things up as usual,' **

"Nothing's changed then!"

**Hagrid muttered, turning the page.**

**'There's a Ministry of Magic?' **

"Yep the Wizarding Government!! Just as corrupt and without morals as the Muggle one!!!"

**Harry asked, before he could stop himself.**

**''Course,' said Hagrid. "They wanted Dumbledore fer Minister, o' course,** **but he'd never leave Hogwarts, so old Cornelius Fudge got the job. **

"Isn't he the suck-up who works for your Dad James?"

"Yeah, he's a right wanker!!"

**Bungler if ever there was one. So he pelts Dumbledore with owls every morning, askin' fer advice.'**

"He does that to my Dad every morning! Bloody annoying it is!!!"

"And they picked HIM as Minister? Alright when elections come up, I ,Sirius Orion Black, am running for Minister for magic!! I will provide what we really need!! Food, Fun and Fit birds!!!"

**'But what does a Ministry of Magic do?'  
'Well, their main job is to keep it from the Muggles that there's still witches an' wizards up an' down the country.'**

"Yeah I don't really see the point in that so I'll get rid of that when I'm Minister!!!"

"Padfoot, who would actually vote for you?!"

"You guys and all the women of the world who will be dazzled by my amazing wit, charm and good looks!"

"Let's not forget your incredible modesty!"

"Oh yeah!! Thanks Lily! I'll write that down!!"

'Why?'

**'Why? Blimey, Harry, everyone'd be wantin' magic solutions to their problems. Nah, we're best left alone.'**

**At this moment the boat bumped gently into the harbor wall. Hagrid folded up his newspaper and they clambered up the stone steps on to the street.**

**Passers-by stared a lot at Hagrid as they walked through the little town to the station. **

"Can you blame them? He's half giant for crying out loud!!!!"

**Harry couldn't blame them. **

"…"

**Not only was Hagrid twice as tall as anyone else, he kept pointing at perfectly ordinary things like parking meters and saying loudly, 'See that, Harry? Things these Muggles dream up, eh?'**

**'Hagrid,' said Harry panting a bit as he ran to keep up, 'did you say there are dragons at Gringotts?'**

**'Well, so they say,' said Hagrid. 'Crikey, I'd like a dragon.'**

"Told you so!"

**'You'd like one?'**

**'Wanted one ever since I was a kid - here we go.'**

"So a part giant wanted a dragon to play with… that's not strange at all!"

**They had reached the station. There was a train to London in five minutes' time. Hagrid, who didn't understand 'Muggle money', as he called it, gave the notes to Harry so he could buy their tickets.**

"Ah yes! The child paying for the grown up!! That must look very strange!"

**People stared more than ever on the train. Hagrid took up two seats and sat knitting what looked like a canary-yellow circus tent.**

"Oh yeah!!! Remember Hagrid told us he was volunteering to help Cirque de Magic!!!"

**'Still got yer letter, Harry?' he asked as he counted stitches. **

**Harry took the parchment envelope out of his pocket.**

**'Good,' said Hagrid. 'There's a list of everything yeh need.'**

"I remember that list it made me cry!!"

"Why?"

"*sniff* You'll see!!"

**Harry unfolded a second piece of paper he hadn't noticed the night before and read:**

_**HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY**_

_**Uniform**_

_**  
First-year students will require:**_

_**  
sets of plain work robes (black)  
plain pointed hat (black) for day wear  
pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)**_

"I wonder how Hagrid felt when he read that!!"_**  
winter cloak (black, silver fastenings)**_

_**  
Please note that all pupils' clothes should carry name tags**_

_**Set Books**_

_**  
All students should have a copy of each of the following:**_

_**  
The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1) by Miranda Goshawk  
A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot  
Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling  
A Beginners' Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch  
One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi by Phyllida Spore  
Magical Drafts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger  
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander  
The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection by Quentin Trimble**_

_**Other Equipment**_

_**  
1 wand  
1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)  
1 set glass or crystal phials  
1 telescope  
1 set brass scales**_

**Students may also bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad**

"Has anyone ever taken a _toad _to school? EVER!!!"

**PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST-YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS**

Suddenly without warning Sirius and James burst into tears, Lily glanced at the last sentence and rolled her eyes. "Men!!"

**'Can we buy all this in London?' Harry wondered aloud.**

**'If yeh know where to go,' said Hagrid.**

**Harry had never been to London before. Although Hagrid seemed to know where he was going, he was obviously not too used to getting there in an ordinary way. He got stuck in the ticket barrier on the Underground and complained loudly that the seats were too small and the trains too slow.**

**'I don't know how the Muggles manage without magic,' he said, as they climbed a broken-down escalator which led up to a bustling road lined with shops.**

**Hagrid was so huge that he parted the crowd easily; all Harry had to do was keep close behind him.**

**They passed book shops and music stores, hamburger**

"FOOD!!!!!"

"Does Sirius ever stop eating?"

"Not that I know of!"

**bars and cinemas, but nowhere that looked as if it could sell you a magic wand.**

**This was just an ordinary street full of ordinary people. Could there really be piles of wizard gold buried miles beneath them? Were there really shops that sold spell books and broomsticks?**

"Speaking of Broomsticks I wonder what kind of new models they have?"

"I bet that I'll be Prongs Junior his first broom!!" Sirius challenged!

"No way!!!! I will!!" Remus replied!!!

"You know it would be nice if I actually bought my SON his first broom!!!"

**Might this not all be some huge joke that the Dursleys had cooked up?**

"Please!! The Dursleys are not that smart!!!"

**If Harry hadn't known that the Dursleys had no sense of humor, he might have thought so; yet somehow, even though everything Hagrid had told him so far was unbelievable, Harry couldn't help trusting him.**

**'This is it,' said Hagrid, coming to a halt, 'the Leaky Cauldron. It's a famous place.'**

"In Hagrid's world it is!!!"

**It was a tiny, grubby-looking pub. If Hagrid hadn't pointed it out, Harry wouldn't have noticed it was there. The people hurrying by didn't glance at it. Their eyes slid from the big book shop on one side to the record shop on the other as if they couldn't see the Leaky Cauldron at all. In fact, Harry had the most peculiar feeling that only he and Hagrid could see it.**

"Yep!! Because of MAGIC!!!!" Suddenly Sirius began to sing "Do you believe in magic"!!!!

"PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!!"

**Before he could mention this, Hagrid had steered him inside.**

**For a famous place, it was very dark and shabby. A few old women were sitting in a corner, drinking tiny glasses of sherry. One of them was smoking a long pipe. A little man in a top hat was talking to the old barman, who was quite bald and looked like a gummy walnut.**

"he he we should tell Tom that!!!"

"Wait, Tom, the guy who graduated a few years ago but was so drunk he didn't turn up?!"

"Yep!! He was working in the Leaky Cauldron last I heard!!

**The low buzz of chatter stopped when they walked in. Everyone seemed to know Hagrid; they waved and smiled at him, and the barman reached for a glass, saying, 'The usual, Hagrid?'**

**'Can't, Tom, I'm on Hogwarts business,' said Hagrid, clapping his great hand on Harry's shoulder and making Harry's knees buckle.**

**'Good Lord,' said the barman, peering at Harry, 'is this - can this be -?'**

"OMG maybe he remembers the time James and I put a frog in his pants!!! And he's going to get revenge on Prongslet!!"

**The Leaky Cauldron had suddenly gone completely still and silent.**

"OMG EVERYBODY KNOWS!!! HARRY RUUUUUN!!!!!!" *SLAP*

'Bless my soul,' whispered the old barman. 'Harry Potter ...

"Oh no!!! Harry I am so sorry that your father is such an idiot!!!!"

"It was YOUR idea to stick a frog down his pants!!!"

**what an honor.'**

"You're right it was my idea!! He obviously sees the genius behind it!!!"

**He hurried out from behind the bar, rushed towards Harry and seized his hand, tears in his eyes.**

"Wow!!! He really missed us!!"

**'Welcome back, Mr. Potter, welcome back.'**

"When did Harry go?"

**Harry didn't know what to say. Everyone was looking at him. **

"Get used to it kid, with a handsome and amazing Godfather like me everyone will want to be your friend!!"

"As if!!"

"But James, you're my friend so it must have worked!!"

"Sirius, I'm your friend because I felt sorry for you because on the first day of school you had a mole the size of mount Fiji on you face!!"

"OH MY GOD!!! Really? Do you have a picture!!" Lily cried in excitement!

"I already put it up on WizFace!"

"Awesome!! I'll add you!!"

"*sniff* you guys are so mean to me!!!"

**The old woman with the pipe was puffing on it without realizing it had gone out. **

"Isn't that a bit stupid?"

**Hagrid was beaming. Then there was a great scraping of chairs and, next moment, Harry found himself shaking hands with everyone in the Leaky Cauldron.**

"Poor kid!"

"It must be hard, suddenly finding out you're famous!"

**'Doris Crockford, Mr. Potter, can't believe I'm meeting you at last.'**

**'So proud, Mr. Potter, I'm just so proud.'**

**'Always wanted to shake your hand - I'm all of a flutter.'**

"How can someone be 'a flutter'?"

**'Delighted, Mr. Potter, just can't tell you. Diggle's the name, Dedalus Diggle.'**

"Oh yeah! The wanker who was celebrating my and Lily's death!"

**'I've seen you before!' said Harry, as Dedalus Diggle's top hat fell off in his excitement. 'You bowed to me once in a shop.'**

"Creeeepppyyy!!!"

**'He remembers!' cried Dedalus Diggle, looking around at everyone. 'Did you hear that? He remembers me!'**

"Alright this is getting out of hand!!!"

"Poor prongslet!"

Harry shook hands again and again - Doris Crockford kept coming back for more.

"You don't think she has a crush on him?"

"No way!! She must be prehistoric!!!"

"Don't worry I'll make sure she stays away from Prongs Junior!!!"

"Thanks Sirius!"

**A pale young man made his way forward, very nervously. One of his eyes was twitching.**

"Guys, I have a very bad feeling about this guy!!!"

"What? Because he's twitching? Get real Padfoot!!!"

"I'm serious!!"

"Yes we know you are!!"

"No I mean, I really think this guy isn't a good guy!!!"

'Professor Quirrell!' said Hagrid. 'Harry, Professor Quirrell will be one of your teachers at Hogwarts.'

"Bad feeling just got worse!!"

**'P-P-Potter,' stammered Professor Quirrell, grasping Harry's hand, 'c-can't t-tell you how p-pleased I am to meet you.'**

"Why does he stutter so much?"

**'What sort of magic do you teach, Professor Quirrell?'**

**'D-Defence Against the D-D-Dark Arts,' **

"He must be joking!!!"

"Yeah! Someone that spineless couldn't teach my favourite lesson!!!"

"Dumbledore's lost it!! Why on Earth would he hire him?"

**muttered Professor Quirrell, as though he'd rather not think about it. **

**'N-not that you n-need it, eh, P-P-Potter?' he laughed nervously. 'You'll be g-getting all your equipment, I suppose? I've g-got to p-pick up a new b-book on vampires, m-myself.' He looked terrified at the very thought.**

"Why? Dumbledore why?!!!!"

**But the others wouldn't let Professor Quirrell keep Harry to himself. It took almost ten minutes to get away from them all. At last, Hagrid managed to make himself heard over the babble. 'Must get on - lots ter buy. Come on, Harry.'**

**Doris Crockford shook his hand one last time **

"Stay away from my son you creep!!!!"

**and Hagrid led them through the bar and out into a small, walled courtyard, where there was nothing but a dustbin and a few weeds.**

**Hagrid grinned at Harry.**

'Told yeh, didn't I? Told yeh you was famous. Even Professor Quirrell was tremblin' ter meet yeh - mind you, he's usually tremblin'.'

**'Is he always that nervous?'**

**'Oh, yeah, poor bloke. Brilliant mind. He was fine while he was studyin' outta books but then he took a year off ter get some first-hand experience... They say he met vampires in the Black Forest and there was a nasty bit o' trouble with a hag - never been the same since. Scared of the students, scared of his own subject**

"And he teaches DADA? P-a-t-h-e-t-i-c!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**- now, where's me umbrella?'**

"The handle is probably made out of his wand."

**Vampires? Hags? Harry's head was swimming.**

**Hagrid, meanwhile, was counting bricks in the wall above the dustbin. **

**'Three up... two across..." he muttered. "Right, stand back, Harry.'**

**He tapped the wall three times with the point of his umbrella.**

**The brick he had touched quivered - it wriggled - in the middle, a small hole appeared - it grew wider and wider - a second later they were facing an archway large enough even for Hagrid, **

"An impossible feat!!!"

**an archway on to a cobbled street which twisted and turned out of sight.**

**'Welcome," said Hagrid, "to Diagon Alley.'**

**He grinned at Harry's amazement. They stepped through the archway. Harry looked quickly over his shoulder and saw the archway shrink instantly back into solid wall.**

**The sun shone brightly on a stack of cauldrons outside the nearest shop. Cauldrons - All Sizes - Copper, Brass, Pewter, Silver - Self-Stirring - Collapsible said a sign hanging over them.**

**'Yeah, you'll be needin' one,' said Hagrid, 'but we gotta get yer money first.'**

**Harry wished he had about eight more eyes. **

"Ooooohhh!!!! I know the spell for that!!!!"

"Really!" Sirius asked, "Do it to me!!!!" ZAP! "…AWESOME!!!!!"

"Creeeeeeepppppyyyy!!!!"

**He turned his head in every direction as they walked up the street, trying to look at everything at once: the shops, the things outside them, the people doing their shopping. A plump woman outside an apothecary's was shaking her head as they passed, saying, 'Dragon liver, seventeen sickles an ounce, **

"WHAT THE HELL?!!!"

"Wow, prices have gone up!!!!"

**they're mad...'**

**A low, soft hooting came from a dark shop with a sign saying Eeylops Owl Emporium - Tawny, Screech, Barn, Brown and Snowy.**

**Several boys of about Harry's age had their noses pressed against a window with broomsticks**

"YES!!!! WE'RE FINALLY GOING TO FIND OUT ABOUT NEW BROOMS!!!!!!!!!"

**in it. 'Look,' Harry heard one of them say, 'the new Nimbus Two Thousand - fastest ever -'**

"Didn't they just come out with the Nimbus One Thousand?"

"Yeah, such a shame we can't get this new Nimbus!! We'd smoke Slytherin in the cup final!!!!"

**There were shops selling robes, shops selling telescopes and strange silver instruments Harry had never seen before, windows stacked with barrels of bat spleens and eels' eyes, **

"GROSS!!!"

**tottering piles of spell books, quills and rolls of parchment, potion bottles, globes of the moon ...**

**'Gringotts,' said Hagrid.**

They had reached a snowy-white building which towered over the other little shops. Standing beside its burnished bronze doors, wearing a uniform of scarlet and gold, was –  
'Yeah, that's a goblin,' said Hagrid quietly as they walked up the white stone steps towards him.

**The goblin was about a head shorter than Harry. He had a swarthy, clever face, a pointed beard and, Harry noticed, very long fingers and feet. He bowed as they walked inside. Now they were facing a second pair of doors, silver this time, with words engraved upon them:**

_**Enter, stranger, but take heed**_

_**Of what awaits the sin of greed,**_

_**For those who take but do not earn,**_

_**Must pay dearly in their turn,**_

_**So if you seek beneath our floors**_

_**A treasure that was never yours,**_

_**Thief, you have been warned, beware**_

_**Of finding more than treasure there.**_

**'Like I said, yeh'd be mad ter try an' rob it,' said Hagrid.**

**A pair of goblins bowed them through the silver doors and they were in a vast marble hall. About a hundred more goblins **

"IT'S AN EVIL ARMY!!!!"

**were sitting on high stools behind a long counter, scribbling in large ledgers, weighing coins on brass scales, examining precious stones through eyeglasses. There were too many doors to count leading off the hall, and yet more goblins were showing people in and out of these. Hagrid and Harry made for the counter.**

**'Morning,' said Hagrid to a free goblin. 'We've come ter take some money outta Mr. Harry Potter's safe.'**

**'You have his key, sir?'**

**'Got it here somewhere,' said Hagrid and he started emptying his pockets onto the counter, scattering a handful of moldy dog-biscuits**

"Like I said. Unhygienic!"

**over the goblin's book of numbers. The goblin wrinkled his nose. Harry watched the goblin on their right weighing a pile of rubies as big as glowing coals.**

**'Got it,' said Hagrid at last, holding up a golden key.**

**The goblin looked at it closely.**

'That seems to be in order.'

**'An' I've also got a letter here from Professor Dumbledore,' said Hagrid importantly, throwing out his chest. 'It's about the You-Know-What in vault seven hundred and thirteen.'**

"Guys do you think we'll find out what the 'You-Know-What' is?" Loud sigh.

"Lily what's up?"

"Look at the title of this book!"

"The Philosopher's Stone, what about it?"

"How on earth did you pass your OWLs?"

**The goblin read the letter carefully.**

'Very well,' he said, handing it back to Hagrid, 'I will have someone take you down to both vaults. Griphook!'

**Griphook was yet another goblin. Once Hagrid had crammed all the dog-biscuits back inside his pockets, **

"Guys we are going to buy Hagrid a new coat next year!"

**he and Harry followed Griphook towards one of the doors leading off the hall.**

**'What's the You-Know-What in vault seven hundred and thirteen?' Harry asked.**

"Well he's not going to tell you!! Seriously Harry!!!"

**'Can't tell yeh that,' said Hagrid mysteriously.**

"See!!"

**'Very secret. **

"No duh!! Why else would you call it the 'You-Know-What'?"

**Hogwarts business. Dumbledore's trusted me. More'n my job's worth ter tell yeh that.'**

**Griphook held open the door for them. Harry, who had expected to see more marble, was surprised. They were in a narrow stone passageway lit with flaming torches. It sloped steeply downwards and there were little railway tracks on the floor. Griphook whistled and a small cart came hurtling up the tracks towards them. They climbed in - Hagrid with some difficulty **

"He fit? Haha!!! Moony you owe me a fiver!!!"

**- and were off.**

**At first they just hurtled through a maze of twisting passages. Harry tried to remember, left, right, right, left, middle fork, right, left, but it was impossible. The rattling cart seemed to know its own way, because Griphook wasn't steering.**

**Harry's eyes stung as the cold air rushed past them, but he kept them wide open. Once, he thought he saw a burst of fire at the end of a passage and twisted around to see if it was a dragon, but was too late. **

"There won't be any dragons down there, it's against Magical-Animal rights."

**They plunged even deeper, passing an underground lake where huge stalactites and stalagmites grew from the ceiling and floor.**

"What's the difference between a Stalagmite and a Stalactite?"

"I think, one of them grows from the ceiling and the other from the ground!"

**'I never know,' Harry called to Hagrid over the noise of the cart, 'what's the difference between a stalagmite and a stalactite?'**

"Harry didn't know either!!! I'm not that stupid!!"

"I beg to differ!!"

**'Stalagmite's got an 'm' in it,' said Hagrid. 'An' don' ask me questions just now, I think I'm gonna be sick.'**

"EeeeeWwwwwwww!!!!"

**He did look very green and when the cart stopped at last beside a small door in the passage wall, Hagrid got out and had to lean against the wall to stop his knees trembling.**

**Griphook unlocked the door. A lot of green smoke came billowing out, and as it cleared, Harry gasped.**

**Inside were mounds of gold coins. Columns of silver. Heaps of little bronze Knuts.**

"Wow!!"

"See!! I said I was loaded!!! And that's not even the PROPER Potter vault!!!"

"So Lily, if you don't want to marry James for love, do it for the money!!"

"Fuck you Sirius!"

**'All yours,' smiled Hagrid.**

**All Harry's - it was incredible. The Dursleys couldn't have known about this or they'd have had it from him faster than blinking. **

"Definitely!!"

"If I know my sister and how much she hates me! Then it wouldn't even have taken a blink before she took it!! She's always been obsessed with money!!"

"Lily, if we ever get married do you mind if we don't tell your sister I'm rich?"

"She'd probably rob you if she found out. Or marry you. Whichever gets the most money!"

**How often had they complained how much Harry cost them to keep?**

**And all the time there had been a small fortune belonging to him, buried deep under London.**

"That vault is just for school and general shopping expenses. There's a vault for special occasions, another for housing, another with all our deeds and legal documents, one for jewels and another for everything else!!"

**Hagrid helped Harry pile some of it into a bag.**

**'The gold ones are Galleons,' he explained. 'Seventeen silver Sickles to a Galleon and twenty-nine Knuts to a sickle, it's easy enough. **

"Muggle currency is easier!"

**Right, that should be enough fer a couple o' terms, we'll keep the rest safe fer yeh."'He turned to Griphook. 'Vault seven hundred and thirteen, now, please, and can we go more slowly?'**

"Why would he want to go slowly? It's awesome going fast!!! Besides otherwise it would take forever!!"

**'One speed only,' said Griphook.**

**They were going even deeper now and gathering speed. The air became colder and colder as they hurtled round tight corners. They went rattling over an underground ravine and Harry leant over the side to try and see what was down at the dark bottom but Hagrid groaned and pulled him back by the scruff of his neck.**

**Vault seven hundred and thirteen had no keyhole.**

**'Stand back,' said Griphook importantly. He stroked the door gently with one of his long fingers and it simply melted away.**

**'If anyone but a Gringotts goblin tried that, they'd be sucked through the door and trapped in there,' said Griphook.**

"That wouldn't be very pleasant!!!"

**'How often do you check to see if anyone's inside?' Harry asked.**

**'About once every ten years,' said Griphook, with a rather nasty grin.**

"I'm not trying it!!!!"

**Something really extraordinary had to be inside this top-security vault, Harry was sure, and he leant forward eagerly, expecting to see fabulous jewels at the very least - but at first he thought it was empty.**

**Then he noticed a grubby little package wrapped up in brown paper lying on the floor. **

"It's the stone!!!"

"What stone?"

"Oh Jeez why do I even bother!!!"

**Hagrid picked it up and tucked it deep inside his coat. Harry longed to know **

**what it was, but he knew better than to ask.**

'**Come on, back in this infernal cart, and don't talk to me on the way back, its best if I keep me mouth shut,' said Hagrid.**

"Gross!!! Imagine that vomit flying around at 180 mph!!!"

**One wild cart-ride later they stood blinking in the sunlight outside Gringotts. Harry didn't know where to run first now that he had a bag full of money.**

"Please tell me my son is going to be responsible money wise!!!"

"Not if he has my shopping tendencies!!!"

**He didn't have to know how many Galleons there were to a pound to know that he was holding more money than he'd had in his whole life - more money than even Dudley had ever had.**

"Now THAT is an accomplishment!!!"

**'Might as well get yer uniform,' said Hagrid, nodding towards Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. **

"I had a summer job there!! I wonder if Madam Malkin remembers me?"

**'Listen, Harry, would yeh mind if I slipped off fer a pick-me-up in the Leaky Cauldron? Hate them Gringotts carts.'**

"How is getting an alcoholic drink going to solve motion sickness?"

**He did still look a bit sick, so Harry entered Madam Malkin's shop alone, feeling nervous.**

**Madam Malkin was a squat, smiling witch dressed all in mauve.**

**'Hogwarts dear?' she said, when Harry started to speak. 'Got the lot here - another young man being fitted up just now, in fact.'**

"Maybe this is one of Harry's future friends?!"

"Maybe it's one of Harry future GIRLFRIENDS!!"

"Why is that in plural!!"

"With a godfather like me, he's going to learn from the best!!"

"Oh Good Lord!!!"

**In the back of the shop, a boy **

"Darn it!!!"

**with a pale, pointed face **

"BAD FEELING!!!"

**was standing on a footstool while a second witch pinned up his long black robes. **

**Madam Malkin stood Harry on a stool next to him, slipped a long robe over his head and began to pin it to the right length.**

**'Hullo,' said the boy, 'Hogwarts too?'**

**'Yes,' said Harry.**

**'My father's next door buying my books and mother's up the street looking at wands,' said the boy. He had a bored, drawling voice.**

"I don't like this kid."

**'Then I'm going to drag them off to look at racing brooms. I don't see why first-years can't have their own. I think I'll bully father into getting me one and I'll smuggle it in somehow.'**

"STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY SON MALFOY!!!!"

"How do you know he's a Malfoy?"

"Enemy instinct!!!"

**Harry was strongly reminded of Dudley.**

"Except slimier!! My God!!! I can't believe Lucius reproduced!!! THE HORROR!!!"

**'Have you got your own broom?' the boy went on.**

"He's only eleven you pratt!!!"

**'No,' said Harry.**

**'Play Quidditch at all?'**

**'No,' **

LOUD SOB!!!

**said Harry again, wondering what on earth Quidditch could be.**

Even louder sob!

**'I do - Father says it's a crime if I'm not picked to play for my house, and I must say, I agree. Know what house you'll be in yet?'**

"Gryffindor!!! Definitely!! No doubt about it!!!"

**'No,' said Harry, feeling more stupid by the minute.**

"You're not stupid Harry!! It's the Dursleys fault!!!"

**'Well, no one really knows until they get there, do they, but I know I'll be in Slytherin, all our family have been**

"Yep and they're all evil bastards!!! EVERY LAST ONE!!!!"

"James!! You don't know for sure he's a Malfoy!!"

"I can smell the Malfoyness coming off him!!"

"James. We're reading a book."

**- imagine being in Hufflepuff, I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?'**

"Hufflepuff's not bad!!! It's better than Slytherin you useless pile of dog vomit!!!!"

"Lily, why have you suddenly decided to insult the guy? Brilliant insult by the way!!"

"Dunno, just this feeling."

"Then he must be a Malfoy!! Lily remember the time you suddenly hexed Lucius and then later on we found out he was going to prank you!!!"

"Oh yeah!!"

"See!!! He must be a Malfoy!!"

**'Mmm,' said Harry, wishing he could say something a bit more interesting.**

'I say, look at that man!' said the boy suddenly, nodding towards the front window.

**Hagrid was standing there, grinning at Harry and pointing at two large ice-creams to show he couldn't come in.**

"Aww, Hagrid got Harry ice-cream. That's so sweet!!!"

**'That's Hagrid,' said Harry, pleased to know something the boy didn't. 'He works at Hogwarts.'**

**'Oh,' said the boy, 'I've heard of him. He's a sort of servant, isn't he?'**

"NO HE'S NOT A BLOODY SERVANT YOU SLIMEBALL!!!"

**'He's the gamekeeper,' said Harry. He was liking the boy less and less every second.**

"See!!! The Potter-Malfoy rivalry is starting again!!!"

**'Yes, exactly. I heard he's a sort of savage –**

"YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**lives in a hut in the school grounds and every now and then he gets drunk, tries to do magic and ends up setting fire to his bed.'**

"WHAT THE FUCK?!!! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!!!"

**'I think he's brilliant,' said Harry coldly.**

"You tell him Harry!!!"

**'Do you?' said the boy, with a slight sneer.** **'Why is he with you? Where are your parents?'**

**'They're dead,' said Harry shortly.**

"Ah. That's depressing!"

"Harry should have told him that he defeated Voldemort!!! That would have shown the Voldemort worshiper!!!"

**He didn't feel much like going into the matter with this boy.**

**'Oh, sorry,' said the other, not sounding sorry at all. 'But they were our kind, weren't they?'**

"Pureblood maniac. Must be Malfoy!!!"

**'They were a witch and wizard, if that's what you mean.'**

**'I really don't think they should let the other sort in, do you? **

"THAT FUCKER!!!"

**They're just not the same, **

"YES WE'RE FUCKING THE SAME!!!"

**they've never been brought up to know our ways. Some of them have never even heard of Hogwarts until they get the letter, imagine. **

"AND?!!! I'M STILL THE BEST WITCH AT SCHOOL!!!"

**I think they should keep it in the old wizarding families. **

"FUCKING BULLCRAP!!!"

"I never knew Lily had such interesting vocab!!!"

**What's your surname, anyway?'**

"Does it matter?!!!"

**Before Harry could answer, Madam Malkin said, 'That's you done, my dear,' and Harry, not sorry for an excuse to stop talking to the boy, hopped down from the footstool.**

**'Well, I'll see you at Hogwarts, I suppose,' said the drawling boy.**

"I bet Harry will get in a duel with this brat!!!!"

"Please my son's more responsible than that!!!"

"He's my son too!! And I agree with Sirius!!!"

"Aww, their first couple argument!!!"

**'What's up?' said Hagrid.**

**'Nothing,' Harry lied. **

**They stopped to buy parchment and quills. Harry cheered up a bit when he found a bottle of ink that changed color as you wrote.**

"Awesome!!!"

**When they had left the shop, he said, 'Hagrid, what's Quidditch?'**

**'Blimey, Harry, I keep forgettin' how little yeh know - not knowin' about Quidditch!'**

"I agree Hagrid!! THE HORROR!!"

**'Don't make me feel worse,' said Harry. He told Hagrid about the pale boy in Madam Malkin's.**

**'-and he said people from Muggle families shouldn't even be allowed in -'**

"Because he's a retard whose still living in the dark ages!!"

"Agreed!!!"

**'Yer not from a Muggle family. If he'd known who yeh were - he's grown up knowin' yer name if his parents were wizardin' folk - you saw 'em in the Leaky Cauldron. **

"DAMN RIGHT!!! He'd have been kissing Harry's feet if he knew!!!"

**Anyway, what does he know about it, some o' the best I ever saw were the only ones with magic in 'em in a long line o' Muggles - look at yer mum!** **Look at what she had fer a sister!'**

"Awww, Hagrid is so sweet!!!"

**'So what is Quidditch?'**

**'It's our sport, wizard sport. It's like - like football in the Muggle world - everyone follows Quidditch - played up in the air on broomsticks and there's four balls - sorta hard ter explain the rules.'**

"Don't worry you'll find out later!!!"

**'And what are Slytherin and Hufflepuff?'**

**'School houses. There are four. Everyone says Hufflepuff are a lot o' duffers, but -'**

**'I bet I'm in Hufflepuff,' said Harry gloomily.**

"Please!! Every Potter has been in Gryffindor!!! It's not about to change!!!"

"Yeah but James; every Black has been in Slytherin and I'm in Gryffindor."

"You're not making me feel any better Padfoot!"

**'Better Hufflepuff than Slytherin,' said Hagrid darkly. 'There's not a single witch or wizard who went bad who wasn't in Slytherin. You-Know-Who was one.'**

**'Vol - sorry - You-Know-Who was at Hogwarts?'**

"I feel so sorry for anyone around then!!!!"

"I heard Moaning Myrtle went to school then!!"

"You don't think Voldie killed her?"

"Probably!"

"Bad all the way through!!"

**'Years an' years ago,' said Hagrid.**

**They bought Harry's school books in a shop called Flourish and Blotts where the shelves were stacked to the ceiling with books as large as paving stones bound in leather; books the size of postage stamps in covers of silk; books full of peculiar symbols and a few books with nothing in them at all. **

"A place I like to call heaven!!" Lily said dreamily

"A place I like to call hell!!!"

"Fuck you Sirius!"

**Even Dudley, who never read anything, would have been wild to get his hands on some of these.**

**Hagrid almost had to drag Harry away from Curses and Counter-Curses (Bewitch your Friends and Befuddle your Enemies with the Latest Revenges: Hair Loss, Jelly-Legs, Tongue-Tying and much, much more) by Professor Vindictus Viridian.**

"Harry's turning out to be just like me!!!"

"Poor kid!"

**'I was trying to find out how to curse Dudley.'**

"GREAT IDEA!! Fifth Marauder, I'm telling you!!!"

**'I'm not sayin' that's not a good idea, **

"Haha!! Go Hagrid!!"

**but yer not ter use magic in the Muggle world except in very special circumstances,' **

"Like life and death!!!"

**said Hagrid. 'An' anyway, yeh couldn' work any of them curses yet, yeh'll need a lot more study before yeh get ter that level.'**

**Hagrid wouldn't let Harry buy a solid gold cauldron, either**

"If Harry keeps on at this rate he'll be poor by third year!!"

**("It says pewter on yer list"), but they got a nice set of brass scales for weighing potion ingredients and a collapsible brass telescope. Then they visited the apothecary's, which was fascinating enough to make up for its horrible smell, a mixture of bad eggs and rotted cabbages.**

**Barrels of slimy stuff stood on the floor, jars of herbs, dried roots and bright powders lined the walls, bundles of feathers, strings of fangs and snarled claws hung from the ceiling. **

"That place is great!! I made loads of Veritaserum last year with a cool book they had in there!!"

"Lily, why would you want Veritaserum?"

"To threaten my sister with!!!"

"Oddly enough, I'm okay with that!!!"

**While Hagrid asked the man behind the counter for a supply of some basic potion ingredients for Harry, Harry himself examined silver unicorn horns at twenty-one Galleons each and minuscule, glittery black beetle eyes (five knuts a scoop).**

**Outside the apothecary's, Hagrid checked Harry's list again.**

**'Just yer wand left - oh yeah, an' I still haven't got yeh a birthday present.'**

**Harry felt himself go red.**

'You don't have to -'

**'I know I don't have to. Tell yeh what, I'll get yer an animal. Not a toad, toads went outta fashion years ago, yeh'd be laughed at -an' I don' like cats, **

"Aww!! I love cats!!!"

"If we get married I'll get you a cat!"

"Thanks James!!"

**they make me sneeze. I'll get yer an owl. All the kids want owls, they're dead useful, carry yer post an' everythin'.'**

**Twenty minutes later, they left Eeylops Owl Emporium, which had been dark and full of rustling and flickering, jewel-bright eyes. Harry now carried a large cage which held a beautiful snowy owl, fast asleep with her head under her wing. He couldn't stop stammering his thanks, sounding just like Professor Quirrell.**

"NO HARRY!!! DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT!!!"

**'Don' mention it,' said Hagrid gruffly. 'Don' expect you've had a lotta presents from them Dursleys.**

**Just Ollivanders left now - only place fer wands, Ollivanders, and yeh gotta have the best wand.'**

**A magic wand... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.**

**The last shop was narrow and shabby. Peeling gold letters over the door read Ollivanders: Makers of Fine Wands since 382 BC. A single wand lay on a faded purple cushion in the dusty window.**

**A tinkling bell rang somewhere in the depths of the shop as they stepped inside. It was a tiny place, empty for a single spindly chair which Hagrid sat on to wait. Harry felt strangely as though he'd entered a very strict library; he swallowed a lot of new questions which had just occurred to him and looked instead at the thousands of narrow boxes piled neatly right up to the ceiling. For some reason, the back of his neck prickled. The very dust and silence in here seemed to tingle with some secret magic.**

"Well duh!!! It's a wand shop!!!"

**'Good afternoon,' said a soft voice. Harry jumped. **

**Hagrid must have jumped, too, because there was a loud crunching noise and he got quickly off the spindly chair.**

**An old man was standing before them, his wide, pale eyes shining like moons through the gloom of the shop.**

**'Hello,' said Harry awkwardly.**

**'Ah yes,' said the man. 'Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter.' It wasn't a question.**

"Creeeppyy!!"

**'You have your mother's eyes. **

"That's good Lily has beautiful eyes!!!" Blushes!!

**It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wand. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wand for charm work.'**

"Weird, I'm awesome at charms!!!"

**Mr. Ollivander moved closer to Harry. Harry wished he would blink. Those silvery eyes were a bit creepy.**

**'Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wand. Eleven inches. Pliable. A little more power and excellent for transfiguration. **

"Weird, I'm awesome at Transfiguration!!!"

**Well, I say your father favored it- it's really the wand that chooses the wizard, of course.'**

"Oh yeah , I forgot that Ollivander preaches that phrase like it's the Ten Commandments!!"

**My Ollivander had come so close that he and Harry were almost nose to nose. Harry could see himself reflected in those misty eyes.**

**'And that's where...'**

**Mr. Ollivander touched the lightning scar on Harry's forehead with a long, white finger.**

'I'm sorry to say that I sold the wand that did it,'

"Not very surprising, most wands are sold by him!!!"

**he said softly. Thirteen and a half inches. Yew. Powerful wand, very powerful, and in the wrong hands... Well, if I'd known what that wand was going out in the world to do...'**

"If anyone knew, Voldie would have been executed on the spot!!!"

**He shook his head and then, to Harry's relief, spotted Hagrid.**

**'Rubeus! Rubeus Hagrid! How nice to see you again... Oak, sixteen inches, rather bendy, wasn't it?'**

"It's scary how he remembers EVERY single wand he ever sells!!!"

**'It was, sir, yes,' said Hagrid.**

**'Good wand, that one. But I suppose they snapped it in half when you got expelled?' said Mr. Ollivander, suddenly stern.**

**'Er - yes, they did, yes,' said Hagrid, shuffling his feet. 'I've still got the pieces, though,' he added brightly.**

**'But you don't use them?' said Mr. Ollivander sharply.**

**'Oh, no, sir,' said Hagrid quickly. Harry noticed he gripped his pink umbrella very tightly as he spoke.**

"Lily was probably right when she said the handle was made of his wand!!"

**'Hmmm,' said Mr. Ollivander, giving Hagrid a piercing look. 'Well, now - Mr. Potter. Let me see.'**

**He pulled a long tape measure with silver marking out of his pocket. 'Which is your wand arm?'**

**'Er - well, I'm right-handed,' said Harry.**

**'Hold out your arm. That's it.' He measured Harry from shoulder to finger, then wrist to elbow, shoulder to floor, knee to armpit and round his head.**

"Some of those measurements are weeeeeiiiiiiirrrrrrrdddd!"

**As he measured, he said, 'Every Ollivander wand has a core of a powerful magical substance, Mr. Potter. We use unicorn hairs, phoenix tail feathers and the heartstrings of dragons. No two Ollivander wands are the same, just as no two unicorns or dragons or phoenixes are quite the same. And of course, you will never get such good results with another wizard's wand.'**

**Harry suddenly realized that the tape measure, which was measuring between his nostrils, **

"Like I said weeeeeeiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrddddddd!!!"

**was doing this on its own. Mr. Ollivander was flitting around the shelves, taking down boxes.**

**'That will do,' he said, and the tape measure crumpled into a heap on the floor. 'Right then, Mr. Potter. Try this one. Beechwood and dragon heartstring. Nine inches. Nice and flexible. Just take it and give it a wave.'**

**Harry took the wand and (feeling foolish) waved it around a bit, but Mr. Ollivander took it out of his hand almost at once.**

**'Maple and phoenix feather. Seven inches. Quite whippy. Try -'**

**Harry tried - but he had hardly raised it when it, too, was snatched back by Mr. Ollivander.**

**'No, no - here, ebony and unicorn hair, eight and a half inches, springy. Go on, go on, try it out.'**

**Harry tried. And tried. He had no idea what Mr. Ollivander was waiting for. The pile of tried wands was mounting higher and higher on the spindly chair, but the more wands Mr. Ollivander pulled from the shelves, the happier he seemed to become.**

"That guy seriously creeps me out!!"

"I hope Harry gets a wand!!! Ollivander is the best!!"

**'Tricky customer, eh? Not to worry, we'll find the perfect match here somewhere - I wonder, now - yes, why not - unusual combination - holly and phoenix feather, eleven inches, nice and supple.'**

**Harry took the wand. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers.**

"Yay!! Harry has a wand!!!"

**He raised the wand above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on the walls.**

**Hagrid whooped and clapped and Mr. Ollivander cried, 'Oh, bravo! Yes, indeed, oh, very good. Well, well, well... how curious... how very curious...'**

"Creep!"

**He put Harry's wand back into its box and wrapped it in brown paper, still muttering, 'Curious... curious...'**

**'Sorry,' said Harry, 'but what's curious?'**

**Mr. Ollivander fixed Harry with his pale stare. **

**'I remember every wand I've ever sold, Mr. Potter. Every single wand. **

"Because he has no life/girlfriend!!"

**It so happens that the phoenix whose tail feather is in your wand, gave another feather - just one other. It is very curious indeed that you should be destined for this wand when its brother - why, its brother gave you that scar.'**

"That is weird!!!"

**Harry swallowed.**

**'Yes, thirteen and a half inches. Yew. Curious indeed how these things happen. The wand chooses the wizard, remember... I think we must expect great things from you, Mr. Potter... After all, He Who Must Not Be Named did great things**

"WTF!!!!!"

**- terrible, yes, but great.'**

"I repeat WTF?!!"

**Harry shivered. He wasn't sure he liked Mr. Ollivander too much. He paid seven gold Galleons for his wand and Mr. Ollivander bowed them from his shop.**

**The late-afternoon sun hung low in the sky as Harry and Hagrid made their way back down Diagon Alley, back through the wall, back through the Leaky Cauldron, now empty. Harry didn't speak at all as they walked down the road; he didn't even notice how much people were gawping at them on the Underground, laden as they were with all their funny-shaped packages, with the sleeping snowy owl on Harry's lap.**

**Up another escalator, out into Paddington station; Harry only realized where they were when Hagrid tapped him on the shoulder.**

**'Got time fer a bite to eat before yer train leaves,' he said.**

**He bought Harry a hamburger and they sat down on plastic seats to eat them.**

**Harry kept looking around. Everything looked so strange, somehow.**

**'You all right, Harry? Yer very quiet,' said Hagrid.**

**Harry wasn't sure he could explain. He'd just had the best birthday of his life **

"That's very depressing!!"

**- and yet - he chewed his hamburger, trying to find the words.**

**'Everyone thinks I'm special,' he said at last. 'All those people in the Leaky Cauldron, Professor Quirrell, Mr. Ollivander ... but I don't know anything about magic at all. How can they expect great things?** **I'm famous and I can't even remember what I'm famous for. I don't know what happened when Vol- sorry - I mean, the night my parents died.'**

**Hagrid leant across the table. Behind the wild beard and eyebrows he wore a very kind smile.**

**'Don' you worry, Harry. You'll learn fast enough. Everyone starts at the beginning at Hogwarts, you'll be just fine. Just be yerself. I know it's hard. Yeh've been singled out, an' that's always hard. But yeh'll have a great time at Hogwarts - I did - still do, 'smatter of fact.'**

"Yeah Hogwarts rocks!!" Suddenly and very randomly Sirius started singing the Hogwarts school song!

**Hagrid helped Harry on to the train that would take him back to the Dursleys, then handed him an envelope.**

**'Yer ticket fer Hogwarts,' he said. 'First o' September - King's Cross - it's all on yer ticket. Any problems with the Dursleys, send me a letter with yer owl, she'll know where to find me... See yer soon, Harry.'**

**The train pulled out of the station. Harry wanted to watch Hagrid until he was out of sight; he rose in his seat and pressed his nose against the window, but he blinked and Hagrid had gone.**

"I'm tired." Lily said, "I'm going to bed, see you guys tomorrow!" Lily walked out of the room. The Marauders played exploding snap twice then went to bed.

* * *

Thank you my AMAZING reviewers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Siriusly-im-no-muggle**: Aww!! Thank you!!! Hope you enjoyed! :)

**-Yuna's Reincarnation-1**: Sos about late update but its up now!! :P

**Mona Skyes**: I'm not sure when I'll be able to update next I've got my end of year exams coming up!! :(

**Anurima Katheryn Mae Rose**: I'm glad you're enjoying it!! :)

**miss Bayley Black**: I couldn't really think of much to say about the wand bit! Sos! :)

**CookieMonsterxx3**: I'm glad you're enjoying it!! :P

**Tracy-Lovin'TwilightN'HPotter**-: Thanks loads!! :)

**firebolt123**: Meh exams!!! No idea when next update will be! :(

**XxCullen - Viao – CostaxX**: I'm more concerned about what's going to happen in the third when they think Sirius betrayed them ;)

**Merciless-the-insane-cancerian:** Um… *secretly takes caffeine and sugar away to secret lair* Thanks!! :)

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**moonray9**: :( You want to kill me? *goes into corner to cry* hehe!!

**callie258:** More…ness :)

**Katanagirl16**: Evil tests of doom will stop next update for while! Sos!! :(


	7. Journey From Platform 9 and 3 Quarters

**AN: So so so so sorry!!! I got a block on this but I started this chapter in the middle of my English class!! And there's more non-book-reading stuff as a bonus and a promise of possible LilyXJames stuff in a future chapter!**

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* * *

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The Journey From Platform Nine and Three Quarters

The next day, Mr and Mrs Potter had decided to spend the day with their beloved son and so Operation Read the Book and Operation Woo Lily were postponed until further notice. At least so in the case of Remus and James who had decided to give up for the day and enjoy the home made food James's Mother attempted to cook!

Sirius, however, had different ideas and had set out to somehow trick Lily into giving James a chance.

"LIIIIIIILYYYYY!!!" He whined, whacking his fists on the door of the guest room, "LET MEEEE IIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!" The door flung open revealing a red faced and extremely annoyed Lily.

"What the hell do you want Black?!!!" Faced with her fury, Sirius seemed to shrink a little. Had she always been this frightening? He quickly mumbled his prepared proposition and looked up worriedly.

Lily frowned, "Speak up, how am I supposed to hear you when you're mumbling?!!"

"Whywon'tyougooutwithjames?!!!" It took her a moment to decipher the slightly louder messed up, jumble of words.

"I'm not just going to go out with him because apparently its my future, for all I know this could be a hoax. The only reason I'm still here is because I don't think even you would do something so horrible."

"What can I do to make you give him a chance?"

"Not much."

"How about a bet? You lose you have to go out on ONE date with him!!!"

"And why would I agree to that?"

"Because if you win I'll attend every single detention I receive, without excuse for the rest of our school careers." The sentence was forced out and Sirius wondered yet again why he was doing this for his friend. She seemed to consider it, on the one hand if she won she'd never have to deal with following him to ensure he went to the detention but on the other hand, a date with James?

"What's the bet?" Decision made, she would have to face the benefits/consequences later.

"If I can act serious for the rest of the day, without making any immature, angry or otherwise non-serious outburst or actions I win the bet."

"Deal. But you're not allowed to tell the other Marauders details about the bet."

"Agreed."

* * *

Sirius's sudden seriousness amazed and shocked James and Remus, but no matter how much they questioned him he didn't let slip a single word about his current predicament.

After spending a few hours sampling the rather vile food Mrs Potter had prepared then running down the stairs to get some real food from the house elves. Three of the four marauders met up with Lily in the library next to the shelf on Taxidermy where they'd hidden the book.

"I'll read." Remus announced, picking out the mysterious book and opening it to chapter 6.

**Harry's last month with the Dursleys wasn't fun. **

"When has it ever been?" Lily remarked drily, glancing at Sirius every so often to make sure he wasn't acting immature in any way shape or form.

**True, Dudley was now so scared of Harry he wouldn't stay in the same room, **

"Serves him right, the fat bully."

**while Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon didn't shut Harry in his cupboard, force him to do anything or shout at him **

"Probably too scared he'll turn them into toads or something along those lines."

"Such an act would be immature at the young age Harry is at."

"…"

"Seriously Sirius what is up with you today?!"

– **in fact, they didn't speak to him at all. **

"Best week of Harry's life then?"

**Half terrified, half furious, they acted as though any chair with Harry in it was empty. Although this was an improvement in many ways, it did become a bit depressing after a while.**

"Poor Harry's lonely. Do you think he'll find some friends at Hogwarts?"

"Of course he will Lily, don't worry so much!"

**Harry kept to his room, with his new owl for company. He had decided to call her Hedwig, a name he had found in **_**A History of Magic. **_

"NOOO! MY CHILD IS A NERD!!!"

"There's nothing wrong with doing a little extra preparation James!!"

**His school books were very interesting. **

"WHY?!"

"Hey, when you're a muggle born or adopted into a muggle family of course magic is bloody interesting!"

**He lay on his bed reading late into the night, Hedwig swooping in and out of the open window as she pleased. It was lucky that Aunt Petunia didn't come in to Hoover any more, because Hedwig kept bringing back dead mice. **

"Gross!"

**Every night before he went to sleep Harry ticked off another day on the piece of paper he had pinned to the wall, counting down to September the first.**

**On the last day of August he thought he'd better speak to his Aunt and Uncle about getting to King's Cross station next day, **

"How about flu powder?"

"They don't have flu powder."

"But EVERYONE has flu powder!"

"I don't. Bad preparation on Harry's part."

"Then he should have BOUGHT some flu powder at Diagon Alley!"

"Will you just get over flu powder already!!!"

"Now Lily, Angry outbursts such as this are not very polite."

**so he went down to the living –room where they were watching a quiz show on television. He cleared his throat to let them know he was there, and Dudley screamed and ran from the room.**

"Stupid child."

"Downright cowardly if you ask me."

"**Er – Uncle Vernon?"**

**Uncle Vernon grunted to show he was listening.**

"**Er – I need to be at King's Cross tomorrow to – to go to Hogwarts."**

**Uncle Vernon grunted again.**

"**Would it be all right if you gave me lift?"**

**Grunt. **

"What is he? A pig?"

"No James, that's Dudley."

"HA!! You were immature!! I WIN!!"

"No Lily, I was simply stating a fact."

"Wait, YOU'RE the reason Sirius is acting like this?!"

"It's a long story."

**Harry supposed that meant yes.**

"**Thank you" He was about to go back upstairs when Uncle Vernon actually spoke.**

"**Funny way to get to a wizards' school, the train. Magic carpets all got punctures, have they?"**

"Magic carpets went out of production years ago when the broom was invented. Besides they're very unfashionable."

**Harry didn't say anything.**

"Wise decision, don't want to anger the only person who can drive him to the station."

"But what about the flu powder?"

"For the last time, there is NO flu powder!"

"**Where is this school, anyway?"**

"**I don't know," said Harry, realizing this for the first time. He pulled the ticket Hagrid had given him out of his pocket.**

"**I just take the train from platform nine and three quarters at eleven o'clock" he read. His Aunt and Uncle stared.**

"**Platform what?"**

"**Nine and three quarters."**

"**Don't talk rubbish ," said Uncle Vernon, "There is no platform nine and three quarters."**

"Yeah there is. It says so on the ticket!"

"**It's on my ticket."**

"**Barking," said Uncle Vernon, "howling mad, the lot of them. You'll see. You just wait. All right, we'll take you to King's Cross. We're going up to London tomorrow anyway, or I wouldn't bother.'**

"Selfish moron. You'd think he WANTED Harry to stay at home!"

"It makes no sense but then again Walruses aren't known for being smart."

"**Why are you going to London?" asked Harry, trying to keep things friendly.**

"**Taking Dudley to hospital,' growled Uncle Vernon. "got to have that ruddy tail removed before he goes to Smeltings."**

"It'd be pretty embarrassing otherwise."

"Quite. The child would be subjected to ridicule from his peers."

"Lily, why are you making Sirius do this?"

"It was his idea. Not mine, so don't blame me!"

**Harry woke at five o'clock the next morning and was too excited and nervous to go back to sleep. **

"Like it feels at Christmas!!!" (AN: Yay xmas!!!!)

**He got up and pulled on his jeans because he didn't want to walk into the station in his wizard's robes **

"That'd be pretty weird, no one would take him seriously!"

"Not only that but if he asked fro help finding Platform 9 and ¾ they'd think he was truly insane!"

— **he'd change on the train. He checked his Hogwarts list yet again to make sure he had everything he needed, saw that Hedwig was shut safely in her cage, and then paced the room, waiting for the Dursleys to get up. **

"You'll be waiting a looong time!"

**Two hours later, **

"Like I said, loooooong time!"

**Harry's huge, heavy trunk had been loaded into the Dursleys' car, Aunt Petunia had talked Dudley into sitting next to Harry, **

"Wouldn't it be horrible if Dudley found out Harry wasn't allowed magic outside school?"

"More than likely he'd go back to bullying him."

**and they had set off. **

**They reached King's Cross at half past ten. **

"Bit early isn't it, train sets off at eleven."

"Yes but Harry'll need to find the train first which could take some time."

**Uncle Vernon dumped Harry's trunk onto a cart and wheeled it into the station for him. **

"… Dear Lord…"

"Harry! You shouldn't be using mind control spells on your uncle it's very rude!"

"Perhaps Vernon is turning over a new leaf in an attempt to better himself."

"Why Sirius? WHY?!"

"You'll thank me for this later James."

**Harry thought this was strangely kind until Uncle Vernon stopped dead, facing the platforms with a nasty grin on his face. **

"Knew it was too good to be true."

"What's the fat fucker done this time?"

"**Well, there you are, boy. Platform nine — platform ten. Your platform should be somewhere in the middle, but they don't seem to have built it yet, do they?" **

"Moron."

"Of _course _they have!!! But you can't get through it because you're a muggle!"

"The gap between the platforms wouldn't be large enough to let him in"

**He was quite right, of course. There was a big plastic number nine over one platform and a big plastic number ten over the one next to it, and in the middle, nothing at all. **

"It's invisible Harry, you have to have The Sight"

"**Have a good term," said Uncle Vernon with an even nastier smile. He left without another word. Harry turned and saw the Dursleys drive away. All three of them were laughing. **

"Prats."

"Asses"

**Harry's mouth went rather dry. What on earth was he going to do? He was starting to attract a lot of funny looks, because of Hedwig. He'd have to ask someone. He stopped a passing guard, but didn't dare mention platform nine and three-quarters. **

**The guard had never heard of Hogwarts **

"It's a wizard school, muggles aren't allowed to know it exists in case they attempt to apply."

**and when Harry couldn't even tell him what part of the country it was in, **

"Scotland I think."

"It'd explain the cold weather."

**he started to get annoyed, as though Harry was being stupid on purpose. Getting desperate, Harry asked for the train that left at eleven o'clock, but the guard said there wasn't one. In the end the guard strode away, muttering about time wasters. Harry was now trying hard not to panic. According to the large clock over the arrivals board, he had ten minutes left to get on the train to Hogwarts**

"He talked to the moronic guard for twenty minutes? What a waste of time!"

**and he had no idea how to do it; he was stranded in the middle of a station with a trunk he could hardly lift, a pocket full of wizard money, and a large owl. **

**Hagrid must have forgotten to tell him something you had to do, like tapping the third brick on the left to get into Diagon Alley. He wondered if he should get out his wand and start tapping the ticket inspector's stand between platforms nine and ten.**

"That would probably work, he'd lean in to tap the bricks and just fall straight through!"

**At that moment a group of people passed just behind him and he caught a few words of what they were saying. **

"— **packed with Muggles, of course —" **

**Harry swung round. The speaker was a plump woman who was talking to four boys, all with flaming red hair. **

"Weasleys."

"How do you know?"

"Purebloods all have signature looks, Malfoys are slimy blond gits, Potters have the characteristic hair and Weasleys all have bright red hair."

**Each of them was pushing a trunk like Harry's in front of him — and they had an **_**owl**_**. Heart hammering, Harry pushed his cart after them. They stopped and so did he, just near enough to hear what they were saying. **

"Why does Harry keep eavesdropping? It's a very rude habit."

"**Now, what's the platform number?" said the boys' mother. **

"**Nine and three-quarters!" piped a small girl, also red-headed, who was holding her hand, "Mum, can't I go…?"**

"**You're not old enough, Ginny, now be quiet. All right, Percy, you go first." What looked like the oldest boy marched toward platforms nine and ten. **

**Harry watched, careful not to blink in case he missed it — but just as the boy reached the dividing barrier between the two platforms, a large crowd of tourists came swarming in front of him and by the time the last backpack had cleared away, the boy had vanished. **

"**Fred, you next," the plump woman said. **

"**I'm not Fred, I'm George," said the boy. "Honestly, woman, you call yourself our mother? Can't you **_**tell **_**I'm George?"**

"Isn't that a bit strange, not being able to tell your children apart?"

"Quite possibly, yet there is a chance that the two siblings are identical twins."

"Sirius, how exactly does this help me?"

"In due time my friend, due time."

"**Sorry, George, dear." **

"**Only joking, I am Fred," said the boy, and off he went. His twin **

"Told you."

**called after him to hurry up, and he must have done so, because a second later, he had gone — but how had he done it? Now the third brother was walking briskly toward the barrier he was almost there — and then, quite suddenly, he wasn't anywhere. There was nothing else for it. **

"**Excuse me," Harry said to the plump woman. **

"**Hello, dear," she said. "First time at Hogwarts? Ron's new, too."** **She pointed at the last and youngest of her sons. He was tall, thin, and gangling, with freckles, big hands and feet, and a long nose. **

"Definitely Weasleys then."

"**Yes," said Harry. "The thing is — the thing is, I don't know how to —" **

"**How to get onto the platform?" she said kindly, and Harry nodded. **

"**Not to worry," she said. "All you have to do is walk straight at the barrier between platforms nine and ten. Don't stop and don't be scared you'll crash into it, that's very important. Best do it at a bit of a run if you're nervous. Go on, go now before Ron." **

"That was nice of her to explain."

"Dear Merlin, image how screwed Harry would have been if they had been Malfoys instead."

"**Er — okay," said Harry. He pushed his trolley around and stared at the barrier. It looked very solid. He started to walk toward it. People jostled him on their way to platforms nine and ten. Harry walked more quickly. He was going to smash right into that barrier and then he'd be in trouble — leaning forward on his cart, he broke into a heavy run — the barrier was coming nearer and nearer — he wouldn't be able to stop — the cart was out of control — he was a foot away — he closed his eyes ready for the crash — **

"And it doesn't come."

**It didn't come… he kept on running… he opened his eyes. A scarlet steam engine was waiting next to a platform packed with people. A sign overhead said **_**Hogwarts' Express, eleven o'clock**_**. Harry looked behind him and saw a wrought-iron archway where the barrier had been, with the words **_**Platform Nine and Three-Quarters **_**on it, He had done it. **

**Smoke from the engine drifted over the heads of the chattering crowd, while cats of every colour wound here and there between their legs. Owls hooted to one another in a disgruntled sort of way over the babble and the scraping of heavy trunks. **

**The first few carriages were already packed with students, some hanging out of the window to talk to their families, some fighting over seats. Harry pushed his cart off down the platform in search of an empty seat. He passed a round-faced boy who was saying, "Gran, I've lost my toad again." **

"… someone actually got a toad."

"Poor sod."

"**Oh, **_**Neville**_**," he heard the old woman sigh. **

**A boy with dreadlocks was surrounded by a small crowd. **

"**Give us a look, Lee, go on." The boy lifted the lid of a box in his arms, and the people around him shrieked and yelled as something inside poked out a long, hairy leg. **

"Ew! Spider!"

**Harry pressed on through the crowd until he found an empty compartment near the end of the train. He put Hedwig inside first and then started to shove and heave his trunk toward the train door. He tried to lift it up the steps but could hardly raise one end and twice he dropped it painfully on his foot. **

"**Want a hand?" It was one of the red-haired twins he'd followed through the barrier. **

"**Yes, please," Harry panted. **

"**Oy, Fred! C'mere and help!" With the twins' help, Harry's trunk was at last tucked away in a corner of the compartment. **

"**Thanks," said Harry, pushing his sweaty hair out of his eyes. **

"**What's that?" said one of the twins suddenly, pointing at Harry's lightning scar.**

"Shit."

"**Blimey," said the other twin. "Are you —?" **

"**He is," said the first twin. "Aren't you?" he added to Harry. **

"**What?" said Harry. **

"Harry Potter. Boy seriously needs to catch on."

"_**Harry Potter**_**." chorused the twins. **

"**Oh, him," said Harry** "**I mean, yes, I am." **

**The two boys gawked at him, and Harry felt himself turning red. **

"Poor Harry, its only going to get worse."

**Then, to his relief, a voice came floating in through the train's open door. **

"**Fred? George? Are you there?" **

"**Coming, Mum." With a last look at Harry, the twins hopped off the train. **

**Harry sat down next to the window where, half hidden, he could watch the red-haired family on the platform and hear what they were saying. Their mother had just taken out her handkerchief. **

"**Ron, you've got something on your nose." **

**The youngest boy tried to jerk out of the way, but she grabbed him and began rubbing the end of his nose. **

"How embarrassing."

"It might be Molly, remember her, she was head girl a couple of years back. Bright red hair, dating Arthur Weasley?"

"Either that or Arthur has a creepy fetish for red hair."

"I knew he was looking at Lily strangely!"

"_**Mum**_**— geroff" He wriggled free. **

"**Aaah, has ickle Ronnie got somefink on his nosie?" said one of the twins. **

"**Shut up," said Ron. **

"**Where's Percy?" said their mother. **

"**He's coming now." The oldest boy came striding into sight. He had already changed into his billowing black Hogwarts robes, and Harry noticed a red and gold badge on his chest with the letter **_**P **_**on it. **

"Our most hated enemy- _prefects._"

"This may have evaded your attention but both Lily and I are prefects!"

"… How could you Moony."

"**Can't stay long, Mother," he said. "I'm up front, the prefects have got two compartments to themselves —" **

"**Oh, are you a **_**prefect**_**, Percy?" said one of the twins, with an air of great surprise. "You should have said something, we had no idea." **

"**Hang on, I think I remember him saying something about it," said the other twin. "Once" **

"**Or twice —" **

"**A minute —" **

"**All summer —" **

"I like them."

"**Oh, shut up," said Percy the Prefect. **

"**How come Percy gets new robes, anyway?" said one of the twins. **

"**Because he's a **_**prefect**_**," **

"All this talk of prefects is making me ill."

"HA! That was immature!"

"Stating a fact Lily, simply stating a fact."

**said their mother fondly. "All right, dear, well, have a good term — send me an owl when you get there." She kissed Percy on the cheek and he left. Then she turned to the twins. **

"**Now, you two — this year, you behave yourselves. If I get one more owl telling me you've — you've blown up a toilet or —"**

"Excellent idea."

"We'll do it and take credit!"

"Win, win situation!"

"Except the part where you get two weeks detention."

"**Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet." **

"**Great idea though, thanks, Mum." **

"I think these two might be the new Marauders."

"Wasn't the first ones bad enough?"

"You hurt us Lily"

"**It's **_**not funny**_**. And look after Ron." **

"**Don't worry, ickle Ronniekins is safe with us." **

"**Shut up," said Ron again. He was almost as tall as the twins already and his nose was still pink where his mother had rubbed it. **

"**Hey, Mum, guess what? Guess who we just met on the train?" **

"I don't like them so much anymore…"

"What a shame, such _potential_!"

"Can't they give Harry a break?"

**Harry leaned back quickly so they couldn't see him looking. **

"**You know that black-haired boy who was near us in the station? Know who he is?" **

"**Who?" **

"_**Harry Potter**_**!" Harry heard the little girl's voice. **

"**Oh, Mum, can I go on the train and see him, Mum, oh please…"**

"Oh for God's sake he isn't a bloody circus freak!"

"**You've already seen him, Ginny, and the poor boy isn't something you goggle at in a zoo. **

"Thank you!"

**Is he really, Fred? How do you know?" **

"… I take it back."

"**Asked him. Saw his scar. It's really there — like lightning." **

"**Poor **_**dear **_**— no wonder he was alone, I wondered. He was ever so polite when he asked how to get onto the platform." **

"**Never mind that, do you think he remembers what You-Know-Who looks like?" **

"JESUS CHRIST!!"

"Hasn't the poor kid suffered enough?!"

**Their mother suddenly became very stern. **

"**I forbid you to ask him, Fred. No, don't you dare. As though he needs reminding of that on his first day at school." **

"**All right, keep your hair on." A whistle sounded. **

"**Hurry up!" their mother said, and the three boys clambered onto the train. They leaned out of the window for her to kiss them good-bye, and their younger sister began to cry. **

"**Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls." **

"**We'll send you a Hogwarts' toilet seat." **

"Haha!!!"

"_**George!**_**" **

"**Only joking, Mum." **

**The train began to move. Harry saw the boys' mother waving and their sister, half laughing, half crying, running to keep up with the train until it gathered too much speed, then she fell back and waved. **

**Harry watched the girl and her mother disappear as the train rounded the corner. Houses flashed past the window. Harry felt a great leap of excitement. He didn't know what he was going to — but it had to be better than what he was leaving behind.**

"Living in an asylum is better than living with the Dursleys!"

**The door of the compartment slid open and the youngest redheaded boy came in. **

"**Anyone sitting there?" he asked, pointing at the seat opposite Harry. "Everywhere else is full." **

**Harry shook his head and the boy sat down. He glanced at Harry and then looked quickly out of the window, pretending he hadn't looked. Harry saw he still had a black mark on his nose. **

"**Hey, Ron." The twins were back. **

"**Listen, we're going down the middle of the train — Lee Jordan's got a giant tarantula down there." **

"Stupid spider."

"I don't recall it being on the list of pets!"

"No fair! I want a tarantula!"

"Just go into the Forbidden Forest, there's practically an army left!!!"

"**Right," mumbled Ron. **

"Even Ron agrees with me!"

"**Harry," said the other twin, "did we introduce ourselves? Fred and George Weasley. And this is Ron, our brother. See you later, then." **

"**Bye," said Harry and Ron. The twins slid the compartment door shut behind them. **

"**Are you really Harry Potter?" Ron blurted out. **

"Bloody moron."

**Harry nodded. **

"**Oh — well, I thought it might be one of Fred and George's jokes," said Ron. "And have you really got — you know…" **

"Just spit it out instead of stuttering like Quirrel!"

**He pointed at Harry's forehead. **

**Harry pulled back his bangs to show the lightning scar. Ron stared.**

"Bloody rude to stare!"

"**So that's where You-Know-Who —?"**

"Bloody rude to ask personal questions!"

"**Yes," said Harry, "but I can't remember it." **

"**Nothing?" said Ron eagerly. **

"Bloody rude to be so cheerful about my death."

"**Well — I remember a lot of green light, but nothing else." **

"**Wow," said Ron. He sat and stared at Harry for a few moments, then, as though he had suddenly realized what he was doing, he looked quickly out of the window again. **

"Smart guy, Lily looks pissed already best not to continue upsetting her!"

"**Are all your family wizards?" asked Harry, who found Ron just as interesting as Ron found him. **

"**Er — Yes, I think so," said Ron. **

"Definitely Weasley then."

"**I think Mom's got a second cousin who's an accountant, but we never talk about him."**

"**So you must know loads of magic already." The Weasleys were clearly one of those old wizarding families the pale boy in Diagon Alley had talked about. **

"**I heard you went to live with Muggles," said Ron. "What are they like?"**

"Terrible"

"Awful"

"Disgusting"

"Vile"

"Grotesque!"

"**Horrible — well, not all of them. My aunt and uncle and cousin are, though. Wish I'd had three wizard brothers." **

"Not enough time- Lily, stop hitting me!!!"

"**Five," said Ron. For some reason, he was looking gloomy. "I'm the sixth in our family to go to Hogwarts. **

**You could say I've got a lot to live up to. Bill and Charlie have already left — Bill was head boy and Charlie was captain of Quidditch. Now Percy's a prefect. Fred and George mess around a lot, but they still get really good marks and everyone thinks they're really funny. Everyone expects me to do as well as the others, but if I do, it's no big deal, because they did it first. You never get anything new, either, with five brothers. I've got Bill's old robes, Charlie's old wand, and Percy's old rat." **

"Hmm…."

"What's up Padfoot?"

"Nothing, just a really strong feeling of suspicion…"

**Ron reached inside his jacket and pulled out a fat gray rat, which was asleep.**

"**His name's Scabbers and he's useless, he hardly ever wakes up. Percy got an owl from my dad for being made a prefect, but they couldn't aff — I mean, I got Scabbers instead." **

"Weasleys must have lost a lot of money, Arthur's family was well off last I heard."

**Ron's ears went pink. He seemed to think he'd said too much, because he went back to staring out of the window. **

**Harry didn't think there was anything wrong with not being able to afford an owl. After all, he'd never had any money in his life until a month ago, and he told Ron so, all about having to wear Dudley's old clothes and never getting proper birthday presents. This seemed to cheer Ron up. **

"… **and until Hagrid told me, I didn't know anything about being a wizard or about my parents or Voldemort —" **

**Ron gasped. **

"**What?" said Harry. **

"_**You said You-Know-Who's name!**_**" **

"Big fucking woop."

"Voldemort Voldemort Voldemort Voldemort Voldemort Voldemort Voldemort"

**said Ron, sounding both shocked and impressed. "I'd have thought you, of all people —" **

"**I'm not trying to be **_**brave **_**or anything, saying the name," said Harry, "I just never knew you shouldn't. See what I mean? I've got loads to learn… I bet," he added, voicing for the first time something that had been worrying him a lot lately, "I bet I'm the worst in the class." **

"Lily's smart, James can sometimes… I mean… he's good at pranks?"

"Thanks for the support Moony."

"**You won't be. There's loads of people who come from Muggle families and they learn quick enough." While they had been talking, the train had carried them out of London. Now they were speeding past fields full of cows and sheep. They were quiet for a time, watching the fields and lanes flick past. **

**Around half past twelve there was a great clattering outside in the corridor and a smiling, dimpled woman slid back their door and said, "Anything off the cart, dears?" **

"FO- I mean, I could really use some sugary snacks just about now."

"You were immature!!"

"No… I was… sneezing!! I sneeze very strangely: At-FOOO!"

"It's true we've heard him sneeze like that before!"

**Harry, who hadn't had any breakfast, leapt to his feet, but Ron's ears went pink again and he muttered that he'd brought sandwiches. Harry went out into the corridor. He had never had any money for candy with the Dursleys, and now that he had pockets rattling with gold and silver he was ready to buy as many Mars Bars as he could carry — **

"Yay Mars Bars!!"

**but the woman didn't have Mars Bars. What she did have were Bettie Bott's Every Flavour Beans, Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, Chocolate Frogs. Pumpkin Pasties, Cauldron Cakes, Liquorice Wands, and a number of other strange things Harry had never seen in his life. Not wanting to miss anything, he got some of everything and paid the woman eleven silver Sickles and seven bronze Knuts. **

"Is that it? Didn't we pay a few galleons Padfoot?"

"Yes I believe so."

**Ron stared as Harry brought it all back in to the compartment and tipped it onto an empty seat. **

"**Hungry, are you?" **

"**Starving," said Harry, taking a large bite out of a pumpkin pasty. **

**Ron had taken out a lumpy package and unwrapped it. There were four sandwiches inside. He pulled one of them apart and said, "She always forgets I don't like corned beef…" **

"**Swap you for one of these," said Harry, holding up a pasty. "Go on —" **

"What a waste, candy for a disgusting mouldy sandwich."

"**You don't want this, it's all dry," said Ron. "She hasn't got much time," he added quickly, "you know, with five of us." **

"**Go on, have a pasty," said Harry, who had never had anything to share before or, indeed, anyone to share it with. It was a nice feeling, sitting there with Ron, eating their way through all Harry's pasties, cakes, and candies (the sandwiches lay forgotten). **

"**What are these?" Harry asked Ron, holding up a pack of Chocolate Frogs. "They're not **_**really **_**frogs, are they?" **

"Please, no one really eats frogs!!"

"The French do."

"… why?"

"I dunno, I thought it was pretty bland and tasteless."

"…ew…!"

**He was starting to feel that nothing would surprise him. **

"**No," said Ron. "But see what the card is. I'm missing Agrippa." **

" Damn I haven't got Agrippa either!"

"**What?" **

"**Oh, of course, you wouldn't know — Chocolate Frogs have cards, inside them, you know, to collect — famous witches and wizards. I've got about five hundred, but I haven't got Agrippa or Ptolemy." **

"hehe… I've got Ptolemy! HA!"

**Harry unwrapped his Chocolate Frog and picked up the card. It showed a man's face. He wore half-moon glasses, had a long, crooked nose, and flowing silver hair, beard, and moustache. Underneath the picture was the name Albus Dumbledore. **

"**So **_**this **_**is Dumbledore!" said Harry. **

"**Don't tell me you'd never heard of Dumbledore!" said Ron. "Can I have a frog? I might get Agrippa **

"Yeah right, keep dreaming."

— **thanks —" **

**Harry turned over his card and read: **

_**ALBUS DUMBLEDORE **_

_**CURRENTLY HEADMASTER OF HOGWARTS **_

_**Considered by many the greatest wizard of modern times, Dumbledore is particularly famous for his defeat of the dark wizard Grindelwald in 1945, for the discovery of the twelve uses of dragon's blood, and his work on alchemy with his partner, Nicolas Flamel. Professor Dumbledore enjoys chamber music and tenpin bowling. **_

"Dumbledore's nuts."

**Harry turned the card back over and saw, to his astonishment, that Dumbledore's face had disappeared. **

"**He's gone!" **

"**Well, you can't expect him to hang around all day," said Ron. **"**He'll be back. No, I've got Morgana again and I've got about six of her… do you want it? You can start collecting." **

"That's nice of him."

"Lily, the cards are just a way to make more people by chocolate frogs, Harry will probably bankrupt himself trying to find Agrippa!"

"Everyone knows there is not Agrippa card anyway."

"… There isn't?"

**Ron's eyes strayed to the pile of Chocolate Frogs waiting to be unwrapped. "Help yourself," said Harry. "But in, you know, the Muggle world, people just stay put in photos." **

"Weird."

"**Do they? What, they don't move at all?" Ron sounded amazed. **_**"Weird!" **_

"Exactly."

**Harry stared as Dumbledore sidled back into the picture on his card and gave him a small smile. Ron was more interested in eating the frogs than looking at the Famous Witches and Wizards cards, but Harry couldn't keep his eyes off them. Soon he had not only Dumbledore and Morgana, but Hengist of Woodcroft, Alberic Grunnion, Circe, Paracelsus, and Merlin. He finally tore his eyes away from the Druidess Cliodna, who was scratching her nose, to open a bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. **

"Uh oh."

"**You want to be careful with those," Ron warned Harry. "When they say every flavour, they **_**mean **_**every flavour — you know, you get all the ordinary ones like chocolate and peppermint and marmalade, but then you can get spinach and liver and tripe. George reckons he had a booger-flavored one once." **

"I once had a hair grease flavoured one."

"Must have got it off Snape then."

**Ron picked up a green bean, looked at it carefully, and bit into a corner. **

"**Bleaaargh — see? Sprouts." **

"Urgh, the one thing I hate about Christmas- Sprouts!"

"I happen to enjoy sprouts."

"Haha Sirius, pretending to like sprouts doesn't make you mature."

"… I wasn't pretending."

**They had a good time eating the Every Flavour Beans. Harry got toast, coconut, baked bean, strawberry, curry, grass, coffee, sardine, and was even brave enough to nibble the end off a funny gray one Ron wouldn't touch, which turned out to be pepper. **

"That's not fair, we get the hardcore bad stuff and Harry gets the mild ones!"

**The countryside now flying past the window was becoming wilder. The neat fields had gone. Now there were woods, twisting rivers, and dark green hills. **

**There was a knock on the door of their compartment and the round-faced boy Harry had passed on platform nine and three-quarters came in. He looked tearful.**

"Easy to understand, his parents must hate him and bought him a frog to show their displeasure."

"**Sorry," he said, "but have you seen a toad at all?" **

"He's lost it!! Why is he crying then? I'd be jumping for joy!"

**When they shook their heads, he wailed, "I've lost him! He keeps getting away from me!" **

"**He'll turn up," said Harry. **

"**Yes," said the boy miserably. "Well, if you see him…" He left. **

"**Don't know why he's so bothered," said Ron. "If I'd brought a toad I'd lose it as quick as I could. **

"See! Someone understands!"

**Mind you, I brought Scabbers, so I can't talk." The rat was still snoozing on Ron's lap. **

"**He might have died and you wouldn't know the difference," said Ron in disgust. "I tried to turn him yellow yesterday to make him more interesting, **

"It would need more than a colour change believe me."

**but the spell didn't work. I'll show you, look…" He rummaged around in his trunk and pulled out a very battered-looking wand. It was chipped in places and something white was glinting at the end. **

"Is that safe?"

"Remember that shit Ollivander was spewing about the wand choosing the wizard?"

"Yeah."

"Well if the guy's got someone else's wand eventually something is going to go wrong. Possibly injuring Harry in the process!"

"**Unicorn hair's nearly poking out. Anyway —" **

**He had just raised his wand when the compartment door slid open again. The toadless boy was back, but this time he had a girl with him. She was already wearing her new Hogwarts robes. **

"Teacher's pet alert."

"There's NOTHING wrong with preparation!"

"Didn't Lily walk through the station in her robes looking silly?"

"Urgh, don't remind me."

"**Has anyone seen a toad? Neville's lost one," she said. She had a bossy sort of voice, lots of bushy brown hair, and rather large front teeth.**

"Reminds me of Lily, without the teeth or hair."

"That just leaves bossy…" SLAP! "…ow…"

"**We've already told him we haven't seen it," said Ron, but the girl wasn't listening, she was looking at the wand in his hand. **

"**Oh, are you doing magic? Let's see it, then." She sat down. Ron looked taken aback. **

"**Er — all right." He cleared his throat. **

"**Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, Turn this stupid, fat rat yellow."**

"… That is the stupidest spell I've ever heard…"

**He waved his wand, but nothing happened. **

"Lets see… James stay right there! Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid fat guy yellow!"

"Lily, I think that's immature!"

"It was a scientific experiment and I am trying to aid you James."

"How is it scientific?"

"A first year not being able to do a spell- normal, a seventh year- the spell is fake."

**Scabbers stayed gray and fast asleep. **

"Stupid rat."

"Correction- stupid _spell_!"

"**Are you sure that's a real spell?" said the girl. "Well, it's not very good, is it? I've tried a few simple spells just for practice and it's all worked for me. Nobody in my family's magic at all, it was ever such a surprise when I got my letter, but I was ever so pleased, of course, I mean, it's the very best school of witchcraft there is, I've heard — I've learned all our course books by heart, of course, I just hope it will be enough — I'm Hermione Granger, by the way, who are you?" **

"Does she ever stop talking?"

"Learning all the course books? Isn't that a bit much?"

**She said all this very fast. Harry looked at Ron, and was relieved to see by his stunned face that he hadn't learned all the course books by heart either. **

"**I'm Ron Weasley," Ron muttered. **

"I was right!"

"**Harry Potter," said Harry. **

"**Are you really?" said Hermione. **

"_No. _He's lying about it to get attention."

"**I know all about you, of course — I got a few extra books, for background reading, and you're in **_**Modern Magical History **_**and **_**The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts **_**and **_**Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century**_**." **

"She has all these books where Harry is mentioned, isn't that slightly stalker like?"

"Why do you guys hate preparation so much?!"

"**Am I?" said Harry, feeling dazed. **

"**Goodness, didn't you know, I'd have found out everything I could if it was me," **

"But you're not him thank Merlin."

**said Hermione. "Do either of you know what house you'll be in? I've been asking around, and I hope I'm in Gryffindor, it sounds by far the best; I hear Dumbledore himself was in it, **

"Well he is much more lenient towards Gryffindor."

"Although he lacks the hatred for Slytherins that all Gryffindors share!"

"Ahem."

"Except for Lily."

**but I suppose Ravenclaw wouldn't be too bad… **

"If you enjoy hanging around a bunch of book nerds-" SLAP "LILY!!!"

**Anyway, we'd better go and look for Neville's toad. You two had better change, you know, I expect we'll be there soon." And she left, taking the toadless boy with her. **

"**Whatever house I'm in, I hope she's not in it," said Ron. **

**He threw his wand back into his trunk. "Stupid spell — George gave it to me, bet he knew it was a dud." **

"Anyone with half a brain could have told him it was a dud."

"**What house are your brothers in?" asked Harry. **

"**Gryffindor," said Ron. Gloom seemed to be settling on him again. "Mum and Dad were in it, too. I don't know what they'll say if I'm not. I don't suppose Ravenclaw **_**would **_**be too bad, but imagine if they put me in Slytherin." **

"Only disgusting pureblood maniacs like Snivellus get into Slytherin"

"JAMES!!!"

"**That's the house Vol-, I mean, You-Know-Who was in?" **

"Just say the name Harry."

"Don't worry Harry, you'll be in Gryffindor."

"**Yeah," said Ron. He flopped back into his seat, looking depressed. **

"**You know, I think the ends of Scabbers' whiskers are a bit lighter," said Harry, trying to take Ron's mind off houses. **

"**So what do your oldest brothers do now that they've left, anyway?" Harry was wondering what a wizard did once he'd finished school. **

"All sort. Besides there's always Muggle jobs to fall back on."

"**Charlie's in Romania studying dragons, **

"AWESOME!"

**and Bill's in Africa doing something for Gringotts," said Ron. **"**Did you hear about Gringotts? It's been all over the **_**Daily Prophet**_**, but I don't suppose you get that with the Muggles — someone tried to rob a high security vault." Harry stared. **

"Bet it was the vault with the cool package thingy!"

"I wonder what it was…"

"I already told you what it was!"

"Lily, honestly, just because you pointed at the title of this book of which we are currently reading, does not mean you know what the package was! Besides why did you point at the title?"

"… I give up."

"**Really? What happened to them?" **

"**Nothing, that's why it's such big news. They haven't been caught.**

"I thought there was a melt into the door type thing."

"There was, I doubt it would stop Voldie though."

**My dad says it must've been a powerful Dark wizard to get round Gringotts, **

"Like Voldie!"

**but they don't think they took anything, that's what's odd. 'Course, everyone gets scared when something like this happens in case You-Know-Who's behind it." **

"Which he must be unless the goblins decided to take it."

**Harry turned this news over in his mind. He was starting to get a prickle of fear every time You-Know-Who was mentioned. He supposed this was all part of entering the magical world, but it had been a lot more comfortable saying "Voldemort" without worrying. **

"Wouldn't it be nice if Weasley was more subtle about the whole Voldemort situation?"

"**What's your Quidditch team?" Ron asked. **

"**Er — I don't know any." Harry confessed.**

"…"

"He's got the rest of his life to enjoy the dreadful sport, don't look so depressed!"

"**What!" Ron looked dumbfounded. "Oh, you wait, it's the best game in the world **

"Finally! A reason to like the bloke!"

"Agreed!"

—" **And he was off, explaining all about the four balls and the positions of the seven players, describing famous games he'd been to with his brothers and the broomstick he'd like to get if he had the money. **

"I think Ron might be a suitable friend for Harry!"

"You're only saying that because he's telling Harry about Quidditch."

**He was just taking Harry through the finer points of the game when the compartment door slid open yet again, but it wasn't Neville the toadless boy, or Hermione Granger this time. **

"Thank Merlin!"

**Three boys entered, and Harry recognized the middle one at once: it was the pale boy from Madam Malkin's robe shop. **

"… Malfoy… we meet again…"

"Oh for God's sake."

**He was looking at Harry with a lot more interest than he'd shown back in Diagon Alley. **

"He must have suddenly decided to be gay."

"James, he can't be that bad! Maybe the Malfoys have turned a new leaf?"

"Obviously you're forgetting the rant Lucius Junior said to Harry about muggle borns not being 'natural'."

"**Is it true?" he said. "They're saying all down the train that Harry Potter's in this compartment. So it's you, is it?" **

"Damn right he is!"

"**Yes," said Harry. He was looking at the other boys. Both of them were thickset and looked extremely mean. Standing on either side of the pale boy, they looked like bodyguards. **

"Let me guess- fat and stupid?"

"Must be if they're hanging out with Malfoy!"

"How do you guys even know if its Malfoy?"

"Enemy instinct."

"**Oh, this is Crabbe and this is Goyle," **

"Hey, isn't there a Crabbe and Goyle in our year?"

"Don't have very original nicknames in the families do they?"

**said the pale boy carelessly, noticing where Harry was looking. "And my name's Malfoy, Draco Malfoy." **

"Told you so."

**Ron gave a slight cough, which might have been hiding a snigger.**

"I'm liking Ron more and more!"

"You're a match made in heaven, you both like Quidditch and you both hate Slytherins, I can already hear wedding bells."

"Sarcasm does not become you Lily, besides if James was still alive he's be about 30-40. And he would be a paedophile."

"… I am not gay."

**Draco Malfoy looked at him. **

"**Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask who you are. My father told me all the Weasley's have red hair, freckles, and more children than they can afford." **

"The only thing Lucy has ever been right about."

"Still, better to be a Weasley than a slimy, disgusting Malfoy."

**He turned back to Harry. "You'll soon find out some wizarding families are much better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there." **

"Get away from my future son, you filthy pile of dog vomit."

**He held out his hand to shake Harry's, but Harry didn't take it. **

"GO HARRY!!!!"

"**I think I can tell who the wrong sort are for myself, thanks," he said coolly. **

"… I'm so very proud."

"Are you crying?"

"…No…"

**Draco Malfoy didn't go red, but a pink tinge appeared in his pale cheeks. **

"**I'd be careful if I were you, Potter," he said slowly. "Unless you're a bit politer you'll go the same way as your parents. **

"HE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!!!!"

"THIS IS WAR MALFOY, YOU'RE DEAD MEAT!!!!"

"I would say that was immature Black, but in view of the current situation, I'll allow it."

**They didn't know what was good for them, either. **

"MOTHERF*****!!!!!!"

**You hang around with riffraff like the Weasleys and that Hagrid, and it'll rub off on you." Both Harry and Ron stood up.**

"FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!!!!"

"**Say that again," Ron said, his face as red as his hair.**

"**Oh, you're going to fight us, are you?" Malfoy sneered. **

"Guys, you do know that Lucius has probably already taught Junior the unforgivable curse?"

"Damn, Remus is right. Lucy would have educated his spawn as soon as possible."

"**Unless you get out now," said Harry, more bravely than he felt, because Crabbe and Goyle were a lot bigger than him or Ron.**

"A lot stupider than him and Ron."

"Malfoy is the only real competition on that side of the teams."

"**But we don't feet like leaving, do we, boys? We've eaten all our food and you still seem to have some." **

"No, not the food!!!!"

**Goyle reached toward the Chocolate Frogs next to Ron — Ron leapt forward, but before he'd so much as touched Goyle, Goyle let out a horrible yell. **

"OMG WANDLESS MAGIC!!!!!!!!!"

"Did you seriously say 'OMG'?"

**Scabbers the rat was hanging off his finger, sharp little teeth sunk deep into Goyle's knuckle**— **Crabbe and Malfoy backed away as Goyle swung Scabbers round and round, howling, and when Scabbers finally flew off and hit the window, all three of them disappeared at once. **

"Well if they can be scared off by a bloody rat, what hope would they have had against Harry and Ron?"

**Perhaps they thought there were more rats lurking among the sweets, or perhaps they'd heard footsteps, because a second later, Hermione Granger had come in. **

"Not her again."

"**What **_**has **_**been going on?" she said, looking at the sweets all over the floor and Ron picking up Scabbers by his tail. **

"**I think he's been knocked out," Ron said to Harry. He looked closer at Scabbers. "No — I don't believe it — he's gone back to sleep." And so he had. **

"… That is just pathetic."

"**You've met Malfoy before?" **

**Harry explained about their meeting in Diagon Alley. **

"**I've heard of his family," said Ron darkly. "They were some of the first to come back to our side after You-Know-Who disappeared. Said they'd been bewitched. **

"Tch, yeah right and I'm Voldie's best buddie."

**My dad doesn't believe it. **

"Smart."

**He says Malfoy's father didn't need an excuse to go over to the Dark Side." He turned to Hermione. "Can we help you with something?" **

"**You'd better hurry up and put your robes on, I've just been up to the front to ask the conductor, and he says we're nearly there. You haven't been fighting, have you? You'll be in trouble before we even get there!"**

"**Scabbers has been fighting, not us," said Ron, scowling at her. **

"Blaming the pet never works."

"**Would you mind leaving while we change?" **

"I think she would mind…" Sirius waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"That's immature!!!"

"You're right Lily, that was very immature and you deserve to win the bet."

"HA!"

"However, I believe that by accepting defeat, I made up for my immaturity!"

"He's right."

"Damn, but you can't do that again!"

"Fine, deal."

"**All right — I only came in here because people outside are behaving very childishly, racing up and down the corridors," said Hermione in a sniffy voice. **

"It's a school, there are children. What did you expect to find?"

"Probably a bunch of old women knitting and behaving like Sirius."

"You won't be able to keep it up you know!"

"I can succeed in anything to help my friend."

"**And you've got dirt on your nose, by the way, did you know?"**

**Ron glared at her as she left. Harry peered out of the window. It was getting dark. He could see mountains and forests under a deep purple sky. The train did seem to be slowing down. **

**He and Ron took off their jackets and pulled on their long black robes. Ron's were a bit short for him, you could see his sneakers underneath them. **

**A voice echoed through the train: "We will be reaching Hogwarts in five minutes' time. Please leave your luggage on the train, it will be taken to the school separately." **

**Harry's stomach lurched with nerves and Ron, he saw, looked pale under his freckles. They crammed their pockets with the last of the sweets **

"Smart. Malfoy might come back to scavenge leftovers."

**and joined the crowd thronging the corridor. **

**The train slowed right down and finally stopped. People pushed their way toward the door and out on to a tiny, dark platform. Harry shivered in the cold night air. Then a lamp came bobbing over the heads of the students, and Harry heard a familiar voice: "Firs' years! Firs' years over here! All right there, Harry?" **

**Hagrid's big hairy face beamed over the sea of heads. **

"Hm, now we know why Hagrid is the one who leads the first years across the lake."

"Why do the first years get to go across the lake but we don't? It's not fair!"

"There's a very good reason and its in Hogwarts: A History so you'll have to read it to find out!!!"

"Lily, is this your way of saying you don't know?"

"**C'mon, follow me — any more firs' years? Mind yer step, now! Firs' years follow me!" **

**Slipping and stumbling, they followed Hagrid down what seemed to be a steep, narrow path. It was so dark on either side of them that Harry thought there must be thick trees there. Nobody spoke much. Neville, the boy who kept losing his toad, sniffed once or twice. **

"Cheer up kid, you've missed the ridicule. Now you can get an owl like normal people."

"**Yeh'll get yer firs' sight o' Hogwarts in a sec," Hagrid called over his shoulder, "jus' round this bend here." **

**There was a loud "Oooooh!" **

**The narrow path had opened suddenly onto the edge of a great black lake. Perched atop a high mountain on the other side, its windows sparkling in the starry sky, was a vast castle with many turrets and towers. **

"**No more'n four to a boat!" Hagrid called, pointing to a fleet of little boats sitting in the water by the shore. Harry and Ron were followed into their boat by Neville and Hermione. **

"**Everyone in?" shouted Hagrid, who had a boat to himself. **

"He is half giant, he needs the space."

"Think of the legal bills the school would get for drowning a student!!"

"**Right then — FORWARD!" **

**And the fleet of little boats moved off all at once, gliding across the lake, which was as smooth as glass. Everyone was silent, staring up at the great castle overhead. It towered over them as they sailed nearer and nearer to the cliff on which it stood. **

"**Heads down!" yelled Hagrid as the first boats reached the cliff; they all bent their heads and the little boats carried them through a curtain of ivy that hid a wide opening in the cliff face. They were carried along a dark tunnel, which seemed to be taking them right underneath the castle, until they reached a kind of underground harbour, where they clambered out onto rocks and pebbles. **

"**Oy, you there! Is this your toad?" said Hagrid, who was checking the boats as people climbed out of them.**

"Damn"

"He can always drown the thing."

"**Trevor!" cried Neville blissfully, holding out his hands. **

"Or not."

**Then they clambered up a passageway in the rock after Hagrid's lamp, coming out at last onto smooth, damp grass right in the shadow of the castle. **

**They walked up a flight of stone steps and crowded around the huge, oak front door. **

"**Everyone here? You there, still got yer toad?" **

"Unfortunately."

**Hagrid raised a gigantic fist and knocked three times on the castle door.**

Remus looked up, "That's the end of the chapter." He glanced at the clock that resided above the mythical creature section of the library. "It's still early, should we continue?"

"Yes!!!" Lily immediately said grabbing the book. There was no way she was losing the bet!

* * *

**AN: Apologies in advance for the next chapter if and when it comes. When I started this chapter I was happy. By the end, not so much. So I can't guarantee if Sirius will win the bet or not. It'll depend on my mood. Anyway reviewers:**

Katanagirl16: Shame Sirius had to be serious in this chapter but its all for a good cause!

LilyCalliePotter: Sorry it took so long, I haven't been in a writing mood.

Katheryn Mae Wilson MD: Sorry its so late, depending on how the bet goes she might be pissed at James again.

Yvonne Park: Its up, sorry about the wait!

**Sorry to everyone who reads this about the wait, I'm really pissed off so I might update more frequently but then again I might not. Sorry!**

**Anyways hope you enjoyed and I hope everyone has a very good Christmas!!!! **


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